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Really depressed

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by omnam, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    IL,

    I have been going thro lot disturbance due to problems in my life. Please prey for me...i need lot of strength and support from you all.
     
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  2. srjaya

    srjaya Senior IL'ite

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    may saibaba remove all your difficulties , troubles , give strength and grant you peace and happiness.


    om sai ram
     
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I hope you have and gain all the strength you need to deal with the tough situations....


    remember...god gives such tough situations..only if he thinks you can handle it...!!!you are always stronger than you think you are!!
     
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  4. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes i can handle to situation...i do have strength. I can make money, build house, buy car, make my kid study well but how about my personal desires. I feel so lonely even after stressed in office and with kid. I feel nobody is there to take care of me even when my family is strongly supporting me. I always feel being empty.
    I dont have time to join meditation group. After office I get only 2-3 hours of time with kid, I feel she deserves the time with me. I get up in the mid of night and start crying thinking of past and future.

    I feel I need a good frnd circle but that will be again temprory thing. They will move on in life with change in their situation then again i will be in ground zero.

    I really dont know wht to do.

    I have still not filed the case. Though i called him and spoke. He still is an confused person. He said I cant forget you, still carries my pic in purse, says i m his first and last marriage, curse me for not listening to his inhuman conditions to live with him, curse me for being independent, curse me for not being his slave, said this is not his kid, in one moment talks of living together, the next moment talk of living as it is without seperation as he dont like to accept the things which he didnt got in first instance, and of course name calling, bad words while talking.

    I want a better life. I feel if counceling will work for him but he is not ready for it. I really dont know. Its 1.5years of speration but still not able to decide if i have a life beyond him and still feels this is repairable.
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    see if you are willing to wait to see change in him...wait!!! and dont complain...or dont think what may/may not happen.....dont think that you are wasting your time n life n desires n youth!!!

    but if you think he may not come back/change...file hte case and let him deal with it.....you cannot pay for his mistakes right??

    I would seriously suggest, keep an open mind....i.e after you get divorced....start mingling with eligible men and try to see if you can like someone...

    just because your life seems to be on hold you are feeling this lowness.....but if patience is what it takes...then I know you are wayyy more patient with this guy....

    may be warn him that you are done with waiting n ready to file the separation...(ask yourself are you ready??? what if he doesnt come to terms with it and the separation happens...will you be ok with it??)

    see our life is not easy/simple as if picture it...everyone has some issues / challenges...your challenge in life is to get your husband ACT on your marriage....so instead of feeling your life is lost...everytime you talk to him ....suggest n insist on counselling...therapy...ask him to come for one session...for the sake of your kid...

    finally if he doesnt feel that emotional connectivity and all he has is movie dialogues and drama baazi...then you know where you stand.....this is the time for you not to be emotional....to be tough n make the right decision..

    coming to starting from ground zero...remember life is always a challenge....everyone has to start somewhere...be glad you are not stuck in a rut n abuse ...you have everything except a spouse...and you will have a spouse too if you work towards that direction.....that is meeting people and wanting to get married again....so first deal with whats in your hand...i.e your husband....drag him..push him...coerce him ...steer him..whatever it takes....and do your best..try your best..and if you see no hope or no light..pls dont waste time.
     
  6. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Sri,

    I understand I being very emotional. When read about body else issues, I have clear picture of solution but when it comes to my issues, I think of some miracle to happen. Moreover he is so smart enough to make me crazy. He spoke asif he is breaking up any teenage affair. He gives so much spice to make me emtionally, I dont have other option but to think he is true. I know he dont deserve and not worth of my patience. i was patience jsut for the kid and he smartly said thats not his kid. I am not going to prove by any DNA test, that wont solve the matter. He will put forth other issue again i will have to go proving that I am as pure as Sita mata. He says he trusts me but i never listened to him. So i do understand this is not a mature guy will do his wife but still i feel helpless but think of him.

    I simply think he wants me to run behind him like a crazy girl to live with him. So that he will put his conditions and i will agree to it for living with him. He is playing with my mind again and I am allowing to. I just don't want to get into any mischeif and fraudulent things. I want to come out of it.

    I have younger sis for whom we are looking for alliance...we have decided to file case once my sis is married just for the reason that we cant concentrate on two different things at a time.

    I know its not easy to come out breakups but i m really not able to deal after talking to him.
     
  7. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Pls....make yourself strong...wait till your sister is married and DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE!! I dont know how can you become emotional ...about a man specially when he says the kid is not HIS!!! NASTY fellow...that one word is more than enough to kick him out and let him dig his own grave!!!!

    if you think you will end up in woods alone....remember where he will end up???!!! do your best for your daughter....be patient till your divorce....and start getting things in control.....enough of he playing with your emotions and making it difficult for you to digest his approach or separate...he has so much control over you inspite of you living away from him..its not good
     
  8. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    I know the fact that he controls my mind. I have problem of being loving somebody so much that he/she will ride over me. I will realise that I was overly bearing the person when he/she openly says I did this thing to you and then they apologies and i forgive. I have to change myself and want to be assertive. This attitude of mine has landed me in such worse situation. I never realised being innocent (?? or idiot) is no less than a curse in this world. I thought bending and adjusting for the loved one esp husband is nothing wrong. But more I bend more he will make me realise he was correct and i was wrong. He stretched bending thing till the slavery.

    Thanks Sri for patiently writting to me. God bless you.

    PS- I know I will come back in few days with the same feelings....weeping again :-(
     
  9. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    I guess thats the sign of being harrassed and abused always have emotional thing for the abuser. Whenever this abuser call me i will pick the phone and talk, will never dare to not to pick his call. If he talks anything bad i will curse my fate not him. I know its totally due to harrasement, i have to come out of it.
     
  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    The emotions are controlled by your mind. Whether you feel good or bad about him at two different times, it is all coming from your mind. Now, he is not living with you and hence he is not causing it and it is your mind that is causing it. You need to spend sometime introspecting and reliving your entire married life using your intellect. Ask questions to yourself, what are the wrong doings and what are the pleasant happenings in your married life. Evaluate it carefully and see which one weighs more than the other. Remember always, no human being is perfect. They have positive and negative traits and one always outweighs the other. That is what determines whether a person is good enough to live with or not. Your intellect would guide you in the right direction. If your gut tells you that it is not worth living, make that decision and never look back. If it tells you to try it again, never change your mind and go in with an open mind and forgiveness in your heart.

    If possible have a open conversation with him and see how much he repents for his actions including questioning the birth of the child. It is worst thing any person could do to a woman and especially when it comes from the husband, it is intolerable and unacceptable. Even if your heart tells you to reconcile, please do not do it unless you see marked improvement in his attitude and things that had happened in the past won't repeat again.

    Particularly, the focus has to be the child and what would bring happiness and joy to your child. Don't try to meditate when your mind is in shambles. It won't work. After you make a decision one way or another, remove all your thoughts associated with that with an intent to forget it and move on. When your mind is calm, you can meditate and achieve peace.

    I will pray for you and I herewith send my positive vibrations to you for you to make an appropriate decision that is in the interest of your child and yourself.


    Viswa
     
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