Second time ExtraMarital Affair.

Noorie

I am very sorry for what you are going through. Since you are pregnant, I hope my response does not upset you further (you say you have high blood pressure), but I really cannot believe the gall of your husband, and the woman he is having an affair with. Although I know there are couples who go on to recover and repair their relationships after one of them is unfaithful, it sounds to me like your husband is a serial adulterer who doesn't respect you or your children, and so he doesn't deserve your understanding and forgiveness in this case.

I don't know how you can say he is a doting father, because as far as I'm concerned, an affair is not just a betrayal of the spouse, it is also a betrayal of the children. If your husband was really concerned for your children's wellbeing, he wouldn't be putting his own selfish needs of the flesh before the needs of his own family. One of the most important things he can do for you and your children right now is be there for you, unreservedly and wholeheartedly. Meeting another woman for sex in hotel rooms doesn't quite fit in with that.

Now is not the time for you to take drastic action, because you have your pregnancy and other children to consider. But I would advise that once you are position of strength and independence again, you should take a long, hard look at your marriage and decide once and for all what you will, and what you won't put up with. This woman is making a fool of you, and your husband is an accomplice to that. Just thinking about this is upsetting me - I can only imagine the kind of turmoil you must be going through.

I hope you have some family or close friends to lean on in this time of need. I suspect your husband is using your children as an easy way of taking advantage of you. He knows you will give him a lot of leeway "for the sake of the children", and he is banking on that to allow him to continue his morally corrupt behaviour. When you are able to, put your foot down and stand up for yourself. You may decide to forgive him and try again, which is your prerogative - but I wouldn't. For me, although an affair is always unacceptable behaviour, it becomes particularly repugnant and deserving of contempt when the wife is pregnant at the time - and he has done this to you twice.

Please don't take my straight talk in this post as an insult - I want you to know that you have been wronged, and that you have the right to take action when you feel you are able to. Your husband needs to be taught that he cannot take his family, and all the hard work you have put into making that family, for granted any longer.

 

Ansuya is 100% right.

 

noorie..... i feel so sorry for you!!! i think you need a :kiss and a

of all the times this is the worst (with 9th month pregnancy) to be in a situation like this...... i can understand this is impossible for you to not think of this and have high BP..... when it is the time to take care of yourself utmost.....

i dont feel like giving any say as of now on your matter as it is definitely not going to cheer you up.... i would rather suggest you to please go to your parents, relatives.... where you can be better taken care of and feel a bit lighter....... please dear..... baby is due in some time and i would only recommend you to not trap yourself amidst all this and effect the health of your baby..... time is diffiicult but your utmost priority even before your own emotions and your husband's affair... should be the well-being of your baby arriving...... sky will not fall if we can delay this matter for few more months..... you can definitely postpone it and we will all give you advices later....... but as of now.... please please take care of yourself and your baby!!!! do not bother yourself with other stuff..... it might be difficult but then you know its important..... your baby is about to be there..... please concentrate your energies in welcoming him/her!!!!!

love

PS: please ILites.... i request lets not pour in our thoughts and make it difficult for her even further..... i am sure it would be impossible for her not to increase her BP after she reads our opinions!!!! its not easy anyways!!!

 

Noorie,
I can totally empathize with you and could not agree with Bharti more.
Let that looser have fun, ignore totally. Your 1000% attention needs to be on your unborn child, and your 5 yr old.

It is obvious that your husband failed as father, and the fact that he is doing this to you when you need him the most shows that he is not a good father. So, all the more reason for you to just ignore him completely (no confusions in life at this point) and focus on you and your health.

1) do not talk to him about the affair.
2) do not check his phones and emails
3) do not try to over hear him.
4) treat him like a door mat
5) DO NOT TRY TO MAKE ANY LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS NOW.

Let the baby come out, give your self 3 months time (in the least) before you worry about your relationship.
Take care.
drjp

 

yes i agree with drip
if he is a kind of person as you mention then he doesnt deserve any forgiveness .

just ignore him and treat him like a doormat !!!!

 

Hi Noorie,
Frankly speaking I am married only for 1 and half years so dont have much to say but after reading your post I just feel like coming and taking care of you.

Take care of your health and think about your children.If something happens to you then what about your kids.IGNORE is the word here. till you deliver your child and heal properly,dont make any decision or think about anything.I am only concerned about your health right now.Nothing else.
Once you have delivered then other things can be discussed.You are already going through a physical change so dont burden yourself with anything else.We all want to help you here but first we want you to take care of yourself.

 

I agree with most of the suggestions drjp has posted. But, I feel you have to start thinking about your marriage now. If you postpone the thought, the pain will come down and you may not take the right decisions.

Like drjp says, move the focus towards yourself. Eat right and do all your chores. Try to go for walks to the park to cool your mind. You will need your husband's help for the next few months. Not just financial help but also emotional and physical help.

I suggest you have a talk with your husband and tell him that you want to focus on your kids and yourself right now and he has to co-operate. Tell him that when you are emotionally strong you will think of a final solution for the relationship.

In the mean time make sure he does his part as a father and provider. Write down his list of chores. Ask him to move his things out of your room. This means he can not have his clothes or any sign of life in your bedroom and don't do anything for him no cooking no laundry nothing. Tell him very clearly that you will need to go to the hospital at any time so he should either be around the house or be able to come and take you to the hospital at a very short notice. Also tell him that you are in physical discomfort and he has to take 100% care of your 5 year old for the next 3 months.

Emotionally detach from him. In 3 months time, you will be able to think more clearly and make better decisions.

 

Noorie..

There is always time to make the most important decision in life. But right now, the priority is to take care of yourself and YOUR children, including the unborn. So concentrate on that. Your thoughts should be only around them, force yourself to do that. Don't think about anything else. You had gone through all these years, waiting for some more months is important I feel. I can only imagine how much pain you are going through, but dear friend, give it some rest. Now is not the time to think and make any important decisions.

You will have clarity once you are ready physically and mentally. Right now you are not.

God bless.