Problem again... Disturbed.. and need quick remedy please

Tugga,

You got many replies and many advices. most of them are angry with your husband but I am angry with you. You are asking for quick remedy but I have no quick remedy. This will take time becos you have to realize the problem is not in the husband it is in you. there is a little worm in your head, in your thinking that is repeatedly making you throw away all that you gained back with sheer hard work. Why, Tugga? why you are doing this again and again? One of the posts said 'dont confuse pity with love'. I agree with that statement. I think you are v. v. confused person. The problem is in your head and the solution is when you pull that worm out of your head, the one that whispers to you 'give him another chance', 'maybe he will change this time' maybe all is well' the one that still holds out hope to you for a normal family life wit this man, that worm Tugga, you know very well what I am saying. Tugga, you have to screw up your courage, and pull out that worm no matter how much it hurts, and burn it and destroy it and get rid of it so it doesnt enter your head again. Then only you will be able to take a good decision.
Good luck!

 

Tugga...
when i read your post about the maid problems and H coming back.. I was like.. what is she doing?????.... and now I think you are getting the results of your foolish decisions of allowing him to empower you again!!!..
as so many are saying THROW HIM OUT.. its your house your baby and your mom.. when there are weeds in the garden the plants choke and no saplings can grow.. is this what you want for your family???..
there is no place for empathy for this man you call your DH..
K

 

Why? Probabily since you do not like your MIL, he does not like his

 

Hi Tugga,
Maybe your DH feels that your Mom interfers too much and you also want to keep her around for baby care. You had been going for food to your Moms place if I am not mistaken and used your place for sleeping only during pregnancy. And your DH used to run between the two houses. Check me if I am wrong.
Why should both Mom and MIL play such an important role in your marital life? There are so many ladies working as well taking care of their household without Mom hovering around.
You may not like it but have you ever made an effort to make a home for yourself and DH and now baby? There always seem to be a dose of Moms and MIL in your life.
Cut the apron strings, take care of water as well as maid , baby problems.
Its because you rely so much on your Mom that you feel undone even for the smallest thing and feel that you cannot exist without her.
You are worrying about very minor everyday things which happen everyday in many households.
Grow up.Turn your house into a home.

 

Very true.
But I would attribute it to the lack of emotional support she gets from her H. She does need some moral support right? And the only person to do that is her mom!
In addition to it, her H does not want to be STAH dad! cant take of the kid, cant take care of the house, and still she is ready to go on in her life with him!! I'm more surprised at that part. He really needs a WAKE UP call!

 

Pls send you mom back. Why does she have to go through all this pain? Dont bring your MIL either. Manage with your maids. If not, quit your job and be with your husband and LO.

I see someone else has put forth the above idea in a better way!

 

NOPE. Never every do this mistake...!!! NEVER I am warning you......the moment you quit your job....you will see more losses n tensions in your life....now the only tension is who will take care of the baby....but if you quit your job....think who will pay the bills....eventually you will be dragged to your MILs place.

Why not send the kid with your mom....and hire a maid at your moms place so that atleast your mom, sister and brother can monitor the maid....we just need someone to monitor the maid so that the baby is taken care well....and as we know your husband is not even doing that monitoring job well....dont worry about the pain of having to send your kid away for a while.....you can put your kid in a day care if he is 1 or 1 and half yr old....less prone to any allergies etc..(still delicate though...) get your kid back....when your old maid comes back...

another thought is..if you have any close friends, ask them for a favour...for couple of months...offer to pay them...am sure baby siting at home is not illegal in india atleast ....find options....dont give up...and stay strong!!! be bold...dont quit your only job...

 

Agree with Sri. Dont quit ur job.
Ur D(?)H ...is a freeloader.
Tell him clearly ...There is no free lunch. Either he goes out and earns a living or stays at home
to take care of the baby and the house. If he insists on doing nothing then its time you put ur foot
down bid him adios ,ask him to take care of himself and freeze all the assets and money flow.
He is not learning unless he is pushed to a corner.

Hire a good maid/nanny ..dont skimp...babies dont stay little forever. Safety is the most important thing. You can always earn back the money.
Take care of ur house and the baby.
Tugga..miracles and quick solutions dont happen on their own..u need to make them happen.
Remember if u continue to do today what u did yesterday then tomorrow will be the same as today,.
Take the first step to change ur life.
Good luck!

 

good one!!!

 

This suggestion would have been perfectly reasonable if the OP's husband was even half way reasonable in his behaviour. Here we have a guy who wants to sit around, do nothing, wipe out wife's bank balance and bring in his mother to make sure wife is put through the grinder. What would happen if she were also to leave her job and sit at home?

One also needs to think of real situation in India. It is more easily said "leave your kid with a baby sitter" unless like Vidya suggested the "baby sitters" are friends(again hard to guarantee someone would be willing to do that). Maids are hard to come by, unreliable, so one certainly needs a back up at home. If the husband refuses to help, where does the wife leave the kid when she goes to work?

Well said Vidya.

I absolutely second this. I don't see any reason why you should have to keep supporting this man Tugga. He is not a dependable, reliable, supportive partner, of no practical value at home and will only be a very bad role model for your kid.