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Relationship Hijack And Banter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Sep 17, 2018.

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  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Aiyyo! I've heard of several cases over the years. The first one many decades ago when I was just a kid. Although that one was a permanent separation rather than a legal divorce.

    Too many marriages are held together only by the children. Once the kids are off on their own, there's no glue to hold the couple together. If ILs move in, DW decides she'd rather look after her own parents. :)

    I hear gray divorces are trending in the US:
    This is why baby boomers are divorcing at a stunning rate
    After Full Lives Together, More Older Couples Are Divorcing
    Grey Divorce: Its Reasons & Its Implications
    .
     
  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    How delightfully wicked! :hearteyes:
    .
     
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  3. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    many NRIs start with investing in India where parents take care of everything and often have property in their name because the NRI is not present at the time of registration , does not want to waste the money to go for registration, does not bother to go through the pain of getting a special power of attorney in a foreign land which can enable parents to do the work on behalf of child ... if NRI takes these pains then by law the property will be on child’s name ....

    there is lot of running around to do which is difficult for someone sitting outside country to do ... sometimes this ease of getting things done can later become accusation on PILS .... could be true , could be false
     
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  4. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

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    Maybe possible but most pil s hold onto sons money. We will know the truth when son wants to sell one property
     
  5. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    The best way is to avoid such possibility in first place , NRIs handle everything by themselves instead of taking an easy route of making parents run around
     
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  6. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

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    true ! Only if pils let their son to take care of finances. There are pil s who want to control their sons finances and investment as long as they can
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Who makes parents run around.??
    My inlaws used to ask my husband to send all the savings every single month.
    Why can't parents let go of their NRI kids to handle their money. They can always take money for their personal and medical expenses.
    Why keep sucking the NRI sons money till he drops dead .
     
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  8. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    This buying property in parents' name is complicated. The transferring to child's name does not happen easily. My friends come back from their India trip and say for yet another reason the property could not be transferred. Sometimes it is a required paperwork missing, some new rule, they are unwilling to pay bribe to the registration office employees.

    One case I know is my friend (she is the youngest of 5 siblings). Between them they have about 14-15 properties (flats or plots). All are registered in her father's name whose Sathabhishekam (80th birthday) was grandly celebrated back in 2015. Happy family blessed with no money disagreements. The 5 siblings each have 1-2 kids, some done with college. If the man dies without transferring the properties to respective owners, I believe each time a person wants to transfer a property to his name, it will need the signatures of all the rest of the siblings (and their spouses, children).

    For one reason or another, the man keeps postponing the transfer process. Touch wood..,my friend says none of the siblings or spouses will cheat or create problems. But it would make life simpler for all if he signed the papers.

    Money complicates everything.
     
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  9. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh .yeah .my fil sucked all our money till he died.
    Only now we are able to control our income.
     
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  10. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Why? Reasons vary but there a few common categories. The desire to see all children live in equal'ish luxury, wanting to show off to relatives, or a more innocent desire to enjoy luxuries they could not in their 20's-40's. Often, the parents really don't see anything wrong in that money sucking. The taker siblings might feel a little uncomfortable but those niggling feelings are dismiss-able with a "NRI can afford it."

    It is nice though to see that this NRI money sucking has been gender-neutral for quite a while. Posts in IL here over the last 10 years and some candid offline exchanges I have with members (some who no longer post) have shown that parents suck money from NRI daughter almost as often. If they have both an NRI son and NRI daughter, then, more gets sucked from son.

    I have given thought to this "why." Why do they do this. I think when people see that a person has what they consider as dispensable time or money, they feel they have a right on it.

    Once money squabbles enter a relationship, it never is the same. People will be there for each other in big events and emergencies but the relationship suffers. Like a crumpled piece of paper, it is never fully smooth again.

    LOL I have enough dialogs for a short film on this:
    "You say you bought a flat for us ... what is this.. it is a dollhouse. 980 sqft built-up... " "But amma, you wanted in a prime area, ground floor, own underground water source, near hospitals, your longtime doctor, walkable to autorickshaw stand, shopping..." "Yeah yeah.. let it be. Neighbor's son bought a car also for parents, and kept driver."

    NRi child dealing with house underwater sends $300 to sibling celebrating significant birthday. Both are happy, but parent has to say, "300? Does that suit your status?" Or did she say stature? : )

    Visiting NRI child needs a jar of baby food for phorengi 6 month old. The invoice later presented includes the autorickshaw cost to go to two medical halls to find that jar. Running short on cash near trip end, NRI child says I will write a check for all expenses after I reach U.S. She sends the said check. Two weeks later, DHS rings the bell. Package from India. The check has been returned by registered mail. Why? It did not include costs for the new washing machine, house painting, new curtains, and new drawing room furniture that was bought for NRI child's visit.

    ROFL. : ) Time is the greatest teacher and healer indeed.

    Yes. With such parents, sometimes peace comes only after they are dead and gone.
     
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