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Relationship Turned Worst

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Independentgal, Nov 21, 2019.

  1. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    If your family has to be whole and happy again, it is not optional.
     
  2. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    I thought a lot about having second one,infact spent 10 yrs to get clarity.My conclusion to have second one is totally independent of my relation with my husband. Having company for my older daughter(blood relation),I felt it is the best thing I can do for her. I am sure me and my daughters will not go back to india permanently. So it is very important to have another kid
     
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  3. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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  4. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    All the more don't you think you cannot change things and you need help from professional psychologist. If you find a good one, they can really help.
     
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  5. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry, I won't expect my husband to stand up in front of my parents. Eye contact and being polite is all together different than your expectation of your husband standing up in front of your parents.
     
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2019
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Independentgal, I am glad that you are not financially or immigration-wise dependent on him. But, frankly, other than that, you need to really examine many of your goals, good intentions and how you go about them.

    You talk so casually about having another child. No, things do not fall in place eventually. A second child, and after such a gap, is a life-style altering event even for happier families.

    You treat your issues with him as separate than having a(nother) child with him. That is so cold. That is treating him like a baby/sibling providing machine. And on par with him treating you like a door mat cum ATM.

    Come now. Govt. resources, legal protection, etc. is easier to reach out for in the U.S. If you mean that there is more family support, then OK.

    Love for your child and wanting to give her a normal childhood with parents living together and a sibling to boot, has impaired your judgement. Happens to the best of us. But really... cops visiting the home and parents cold to each other is no better than parents living separately with custody arrangement. They turn 18 soon enough and the shuttling ends, but the parents' unhappy marriage and the scars of growing up in such a home stay for ever.

    Go for counseling yourself. In fact, don't start with couples' counseling, start with it just for yourself. And, ask your pediatrician for a referral of some competent child therapists. Get this help for your daughter before it gets more needed, and the teen years bring their pressures.
     
    Shreema86, hermitcrab and Topaz49 like this.
  7. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like you are in marriage for kids. How old is your second one ?
    How are kids with dad ?
    Did he accept the idea of having second child ?
    He seems to have deep rooted anger issues and expressing it using violence. Does he talk to kids ?
    I think it is unfair for your parents to suffer like this . You should send your mom sooner and find a baby-sitter.
     
  8. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    good 1st step !
     
  9. Independentgal

    Independentgal Senior IL'ite

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    Yes I am in this marriage for kids . Otherwise I wouldnt like to see faces of such arrogant people.Sucking it all up for children.
    Older one - Dad tries to be close with her but he works the same way like he does with me. But I am sure he loves her.Only concern I have is his mom might ruin his feelings same way she ruined our love.
    Little one - Both dad and little one adore each other
    For so many years he was the one who pushed me for second child but I was waiting for relationship to get better and hesitant to have second child. Later I got convinced. Answer to your question,yes he is was always happy about having second kid.
    Yes this is the major problem he has deep rooted anger issues and his control freak about money is the reason he have issues with me.
    I will send mom in few more months.Little one is only 13 months old.With his non communication,I need some help and emotional support at home.
     
  10. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    what is the trigger point for his anger ? Do you think you can avoid those to work on marriage ?
    Looks like he is a reasonable dad and he was on board for second kid.
    Does he control your finance ? What does he use his money for ?
    I would say first avoid this alternate parent visits. Work on your marriage if you see future together.
     

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