Problem with Parents

Be cool.....
First of all you should not think that your parents are irritating you. You should think in their perspective also. One more thing, whatever you are now, only because of them. So be cool and calm.

As this is really sensitive matter, handle it with care. I would like to advise you, not to give the whole money as it is the only saving you have and you are not working now. You can call or mail your father mentioning all these problems. Anyway as an elder sister, you also should have some responsibility about your sister’s marriage. Please do that. Please do not bother about the name that your parents used to call your son. It’s really a silly matter. You are feeling bad only because it happens in middle of these problems.

So with a peaceful mind, call your father and inform all matters. Problems will increase if you keep it in your mind. You should discuss it with your parents.:-D

Regards

 

dear friend ,
do not offend ur parents by directly saying no.maybe say that in usa one has to put some fixed money in baby's name which the parent cannot touch so u can afford only small amount(quote the amount which u can easily spare)
also ,when ur mom calls ur son mini just show ignorance & ask who u r talking about .then if she says that ur son .u can say oh but his name is.....not mini.i believe that' yatha naam thaatha guun i.e as name so r qualities & too feel offended if someone calls me or my son with some othername than the true one.

 

Hi.

It was sad to read your side of the story, the basic problem is that you have mentally divided the two families which is the greatest mistake that people generally make . I would say its pay back time. Things would nt have always been easy for your parents while you were growing up but they probably never burderned you with them , hoping that someday you would be able to partake a share of your responsibility. You are young and can still earn money with he blessings of your parents. Be as good to give as you have been to take. hope i have been able to let you do some soulfull reasoning , rather than your rational and logical reasoning. Sometimes its good to listen to the heart than your head and dont forget it wont be long before your child grows up and then you wouldnt want to be in your fathers shoes.

 

Hi , i am shocked to read your mail. I think of myself as a son to my mother, and here you are so perplexed by the thought of helping your own parents in their time of crisis. You should consider yourself fortunate that you are getting a chance to help them. WHAT IF YOU NEEDED HELP DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD TURN YOU DOWN IF THEY COULD HELP. Never! help with as much as you can, there is no need to give up all your savings. The thought is most imp. Tomorrow if you are in their position and if your child did this to you how would u feel.

 

Dear Aathalia,

You are the eldest daughter. You are supposed to shoulder half the responsibility of your sister's marriage.
when your parents are asking you for money, dont assume they are happy about it. they must be feeling great discomfort asking you for money. Give them how muchever you think u can afford mayb 8k. keep the remaining for your expense. dont tell me that whatever u have saved is the only earning in your house?

As for her calling your son mini, mayb that is her way of expressing her love for your son. is it so bad? i think u r blowing things out of proportion. u need to have a more mature and understanding approach.

 

HI Athaalia,

Please lend the money to your parents, I think that is the right thing to do. After reading your mail, I got one doubt that don't u share everything with your parents and with your sister. If u shared everything then they don't ask u to give the total of your savings money.

First, tell to your mother about how much u have and how much u can lend. She will definetly understand your situation. One mother only can understand other mother's struggle and pain so u are a mother and u should know and understand your mother's point of view. Now thier priority is that to finish your sister's wedding so please help them.

During my marriage my sister helped my mother to buy the jewlery whichever needed for my marriage. My mother paid her eventually. Now I gave money for my brother for his studies and again my sister gave money for my mother for house building. No documents signed and no promising of when to pay it back......if my brother didn't pay it back also I don't bother.....I am happy I could help him when he needed my help.

So don't step back give your helping hand to your mother. I am sure your mother will tell everyone that her elder daughter helped her in her youngest daughter's marriage.

Did I mention that I and my sister gave the money to my mother and brother which wasn't ours.....our husbend's...they are so generous to give the money to my parents...

Ask your husbend to lend some money if u like to keep yours in savings account then tell your parents that is your husbend's money and he wants it to be paid...They will understand.

Hope it helps.
Srilak.

 

I have never fired anyone here in on this forum. But I have to fire your apprehensions. I must say I am disgusted to know, Children like you exist in this world.
I did a small extra effort of seeing all messages from you. And all I cud get were just two threads.. one "problem with parents" and second "irritating mom".
So I see, where you are getting this thoughts from. You know what, you should not give any money to your parents. Because they should come to know what kind of hopeless daughter they have. I would never regard a spouse who cannt help his own parents in their time of need.So i dont know why your dear husband is not giving you wisdom. Probably you have chosen somebody like you.

If you think your parents cannt marry their daughter off without your help. Then you are wrong. They are much better who educated you and gave you your being who thinks like this.

:bang

 

Dear Athaalia,

You really have a sensitive problem in your hand. If your parents can raise the money by other sources then it is not wise on your part to wipe off your emergency fund just like that. And you are not sure about your father returning the money.

You think that if you do not lend the money now, the relationship will be lost. But if you lend the money and if your father does not return it, or the money is not there when you most need it, even then the relationship will be lost.

The best way out is just give some thing like 1000 $ or 1500$ and tell them that it is a gift and they need not give that back. Tell them that's all the money you have on your checking account and the rest of the funds are locked up in mutual funds and wll entail a huge withdrawal penalty.

That way there won't be any hard feelings either side.

If in spite of this your parents feel bad, it is their problem. Be gentle and yet firm.

From your post I find that you have given adequate thought to this problem. So whatever you decide don't ever feel guilty about it.

I have been dealing with money and people all my life. In a situation like this, the relationship invariably gets from bad to worse, when you lend the money. If you refuse, there may be initial bitterness but it will be all right later.

regards,

 

Dear Friend,

I know Money is important for everyone in this world. But relationships are more important than money. Many of them have advised you, blasted you, ...
You can take my reply in anyway you want. But remember always
"Parents brought you into this world, whatever you are, it is because of them. Sisters and Brothers are blood relations. You can earn money and buy everything but you can never buy parents."

Keep some money for your emergency purpose. Give whatever you can, may be as a gift, do not worry about getting it back from your dad. I know, may be you had some problem with your inlaws regarding the dowry issue that makes you feel irritated and frustrated. Your parents have another daughter to get married, you should understand. As you said your hubby is good, then he can handle this issue and put an end to the dowry issue so that your inlaws never comment or nag about it. You are trying to find all reasons to get irriated with your mom, which is not fair. When the kids grow up, parents always expect from their kids anything and everything. You will know this when your kid growsup. It is your duty to help them when they are in need. You should be a good daughter and a good sister, you should be ready to help without them asking you.

Try to change your mentality.