Really Confused About My Husband's Behaviour. Pls Help.

@BlueLotus No loving respecting husband would jeopardize his marriage for the sake of a platonic friendship with another woman. Your husband turns the tables on you by blaming you for this entire mess that he is solely responsible for. Wake up and smell the coffee . He has checked out of the marriage , you are flogging a dead horse. MIL , cultural and other issues are your justifications for his behavior ( planted by him in your head and your need to be in the marriage ). IF MIL impacted fidelity in a marriage most women around the world would have a cheating spouse. So that’s not true at all.
You are stuck in the past, with the loving and caring spouse that you once had.
At this point there is no need of additional proof at all. His behavior says it all. Cut your losses and walk out ASAP.

 

If you don't have any proof then there could be possibility that there is nothing. Be alert but don't overreact. It might be a simple friendship and your behaviour could make him far from you. First wait watch analyse collect proofs then think about what to do

 

The answer is definite," yes".

I do have two female friends (two female colleagues of me) who are very close to me. There is a constant compulsion of they having to talk to me and me having to talk to them for work related matters. They talk to me at least once every few days. There are days when they have told me things like , "miss you".

Simply a mention of "miss you ", does not mean an ongoing illicit affair between your husband and his female friend.

Obviously, yes.

If my wife doesn't have the maturity to understand and appreciate what is a very inoccuous friendship between me and my female colleague, I definitely conceal it from her knowledge.

Whether it is politically correct or not is a different issue

 

THE

 

Hi Op,

Your post reminds me of my initial days of marriage, though arranged we tied knot after dating for 2+ years. Though our marriage survived for 4 years after this incident (EMA of Dh) the wound has healed but scar still there.

Hats off to you. Indeed you are very brave and strong minded lady facing this situation along with your kid.

Sorry I don' have any suggestions for you.

Getting proof is not very difficult first check bank/debit card/credit card detail statements, phone records, emails through legal adviser.

Today your kid is innocent and don't understand these scenario, but what tomorrow?

 

Since you asked a male's perspective.

1. I have a whatsapp group with 3 people, two my female friends and I in it. our discussions range from Sex,to sharemarket to the guys that hit on them at work to spirituality. My phone is password protected, my wife knows the pwd and I never delete my whatsapp chats. One of these female friends is good friends with my wife, I haven't know their husbands so well, but we aren't strangers.

2. infatuations are common at workplace, developing liking and soft corner for someone of opposite gender at work is easy too. Best way forward is to let your significant other know about it, 99.9% of the times things become normal once your spouse knows about it ,caveat - the spouse is understanding enough. I know of many nice, genuine men at work going the extra mile to hide their genuine friendships with females from their possessive wives, vice versa is true as well.

3. once I had to sit with my wife and read my whatsapp chat log of I talking to a close female friend of mine because my wife suspected something fishy. Unfortunate part of the chat was, my friend and I were discussing about an old colleague and my female friends had a remark in their referring to bosom of the old colleague, which the colleague was famous for in our batch. summarily, my wife and I had our own set of misunderstandings initially but we have come a long way, we are a lot more chilled out about a lot of things now, that said we know there is nothing that can replace loyalty.

sorry if that were TMI, but wrote it down since I thought it would help you to decide if you were being possessive or not.

I feel, you jumped the gun, didn't get enough evidence to support your claim this way or that way(unless I missed reading something). I am not saying your hubby didn't have an affair or had one. all I am saying is, if he didn't like intimacy and behaved odd, you should have tried to understand why he is behaving as such and not accuse him. if it were infatuation on the other girl that is making him behave such, help him make up his mind as to what he wants also let him know you understand infatuations and accept those and you both have to move on from those but don't turn those into affair, affair is immoral. You can't be like her, you can only be you and that should be the only offer from your side. never try to be someone else.

Relationships are two sided, when only one wants to protect it, it becomes an emotional abuse, so be prepared to move on. For a log relationship and stay strong , the people involved should love and like each other as they are and if they have to change they have to change together.

Why don't you put all this behind and take a vacation and then decide later ?

 

Pretend as if even you lost interest with your husband tat way he may find some changes in you and may react to it. Sometimes removing a thorn from thorn works out !