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Self Love - What Do You Do For Yourself?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sbonigala, May 21, 2019.

  1. sbonigala

    sbonigala Finest Post Winner

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    Once a woman is married and kids come into picture(or not) - most of us forget that we existed before the phase of marriage. We lose ourselves in the rush of life and the routine grind of keeping up with everybody's schedules and health and relationship maintenance(in-laws, parents, relatives) and running a household.

    Most of the threads in this forum suggest spending some time on a regular basis - to help maintain the sanity.
    This thread is to consolidate what we all do for ourselves - so that when we say "do something for yourself" to someone and they ask for ideas, we can point them to this thread.

    I'll start with what I do:

    Every evening(night) after dinner from 9:15 or 9:30 to 10:15/10:30 I spend time sipping a warm tea and reading a book.
    Once in a while, I catch up with a friend for dinner on the way from work.
    My job lets me work from home once a week - on those days I spend sometime going for a walk during lunch break etc

    Both of us work far from home with an hour and a bit for commute each way and we both have full time jobs. We love our jobs so no reason to change jobs. He manages to spend time with his friends and have a great time once or twice a month and I never went out anywhere or did anything for myself. I used to feel neglected because I was at home to take care of kids and in a full time job and packing lunches and ordering groceries. I was one frustrated/cranky woman.
    I felt I cant blame anyone for my frustration because its not DH's responsibility to make plans for me with my friends. It's my frustration and I had to do something about it. So I decided every day I'll spend sometime for myself in doing what I like to do and once in a while, I'll meet my friends for dinner.
    Surprisingly, its very well received and DH,DD and DS are happy that I a, doing something for myself.
    Also, I realised I am a much productive woman at work now and I am also much happier with myself that what I was before.
    As they say - you cant pour from an empty cup - you can pour love if you cant love yourself enough.

    Now its your turn !
     
    kkrish, Sinant, guesshoo and 14 others like this.
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a much needed and much appreciated post , specially for mother’s like me .
    How do I indulge in some self love ?
    I listen to good music with my good headphones on for a good 30 mins. Sometimes watch good romantic / emotionally moving movies .
     
  3. Mehana

    Mehana Gold IL'ite

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    Very good one.

    I spend some 30-45 minutes in the morning myself watching/browsing favorite programs after dropping kids at the school. Try best to chat with my friends here and there.
     
  4. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    I dont have that luxury to indulge in some exclusive self love routines as I am full throughout the day and by the time I get some time in the night after putting my baby to sleep I feel so very tired to even sit and watch a movie.

    One routine I love is flipping through the newspaper for a good half an hour everyday in the morning with a cup of piping hot tea..
    I do read books whenever I feel like..thats it..Once in a blue moon I also watch movies of my interest

    I would be following this thread for others inputs..
     
  5. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    This is a nice thread and I am looking forward to see what others do.

    Coming to my approach once in a while like everyone else I get lost in my worries. Feel so shitty about everything which is happening/not happening in my life. But to keep that smooth I indulge in meeting my girlfriends. Going out for shopping/restaurant with them. My sister is one such girlfriend for me. I indulge in shopping with her.
    Now I have a lot of time in my hand with no kids to manage- so I have recently decided I will learn that musical instrument which I always wanted to learn. Though I want to learn violin - I have started with something easy for myself. So have taken up keyboard classes.
    And weekend I have enrolled for Kathak class along with my cousin.
    Weekends swimming is something I love to do with my hubby .

    My travel time everyday goes in watching my favorite amazon prime series .
     
  6. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    Nice thread OP, needed discussion for today's women. Eagerly waiting to read more replies.

    I spend around 30 minutes a day watching comedies, particularly standup comedies from YouTube. Sometimes, imagining as if my wishes happened and how I would do things around that time, before bedtimes gives soothing feeling, some kind of positive energy. So far most of those imagination have become true. I take this as my way of prayer and feel like god listened to it. Watching movies together with my husband once in a week. Trying new receipe from internet. Attempted to read books several times, but gave up now. Still trying to figure out what more I could do.
     
  7. sbonigala

    sbonigala Finest Post Winner

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    I also made it a habit to subscribe to positive quotes pages on social media so that whenever I open those apps, I see something positive. One such thing I came across is:

    "Self love Is different for everyone. You don't have to be yoga doing, meditation practicing, Vega eating, religion following etc. Its all about making time for yourself to do things that make your soul shine - whatever those things are."

    Simple things like leaving my mobile in my bag and looking out of the window while sipping coffee on the train during commute at 6:30am - makes me happy and encouraged for the new day and fresh start every single day.

    I sometimes tell my family that my shift of being a mum and wife is now over for the day, if you want overtime to be done, I need a compensatory off time.. and very very suprisingly they say " makes sense..."

    Most of us are so busy that we forget to voice out the need for a break. If you don't ask, no body knows what you need. Voicing the need doesn't make you any less respectable. In fact it earns you respect if done in right tone and at the right time. Ask and see if you get a positive response. If the response is not very positive, find ways to work it out during school hours or work hours or whenever the baby naps..just do it, because sometimes unless you do it, you wouldn't know you need it. Trust me, once you begin to love yourself- it's a lovely addiction and people crave to spend time with you because happy women make happy partners and motivational mother's/aunts/sisters ..oh! What not!!

    "When no body celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody compliments you, then compliment yourself. It's not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It's up to you. Encouragement must come from within you - that's when it is sustainable"
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2019
  8. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    I love to walk in nature, workout, swim- I try to do what is possible- for myself.
    I love earrings, so I buy and wear and feel giddy and twirl in my jeans like the nirma girl in nirma advertisement.
    I read, I like to read. I don’t feel lonely if I am always reading a fiction. I have usually 2-3 book going at in one time. I tell myself that this reading is me time and not to learn something for exams. It puts me in a very good mood.
    At this point, I don’t have friend who are my friends, they are my kids friend’s mother and they are working.
    I volunteer for my soul. It makes me very happy even if there are some people who are mean at volunteer gig, I realize that I skip to my gig rather than walk.
     
    Sinant, Bubbles, SinghManisha and 3 others like this.
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @sbonigala,

    Thank you for presenting this wonderful thread for everyone to think about what they do for their own well-being. I hope it is not intended only for women and it is applicable even for men who work head down to contribute for the well-being of the family. In 2012, my wife recommended me to IL. I started writing since then and it is such an enjoyable outing for me to interact with ILites who are much younger than I am.

    First I enjoy spending time with our pet Orion. We truly consider him as our grandson. I enjoy spending quality time with my son as he is such a creative mind and he enjoys conversations with me as I look at everything from business angle. He enjoys gardening so much and keep buying plants from time to time and raise them so well. He also volunteer with an organization to take care of their butterfly garden. He loves to spend time with our pet Orion so much and spends quality time with him at least an hour everyday. My wife spends 3-4 hours a day doing a lot of activities that include, chanting, conversing with friends, attending various classes to learn something new, etc.

    Frankly, we all look forward to that exclusive time which breaks our mind lingering around each one of our regular activities. I agree with you on the concept that if we don't love ourselves, we lose the ability to love anyone else.
     
  10. SpringB

    SpringB Silver IL'ite

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    Good thread OP. I am happy to read all IL’s inputs too. Self Love is very important and nice to see your thread on this.

    We all try to eat right / sleep right/ engage in hobbies/ take time for ourselves and keep us motivated or engaged. But how many of us put ourselves first which could be viewed as selfishness? When a mother sits with her child to feed food for an hour I do not think many mothers would first have their meal which would take 10 mins and then sit with their toddler.

    So, basically taking care of oneself starts right from the early days of building our families. Once we start taking care of ourselves just like we would care for a loved one, we will be in a good shape to care for others too. A happy me can make a happy family. Self care is important and we cannot outsource that.

    Taking care of oneself in whatever way we can is important.

    When one is not doing well usually this is what they are told “Take care”. Until recently did not realize its importance. When one is at the peak of their potential, taking care of the family or climbing up the career ladder or giving back to the community seems to be an easy task. One hardly thinks few years down the rocky road if they would be able to run the same path at the same speed and with the same set of challenges.

    I have not posted much here. But I had been a silent reader. After reading many many posts suddenly it dawned on me what it meant to take care of oneself. Put yourself first. Make sure you do things that will result in a happy you (definitely not by hurting anyone).

    As OP says one can start complimenting oneself and learn to celebrate oneself. Stay happy stay healthy stay positive
     

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