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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Hugs to you @pinky2cute
    It is unfortunately very common here to re-victimize the survivor to show their supremacy.
    Some people are so naive that they believe it is their good deeds or intelligence that is behind their flawless marriage. Therefore, they would try to find fault at the poster, the moment he/she comes here with a problem.
    They are under the impression that only those who lack generosity and intelligence have marital problems.
    You can't change them... Because they are many.
    That's why, many posters here paint a very lovey dovy marriage in this forum to make sure this community accept them as nice, kind, generous and intelligent people.
    But the same posters come here with a fake ID to discuss their own problems :(

    This forum is yet another sample of the real society that we are living in. There are good people, there are nice people, there are naive people, and there are cunning people.
    So, please take everything with a pinch of salt. And ignore the rest with a smile.

    I know, it must be very hard at times when you are already confused and clueless. Sometimes, their counter arguments could be challenging, and they are completely divert your thread to some unknown direction.
    At times, you may find yourself in responding to useless questions only to justify yourself, while the main intention of your post would have gotten lost its purpose.
    So, beware. I think you can report such unwanted comments, posts and replies the moment you guess their intention. Ask the mods to delete them. There is a report button for a reason.

    I am advising you this from my own experience dear. Been there, done that.

    You are a survivor. Be proud about it.

    Accept the fact that your husband is not the one every woman would dream of. Not everyone is blessed with dream life in all the aspect.
    Imagine.. You are a doctor today. But there are girls and boys, who even commit suicide for the fact that they could not become a doctor despite of hard works.
    God doesn't give same troubles to all. But the fact is, everyone will have to face some darkness, some desert life in their life time.
    For some it is their childhood, for some it is their early marriage, for some it is their mid-life, and for some it is the elderly life. But everyone will have to undergo such dark times for sure. That's the nature of life.

    Be happy that you are facing your darkest time when you are able bodied, while you are blessed with nice and supportive people like your parents around.
    I am sure, you will survive this in no time, and move on to establish a great life very soon.

    Think about those who dance in proud about their polished life style. Imagine what happens if their dark times come with their children's life, or with their elderly times..... Life is a magic. No one knows what happens next.
    That's why it is important to be empathetic when someone is in trouble, than to judge them. Because we never know what will happen to us.
    Eg: One of my cousin was blessed with a great husband and loving PILs, who treated her like a princes in her marital home.
    She was already a queen at her parent's place, so her life was not in short of blessings.
    She is in her late 40s, and everything went very well till 31st Dec 2017 when they celebrated her only son's 21st birthday bash.
    On 3rd of Jan, her otherwise healthy son developed some sickness, which aggravated after a month, so they got him a complete medical check up.
    That's when it was revealed that he was suffering from stage 4 cancer, and there is no hope of recovery.
    After loads of treatments in the next few months, her only son died in June.
    Her life and that of her family members are in complete darkness now.
    Compared to this, what you are facing is nothing.

    It is neither of your fault nor my cousin's fault to face problems like this at various phases of the lives. It is life, and please take it as it comes.

    Respect your instinct, prioritize your self, and plan tactfully. The rest will fall in the right place.
     
    Laks09, NeetaR, Sunshine04 and 3 others like this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Taking rest of the day off. Dinner from outside. Watching:

     
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  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    answer me before you go ...why don't I see a virtual folded hand appeal now ... tactical approval for posts is it :)
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    : ) valid question. I noted that you abstained after saying you will and posted only to respond to fresh posts.

    What can I say.. I have given up. It is like trying to change direction of a flowing river. It is a matter of time before admins close this thread I guess, so I didn't issue one more folded hands plea. No tacit approval. None of the members posting are brand new. To be honest, I requested ones with whom I had a chance of success with. For the rest, the report icon is better.
     
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  5. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Now PM's getting posted here......... a dull throbbing in the side of my head........... I feel like:

    wantmymommy.gif
     
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  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    got it.
     
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  7. KrishnaPriya3

    KrishnaPriya3 Silver IL'ite

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    I saw your effort to stop virtual war and I appreciate you Rihana ji.:)
     
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  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana



    You remind me of Dhritarashtra here, “ yeh kya ho raha hai “ :)


    Pinky here is justified in seeing red because of the way her PIL’s pamper her husband. This is definitely overdone and has led him to be immature and irresponsible. This has impacted her married life significantly . So let us not judge her for that atleast.
    Plus she is undergoing a major surgery. Can we not be too harsh on her ?
     
  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Its inappropriate to pull some one post here and random people commenting rudely on it.
    Any comments should be posted in op 's original thread.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    @pinky2cute
    The purpose of this thread is to discuss sometime without derailing the original thread because very often the discussion moves somewhere else and the op of the original thread is left with a mess of a thread.

    This thread has saved many a threads from derailment.The op of the original thread can always post in this thread to clarify.

    The post by @justanothergirl was meant for me because I made some suggestion.
    It was probably with reference to many a threads here where the posters have complained about guests overstaying . It was not meant for you,it was meant for me for making the suggestion that ' husband' can continue staying with friend.

    As for mumma's feeding grown up kids in front of spouses... I repeat the wise words.....disgusting.
    I personally don't want my man to be turned into a child . It shows lack of boundaries.

    If fathers can stop feeding their grown up married daughters ,there is no reason why mothers can't develop these boundaries with sons.

    It is not just about feeding ...it is symbolic of the lack of maturity on both sides. It often is not limited to feeding .

    This is my personal view.
    Feel free to agree to disagree.

    As for advice to out do the parents in their own schemes....

    Well that is called jugaad that dysfunctional marriages need.
    If the man wants to be taken control of....why not the wife who has to live with him for life ,take care of him and bear his children.....not to mention raise them.

    Why let parents indulge in back seat driving when they don't care about the vehicle ?

    That is called trying to save a dysfunctional marriage because as they say...marriages are not child's play and one should give it all in trying to save the ' sacred bond'.
    If the parents can do it...the wife can follow tradition.


    Are marriages only about money?????

    No ,they are not.But when one gets married and decides to start a family with wife and plans to have children,then money does have an important role to play.....whether earned by husband or wife.

    In p2c 's case .....one can ask, Is parenthood all about money?

    Wife worrying about money is bad but parents controlling son's money and wanting the list of every paisa spent is not bad?
    How come the people who get offended by a wife's concern for husband's money do not ever comment about the parents need to control son's money.

    Now I am done.
    Sorry Rihanna.....:worried:control he nahi hota.
    Waisay why are you feeling bad ?
    Baal ki khaal nikalne do ( bad translation....nitpicking :()
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2018
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