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Role of your Husband in your career Start??

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by pinky2, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. pinky2

    pinky2 Bronze IL'ite

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    How helpful was your husband in starting your career? Being married, the success of both Husband and Wife depends on each other.Obvisiouly Men are employed as soon as they graduate or later depends on their terms and they continue.
    But for ladies,its a broken phase - like after marriage some quit their jobs to join DH in another country,Visa issues,kids,etc.

    Lets share how supportive was your DH to you in starting or restarting your career. I mean moral support, physical help at home - cleaning/cooking overall, taking care of kids that makes a time for you to focus on the subject or did he train you if he's on the same field.

    My situation now is I'm a mom of 2 kids and my DH has more than sixteen years of work experience and I don't find time to prepare/family cooperation for starting a career. I didn't have/had one since I got married when I was in my final year post graduation/then kids and my DH doesn't want kids to be sent to Daycare.So my life moved on these years and now I'm clueless/helpless regarding my job.
    Please share your experience if you started your career after marriage.
    Thanks all.
     
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  2. apoorva1582

    apoorva1582 New IL'ite

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    hello pinky...thanks for posting this.. i hve been married for three years.. in this 3 years.. hav had to quit my job and relocate to a new location.. my h doesnt understand the kind of work i do.. there was time when he tried to help me which got me into a role which i neither desired or wanted but had to work.. probably the worst mistake i made for my career.. i was neither respected for my abillity or for my professional experience.. was made a scape goat.. dint want to go into details.s. nowadays.. he is blaming me that i havent got a proper or permanent job.. its been tough to move here.. even when i could get jobs, i had to quit due to lots of reasons like my pregnancy and my health and now for taking care of MIL...

    the other one being h being helpful in our daily chores.. i can only imagine in my dreams.. he never does anything and even if tries to my MIL will shout at me...according to her its a womans work.. not even when she is tired... whatever i hav to do.. no help from him.. he will sit like a king and expect to be treated like that..
     
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  3. geethaprashanth

    geethaprashanth Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Pinky

    I am working women, from past 12 years, I was only support or encouraged by my husband to work !! Work!!work!! continously till now, may be I do not know when i will get rest from working!!!

    I think you are very lucky, staying in house & being a good mother to kids.
     
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  4. SallyR

    SallyR Silver IL'ite

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    I was in your (almost) exact position few years ago. He used to support me by taking care of kids when I needed to study, encouraged me to apply for different jobs, helped with household stuff whenever he can, etc. what he couldn't do was compromise his career because he was the sole breadwinner at that time and his work also took a lot from him.

    My advice to people who are on the same boat is that keep trying, apply for all jobs that you have relevant qualification for, don't feel bad about taking a junior level job if you have to (all relevant experience count, so even if you end up paying all your salary on childcare it's worth it IMO).

    Regarding childcare, have someone that you can trust to do emergency babysitting in case of job interview, etc. There are also lots of distance education options you can go for when looking for a job.

    Most importantly don't lose hope, it will all work out...if you want it; you go for it, with or without support!

    Best Wishes :)
     
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  5. SudhaManimaran

    SudhaManimaran Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I am working woman for the past 5 years and married for 4 years as of now. Actually my career kickstarted after my kid only. my husband is very helpful by motivating me and helping me in household works when i tried after my baby. i have been very lucky in that way i feel as he has given me option whether to continue or quit after my baby.But i opted to work and shine in career . But i feel that was the mistake i made.;-(
    Now i like to be as housewife and be a good mother to my kid. Now i created some short commitments for my work so not able to quit also.
    So please enjoy your time as being a house wife and spend your time with your kids.
     
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  6. sravanitenali

    sravanitenali IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Pinky!!!

    Thanks for starting this thread...
    The career level which i am enjoying now is because of my Dear DH, i am proudly telling this. Its been 4yrs now we are married there are many ups and dows and we are together in all phases of life and get success. After graduation i couldnt start my career though i came out of college with job in my hand due to marriage date and joining date are same. But exactly after 1yr of graduation, i got pregnant, started my post graduation...ofcourse convinced my Dh and gave him assurance i will balance everything...But, later starting everything as a student, as a infant mother and ofcourse as a "good" wife :) i took his support and my grand mom(my mother's mom) support as my MIL is not ready to help me in any way.....After finishing my PG i joined my DH who is already in US hmmmm then start searching jobs here which took 6months as we are moving to and fro india and US due his short assignments now since 8months we are in one place and enjoying success fruits.....

    DH support plays a key role but giving assurance is our part according to my experiences in my life

    All the best to you....have patience and keep trying in your scope

    take care
    Sravani
     
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  7. WhyMeGod

    WhyMeGod Senior IL'ite

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    I am generally a silent reader but something forced me to post today. We are married for 4.5 years - settled in US. As a newly married bride, I had too many dreams like pursuing higher studies in US, starting a career on my own etc, but had very little knowledge on visa (H1b lottery), MS application. The only reason where I am right now is because of my DH. He supported me genuinely, guided me, encouraged me, stood behind me in every move I made reg my career. In one word, he took care of me like his own child. He never bothered about how well I can cook or how well I maintained my house while I was working/studying. I come from a muslim family where working or studying after marriage is still considered as a taboo/crime. There were many people who did not accept the way my DH treats me and mocked at him directly/indirectly.

    I applied for MS and H1B visa through consultant at the same time and got both ( ofcourse, I worked veryyy hard for it). I was in a dilemma to choose the one which would best suit my need. I opted to work and deferred my MS application for a year. I moved to a different city for work and stayed away from my DH. That was the most painful period in our life. Distant relationship was v stressful mentally and physically. He used to drive 15 hrs to and fro every week to spend a day with me and it was very challenging for both of us. He ate food outside ( he never knows to cook), did his laundry and managed everything all by himself. He went through all struggles that a husband will never ready to undergo. His family named him henpecked, insulted him many a times for letting me stay outside ( I shared a room with a Russian family while working). Nothing bothered him and he remained the same person who was insanely in love with me and was proud about my career developments. During this challenging phase, I got a call from my home, asking me to return to India immed cos my mom (47) had a major heart attack and had to get operated immed with in a week's time. That was a night mare which I want to forget..In next few hours after the call, I saw my DH holding my hands and consoling me as well as making other arrangements. I quit my job the same day, vacated my place, drove to my house in US amidst a thunder storm all alone (we had 2 cars and I was tail gating his car) and was on next flight to India. I still did not know how I coped with it and I hardly remember how these things happened in few hrs. My sweet DH took care of everything.

    I returned back to US and decided to do my MS since I lost my H1b status ( I had to quit my job abruptly and desi B%$%$ts consultants revoked my visa). 2 years in MS was again the most strenuous period in my life and we hardly had any time for ourselves. I was busy 24/7, spent most of my time in labs but my Dh never complained abt anything. He always gave me the assurance and confidence that this will pass on and we will have plenty of time for ourself and our kids. I graduated last year, joined a job and got preg immed. All I know in 4 years is, the only way to show my gratitude to everything he had done and pay back his love, is by giving him a kid. That's the only thing he wished for in his life, to have a family. But God never wanted us to get things done easily. HE took my baby away and left my DH shattered. I still do not want to recollect the look on my DH's face when he heard it. I saw him crying for the first time in my life. Next few days were like hell and he took lot of time to accept our loss.

    Now, I repent on everything I did last few years(running behind career). I found out recently I have anovulatory cycle and have to undergo treatment. I REGRET everything I did. I feel guilty to be on the receiving side most of my life and still had not got a chance to give back an ounce of love he showered on me. If I am given a chance, I will rewind my clock, get a kid, stay home and take care of my family. I am sure he will be happy either way.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2012
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  8. mikku

    mikku Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I can relate to your situation to certain extent, as I had to take a break in my career for my kid, which I do not regret, and will be joining the 'work force' soon. As for the support/encouragement/guidance etc. my DH is solely responsible for whatever achievements I have had academically so far after moving to this country. But for him I would have lazed around with just the letters of my professional degree tagged to my name. His constant support and encouragement through the process has been overwhelming, to the extent that one of my very good friends, who could not carry on with her career after marriage, insisted that I couldn't have even sat through the exams if not for my DH. Though it was a bit of an exaggeration, I understand her plight. Through the years of my studying, training etc. DH never insisted on my household responsibilities, we used to discuss the topics of my study, since he is from the same field as I am, he used to clear my doubts...he was there through and through. And now it is time for me to practice what I gained all these years.
    As others have suggested, please do not give up hope, there is always a starting point for everything.
     
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  9. pinky2

    pinky2 Bronze IL'ite

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    Apoorva & GeethaPrasanth, Thanks for stepping in. Hope you have a good break with a life you wanted to live. Yes, its the choice of me & my DH to be STHM till the kids goes to school.Now its only me wanted to have a career in my life so atleast I'll be helpful for my parents.My DH is fine with my decision and he's a very simple guy whose priority in life is to be peaceful than anything.But something lacks in practical.
     
  10. pinky2

    pinky2 Bronze IL'ite

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    SallyR, Thanks for your comfort words. My younger one is three year old and needs lots of attention and she's cling till. I get frustrated when I'm unable to find time to prepare for myself. Have to find some ways soon.
     

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