Return To India Causing Disagreement

i have a real experience in going back to india. I moved back to india in 2015 for 1 year. then returned back to usa in 2016. my 2 cents

most important criteria i felt was. how close are you to your extended family and your kids. why. my son has terrible allergy to dust and pollen. we moved to Bangalore which is famous for both. he was getting sick almost every week. it is very hard to keep taking off as it is not easy to get work from home in india still. my wife does not have a good relationship with her mom and my mom . so it was a very uncomfortable experience. yes we can argue Maid and full time maids. Maids are tricky in India, if you get a good one, you are lucky. most of the ones we found did not work properly and just came for money.

education. yes Indian education is good. but at the same time your kids need help. if the apartment is not good. you will have to try really hard to find good tutor.

work : timing, yes opportunities are great. but this is how i worked from morning 9 to night 9. i did not work for 12 hours. i did 9. but commute was almost 1 hour each side. my wife was also working. so both of us will be coming home when kids are close to sleeping. did not get much time to spend with kids.

cost of living. india is more expensive or close than usa.

weekend outing - hard because of traffic.

that said not all is negative

1. kids had a amazing time, never bored due to weather.
2. kids in India don't over think like in usa. if they find any kid of their age, they just play
3. For the first time i did not worry about immigration
4. I loved watching my kids spend time with my brother and his family.

 

Good points...but isn't IndusLadies supposed to be for LADIES only forum? @admin, comments please.

 

OP, I think we dont have enough data to suggest your friend. She just narrated her version of the story. Husband may not be thinking of relocating just becauae of bad boss. The interview he wants to do, may be for a very lucarative job. Isn't it his right to be ambitious or try for better opportunity? Also kids dont get much affected depending on several factors, age, class, if allergic, etc etc.
Now comes herself and job. If she expects husband to adjust because she has good job, same way can't he expect her to adjust for his career. Both should sit together and analyse whats better option, but we should always keep doors open. Life is so dynamic!!
All these only after he clears interview, but let him attempt!!

 

Hi Shreema,

Thank you for posting the problem on my behalf. I created the account just to clear some air.
Thank you all for your advices.

1. My DH is in no way an idiot. He has always been supportive and devoted to me and kiddos as my friend has already mentioned. So it hurts me to read comments which are name-calling against him.
2. Dh feels he can't grow too much in his current job as much as he can in the India offer he would get. He has slightest issue with his current boss, but that is not his motivation to leave job. He wants to grow much more than what his present job offers. Having said that the job he has currently is also bestest one, one of the best companies with very good pay and great social security. Mine is also almost similar but pay wise lesser compared to him but still competitive in market. In worst of the situations also we both can't be fired from our jobs.
3. Our visa status: both of us hold PRs and are entitled to get citizenship as and when we choose to apply.
4. The main reason which drove my DH to even think about this job: I am very attached to family, i have always told him that someday I told him I want to settle back in India, I used to be very gloomy during festivals and wedding of relatives missing being in India. But after having kids i am slowly changing my perspective. I still miss my family. But i don't want to go back just right now. May be not even for next 7-8 years. I have no problems to get either set of parents here every year. But DH says he can't be sure if he can get a good job if and when we choose to go back in future.
5. I have given up a lot career wise in first few years of my marriage for various reasons and finally am at a job which I like, it gives me great flexibilty too, i get to spend quite good time with kids too. My kids love their day care, they take amazing care of kids. Am stress free about their time there. Some of the ladies have mentioned about WFH option in Indian job, it isn't so easy to get. As easily we mention about maids and nannies facility in INdia, it is that much difficult also to get a trustworthy and of same wavelength.
6. My husband is very sensitive, very very private person and cant take any **** at all from any relative/friends, he doesn't like interference from anyone including his parents i think, we have stayed out of india for so long i am sure he ll have very very tough time, at one level he is aware of it too. And this problem is only for him, i am much better than him in this case. My tolerance level is much higher. I have a very great time when i am in india, but he on the other hand is neutral.
7. My kids haven't had any problems when we visited India. They had gala of time getting pampered. They are fine here too, they aren't bored. They are too small too to judge so quickly.
8. DH says i have lived a very busy life (job,kids,cooking, household work etc), i can now live a laid back life pampering myself if we move back to Inida by having full time maids and cook. (Apparently i had told him that I want to retire soon and take of kids all time when in India). Yes, at one point of time I liked it all but I am not of same mentality anymore. I like being busy now, i like to cook, take care of kids and do my job. Over the years I have grown like this and the main reason is a stable job.

Pros of being here:
1. Secured and stressfree jobs for both of us.
2. Pollution free environment (Sounds dumb, but hey,when i have this option why not avail it)
3. Security for children.

Pros of being in India:
1. Close to family (atleast for me, not so much for DH)
2. More domestic help
3. Good weather all round the year (but again my family loves winter too)
4. Kids will have lot of company

Cons of being here:
1. Away from family
2. Miss good Indian food (indian food in restaurants is not good here)
3. Expensive education if we send kids to INternational school.

Cons of being in India:
1. My career taking a very major hit, almost may come to end if i land in a stressfu job.
2. Worried for kids security : I knows millions of kids are surviving without getting kidnapped or sexually abused but what if my kid is one among the one? (I was sexually abused in childhood, i still feel disgusted thinking about it)
3. Education system is so stressful for kids too.
4. If the responsibility for my DH will be high then ofcourse stress will be high which he aint realising right now.

I have spoken to DH about my worries, he is considerate of them(Will stay back if i say no). But he wants to give a try for the Interview and see. I told him there are very high chances he ll get selected, but he says interviewer is not his wife to think so high of him . And right now he doesn'T have an answer for what if he gets selected with a very good offer.
That is my story.. Quite long eh..

 

My Dear you are so well organised, matured, sensible and so seems he...so basically you both do not need anyone else cheers and be same. Rest is all your decisions, we still do not know much about, like your ages, likings, what gives you satisfaction etc. So good luck to him and you!!

 

U have got a husband who thinks more of ur welfare. U r also a wonderful wife who understands him. Nice couple and great family. Keep going great heights.hope the decision u take is the best for your family. Keep thinking what ever is good will happen to you.

 

halloworld, how long does it take to apply for citizenship here? Can you return anytime you want based on just PR? I personally would like to leave the option of returning optional.
After getting the citizenship, it will take about 2 months to get OCI from for India.