Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.
This web site should offer a plan where both MIL and DIL would be members, and they would live in the same virtual house, the ReHaB thread discussion. There would also be a private thread (participation by invite only) where MIL could yell at the DIL, and DIL can yell back. No harm done, no grandkids to listen to the fracas. No property damage, or police invited to break up a 273. Son is not in the middle as a peacekeeper. I could be the peacekeeper. Doing this or this of this or this or this.... or .
Ok you are early retired and doing what you want (like) doing. But is this what you want to be doing?
I do believe you are onto something here.
Let me give my example. I grew up in India. throughout growing years ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ ‘do you know how much this or that costs’ was a constant refrain. So as teens we would think twice to ask for even basic things forget frivolous things. I think this was pretty typical of most parents of that era. Even though in my case parents didn’t go through any extraordinary difficulties like moving to a different land or starting afresh the constant looking at the prices was there.
Now coming to our gen, we all moved to different lands and worked our asses off. There literally was no money to be had. For like rent or food. Slept on floor till we saved money to buy mattress types right? Had to earn it or go without. And those early days have left their mark. I see this all the time. Not just me and hubby our friends also do the same. ‘Beti don’t worry. Another computer? ok.’ ‘Beta, decide what you want to do. Leave the expense to us. We are there no’
How many of us have given this dialogues to our kids and teens? All or most, right? Why? We never say no to our kids for anything. To quote my hubby ‘I don’t want our kids to go through what we did. I don’t want them to feel deprived. —- is still a kid let him enjoy we are there no?’
Isn’t this the case with all of us?
And so now we have these kinds of sights to witness from the new gen. If you never say no and raise your kids to not worry about the expense and to just go for it all their life - well they are taking us at face value and as young adults or at marriage time saying ‘I want this that. Buy it for me. Or give me this much, that much money. Why not? I know you have it. I know you can afford it. why are you saying no?’
Now we can’t complain right?
I don’t know what is the right thing to do just giving my observations and what I have noticed. I am also guilty of the above behavior 100%. But not sure what or how to correct to avoid the problem.
Wait till then? My point is waiting to say that in kids mid to late 20’s be a little late, no? And which parent will say don’t marry. I don’t think it is practical
No, I dont mean start in 20s. You have to start young. If you pamper them and they turn out spoilt, then whats the use in blaming the young adults when they dont have any perspective. Parenting is not about buying them things and comfort, it is also about teaching them to deal with realities and uncomfortable situations in life and the value of working hard to make their own living. Otherwise you have entitlement issues and they will struggle inside of their own marriages with their spouses too.
Yeah ok. That will work for the posters who just gav birth and all but what about me. People like me who already have kids in the pipeline so to speak and already started making the mistakes how to correct
I guess better late than never.
Eventually life will sort them out if parents dont, but that will be painful. Life's methods are harsher, and painful than parental teachings.
@Rihana you inspire me. I just had to make one, though I dont have a copper mule.
I must say, it brought back rather fond memories.
I think its never too late to teach the kids to fish, though, its a lot easier when they are young. Also, its rather cruel that you choose to cut the cord at the alter. The timing is wrong.
Even then, you can always say, nope. No more vending machine chips. Go to costco and buy in bulk.
By you, I dont mean you.
How gullible NRIs can become! : ) Good thing is it becomes a part and parcel of life and doesn't rankle that much after a while.
10K per night? Hmmm.. I usually paid 8.6 K and thought that was high. One time I had a grand fight at the reception when they refused to charge me the rate they were charging another person checking in without reservation. : ) Another fun thing I remember having heard is, "what this cage of a house you keep on saying you bought and is yours?" Cage meaning small. Height of practicality was, "Amma, I think I'll make a solo India trip, has been 2 yrs." "Aiyo.. why you want to leave kids and come... no no... instead send us the money you would spend for the ticket."
Not so laughable was when I needed a place to go recoup the mind and blah.... 'I want to come stay few weeks... need a break from robotic life and all....' Got the reply, 'try some women's organizations in your city.. x,y, z was saying there are many south asian ngo's to help women who need a place........'
poovai, one day, when my kids are also adults and launched off in the world.. we should meet. Will be fun to exchange notes, I have a feeling. : )