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Relationship Hijack And Banter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.

  1. rgz

    rgz Gold IL'ite

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    ok, glad for your opportunity.

    Its tangential to the emotional-cheating she did behind his back though. (subject of the thread)

    Thanks, you too.

    And yes I can handle jokes quite alright
     
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  2. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    :beer-toast1:
     
  3. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    In America when you have a car accident, not even a serious one, just something that goes by the phrase "fender bender", and gets police involved in writing up an accident report, we have lots of unsolicited junk mail from legal firms. All asking to sign up with them to collect damages -- with no upfront fees; they would get a percentage of the winnings.....ahem....settlements.

    If (pretty much) all married women, especially employed ones, are potential clients, why aren't divorce lawyers rainmaking ? After all, given the male propensities in chinese, middle-eastern, and south-asian communities, pretty much huge swathes of populations in such groups is begging for a harvest.

    For girls in such communities, and in such marital predicaments, it would be a boon to have junk-mail raining in their mailboxes from lots of divorce lawyers seeking their business. Males (who would likely screen the mail to that household) would see them, and learn that it is best to adjust their behaviors in order to protect their own long term health and well being.

    Would girl friends start giving anonymous gift-certificates to be used at legal firms ?
     
  4. confused4sure

    confused4sure Silver IL'ite

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    This is an amazing idea for a start up, or even an Non-profit!!!!
     
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  5. confused4sure

    confused4sure Silver IL'ite

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    Monthly subscription service for women with useful junk mail, with relevant messages aimed at the spouse :)
     
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  6. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Feet-to-the-fire-dot-com ? No need to aim anything at the husband.....his psyche will be the collateral damage.
    Annotation: Feet To The Fire
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
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  7. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    General venting about "searching for Brides/Grooms" here so as not to mess with the OP's thread

    I have am close to 50 now , a stage where my nieces and nephews are looking to get married. My cousins are lamenting about not finding suitable brides/grooms after searching for the past 3-4 years. Both in India and those in US.

    Some of the filters they have for groom are
    1. Not only son/child - cos parents will be possessive, full responsibility of parent care in old age will be on the son .
    2. No large families with 3-4 sons - dont wan oldest son - too many responsibilities, dont want youngest - too many co-sisters and ILs , so will have to be at their whim and fancy.
    3. MIL not so educated - will not treat daughter properly, will not understand modern DIL
    4. Family with older son and daughter(S) - again the sister's responsibility will be on the son's head, to many ILs.

    Some of the filters they have for brides
    1. Family with only daughters - responsibility of ILs will fall on their son
    2. too educated, too modern, too feminist, earns more, talks too much - dont want
    3. Family is now upper middle class now but started off lower middle class and so
    4. Must be beautiful as an "actress " , yeap my cousin asks this every time someone suggests a proposal.


    Are their concerns valid? I think they are to quite an extent. But should they be the deal breakers is my questions?
    To me it looks like they are saying is " I want a son-in-law who is smart , handsome, healthy, well educated, earns well, from good family, has good character and personality but not any hint of problem/hardship now or in far away future" . Meaning - My little one should be well taken care of and well settled, not have to face any problem all her life. He/She deserves the very best.

    As a parent I understand this need to foresee and solve every problem my child will come across, give her/him the best possible start every step of the way . But does life work that way? I have seen the over protected ones really falter when despite all the planning and support they hit problems.

    As parents we want the best for our kids. The very best. But seriously the hunt for the perfect flawless husband and the constant lamenting on the flaws of each proposal is getting to me. I dont know how I will behave when it is my turn. I hope I am still pragmatic enough to tell my kids - when searching for a partner, the work they do, their family, their education , salary , religion/language/caste etc are practical considerations and important but within a range. But compatibility and some shared values, an independent mindset, someone who respects you and treats you as a person are equally if not more important.
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Reading such posts of anguish make me feel like I hadn't done much with my two (born and raised in the USA). We had just branded them, and let them loose. They are college'd (educated? ... one would hope), have jobs with more than median incomes, no savings (hoping to get it when they acquire their share of the estate), and actively seeking spouses in whatever manner they are comfortable with.

    We are watching from a safe distance.

    And hope that we'd be asked to fund their wedding, and it won't be one of those things where we need to rent a shotgun. As neither of us own one, we'd have to get one of our hunting friends to come along as an interested "uncle". We have many such gun owning friends that the children used to call "uncle" when they were little.
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    We thought these concerns are not valid a decade back when we got married. But living a marriage with ups and downs in the past 1 decade, I accept that my parents/elders were right about their valid concerns.

    A handsome, smart, healthy, educated, well earning husband of mine has turned to be a jobless, clueless, weak and sick man within 10 years because of the problems created by his uneducated, culture-less, crooked, twisted parents and family members. In fact, these people were not crooked or twisted until they felt threatened about their DIL, and their planned way of living; hence resorted to all these bad ideas to have everything their ways.

    Like you, I was confident that nothing could be a deal breaker in marriage as long as the couple are in good understanding and affection. But I was wrong.
    To deal with this kind of people, one needs to be prepared and stay on alert mode almost all the time. It is not worth it.

    Therefore, I take it as a costly lesson for life, and would consider 100 times before my children settle with their life partner.
    If that is not possible, I would sponsor my children to stay away (if possible in another planet - hope by the time they are married it will be a possibility) from their crooked PILs.
     
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  10. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

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    One of my aunt is bedridden with dialysis treatment and a broken hip. Since she is close to me she requested me to take over the job of looking for alliance for her son and daughter who are 28 and 24 respectively. She feels with her health issues she may not be able to do all the running around etc for looking for suitable alliance for her kids. Why running around because they don't want to register online yet and want to go the traditional way of seeking alliance from nearby temples which is like offline matrimonial thing .
    The first round of filter is done by their dad who matches the horoscopes/stars through some calculations and shortlists a few profiles and shows them for their approval/rejections.
    Recent rejections of the prospective bride :
    1) he is a pre sales consultant and she doesn't want sales guy . His masters degree in management from a reputed institution doesn't matter. All that matters is "pre sales". For someone who is 6 months into her career how to make her understand that pre sales job profile is not bad at all.
    2) one is apparently having a "child like " face - I don't know what to tell here.
    3) one is too nerdy - apparently his facebook profile pic shows him playing chess tying a cloth around his eyes. And this makes her reject him saying he's nerdy.
    4) One rejected because his elder bro is unmarried . She feels that elder brother may cause trouble to her.
    5) one more rejected because he had a long hair during his college days. - current hair style is all professional look ,but that doesn't matter, the past hair style matters which she saw in facebook.

    Rejections from the prospective groom :
    1) The girl's dad is a Purohith in a temple and girl will be too reserved - seriously how does one decide this without meeting the girl. Though the girl is employed in an MNC with good education it doesn't matter. All that matters is dad is a temple purohith
    2) second rejection very similar to first one. - dad is a purohith
    3) third - girl is too innocent and looks like she can't stand up for herself .
    On what basis this was concluded I don't know.
    4) Girl is too stylish and modern.

    So after their rejections which has been going on for a couple of months now I told my aunt "Get well soon and let's resume the groom/bride hunting once you are back to your normal activities. For now I'm taking a break from this."

    These kind of rejections are getting on my nerves and I'm not going to advice or make them understand because they know what they want. And I'm no Way gonna force them with my principles and ideologies(which I had in my mind 8 years back when I was in their position) and be held responsible for their future marital problems.(but sincerely wish they don't have any problems).
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
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