Problem again... Disturbed.. and need quick remedy please

send your kid with your mom. I am telling you this again, this guy is not going to make your life any easier. STOP paying attention to hsi remarks and commands. a MAN who doesnt own responsibility or who doesnt share responsibility is not worth a cent of respect.

The more you think n accomodate his interests the more he will push you to your limits. You know what will happen if his mom is going tolive at your place.....atleast now you are confident your kid is safe...but if your MIL is there you will have more headaches. send your kid with your mom and take that heartache for a while until you figure out an alternate arrangement.

If your husband asks, tell him to first growup and take responsibility of the house and then start preaching about who can stay in your house or not and what he wants the other person to do.

 

Dear Tugga I have gone through all your previous threads. You have suffered lot because of your lazy, foolish husband and greedy controlling in laws. They just want your hard earned money not you or your son. Now at least you become firm and separate from him till your son grows. Focus on raising your son with help of your mom and servents. Your husband is coming only to torture you so don't add your stress any more. Be strong now and tell him to go back to his parents forever. Don't be emotional fool any more.

 

If you want to wait up to see change in him...COVER yourself with a strong emotional armor so that you can never be hurt with your husbands behaviour or words....You got to be strong and confident..and show him nothing can put you down...the moment he throws a tantrum you keep running like a lost puppy...and he gets all the attention that he wanted..and he is pushing n pushing it more on you so that eventually you will breakdown and say yes to what he wants.....and you had end upw ith much more worse everytime you did this....

I am sorry to say this..but this plan of having a kid with a man who was not having a job or mind set of his own itself was a very wrong move!!! with men like these things will always be temporary...because if you turn back n see , count how many times he was normal and wanted to concentrate on his future...its mostly about his father/brother/mother...he was never worried about wife and future fmaily...

atleast now...stop crying or getting worked up....time to say hell with you and put down your foot andfor him to be treated with equal respect as an adult...he has to show that he has taken responsibility....your son is his son too...dont forget that. if he cant show that emotion..he better stay away rather than under teh same roof...because he is not adding any happiness except for being an emotional burden.

 

This is not at all right on your husbands part. afterall your mother is staying here not for her but for your baby. she is old enough to take all these things. dont he has any manners how to behave in a good manner to elder people that too one who is helping you out in your needs..You simply ask him if it would have been his mother then also he would have behaved in this way..surely not...just tell him firmly that you behave in tit for tat, if he behaves this way to your mother then you will also behave in the very same manner to his mother at that time dont he expect any love and respect and love for her...

some people understand only when it comes back to them..Be straight and firm to him...and as soon as possible just send your mother back as she is not there for bearing such insults, moreover this will poison your, yours mothers,and your husbands relation forever..No one ever forgets his insult.

i am really feeling bad for your mom, if i would have been on your place i would have never ever beared such insult of my parents..never,..

 

Tugga, Hugs to you girl. Sorry for your mom. See, having a irresponsible husband, a baby, working in another country is not a easy thing. Send your husband to his parents, let him dance to their tunes, whatever. Seems like you are the money making machine for them. Life will have lot more tortures if your MIL joins you. Why are you having your husband with you, who doesn't care for the family or work, FIGHT with your mom???? Let him be happy with his parents back home...Hire a baby sitter there or bring a maid from India if visa permits and have a peaceful life...you earn a huge amt, they'll swipe away your money and you have to bear all these..hmmm..for what??? Sorry if I'm negative or rude....can't resist a reply reading your post....

Good Luck..Let God bless you!!!

 

Dear Tugga, I went through your posts and opinions and suggestions shared by other IL'.
Does your H somewhere in corner of his mind feels that you have done so many sacrifices and good things to him; that made him to stand on his own leg now.
If he feels that then he still loves you; but hesitant to express b'cos of his mother/in-laws.
You have strong opinion that if your son shouldn't grow under his mother. Then would it be possible for sending your son to your parents home? If 'no' for some reasons - as of now no suggestions are coming in mind.
Okay why his mother wants to come there now; for taking control of your family?

All in all I feel it is better to talk with your H on his behavior ? Make him strong point that your mother will be there for some time as new maid is new for adjusting with kid. And also please tell your mother to have food time to time to avoid any health issues. And for small things please don't get upset or tension ; just be calm and cool so that your life will be also cool and merrier.

Sometimes stress in office or some other place makes men to behave weird.

 

Why not try to get DH a job? Then you can manage home and kid like other working women.
It would not be a good idea to send baby away as your Mom has a lot of work herself , looking after your brother and expecting sis.
Your H knows that you love him too much and will do anything to make him happy including sending your Mom back.Thats why he is behaving in this way.
Another thing is that he may be resenting you having a job and himself being jobless. Some men are like that , they make it an ego issue and irritate wife.

 

Tugga,

Instead of asking why your husband behaves the way he does, should you not be asking why not? The answer is simple - you have given him the power to hurt you. He acts like a kid because that gets him attention. When a child throws a tantrum, the doctor says that a parent should learn to ignore it and go on as if nothing's happening. After a while, when the child realizes that nobody is giving him any attention, he asks himself 'Who am I doing it for?' and stops. In my opinion, you should adopt the same approach with him. In the water incident that you mentioned, your mother should have waited till a set time and then should have gone ahead and prepared breakfast and should have had it. As far as water is concerned, I am sure you have tap water and she could have boiled and cooled the water before preparing breakfast for your son. Then it would not have mattered at what time your husband came back from the market - 8 am or 11 am or 1 pm or 10 pm. (As an aside, you don't know where mineral water comes from either. Sometimes, these companies fill bottles with water from their taps and sell it as mineral water.)

As for the lunch incident, I want to know what were you thinking when you informed your husband about your coming home for lunch. Isn't food a woman's domain? Don't you think if you so wanted home-made food, you should have told your mom that you will be there for lunch since she was the one cooking? If you told your husband and he did not let your mom know and food was short when you arrived, you should have asked your mom to eat her fill and you could have grabbed something from outside. Your mom would have been spared some awkwardness.

I don't understand why do you want to be married to this man and keep cribbing about him. Since you say he was discarded from his family for some astrological reasons, he never learnt what a family is. Is you want to stay married to him, then teach him. How long can you go fire-fighting? Don't you feel mentally drained?

Regarding your comments about your husband and his family emptying your bank account, I think even in India only those people whose names are on the account can withdraw from it. So how come your in-laws drain your account unless you don't put their names on it. I assume (and I may be wrong) that in your initial years of marriage, your husband and you had a joint account and he withdrew from it to give the money to your in-laws. If this is what happened and you know it, why are you giving him access to your account? Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. You know that, right?

Also, try to separate pity from love. They are not the same.

 

Hi Tugga,
I am extremely surprised at the amount of patience you have. But then I am also sad that you put your foot down and then when your husband apologizes you again bend down to his attitude.
How come you are earning and he is bossing over the house, just let him know if he is not taking responsibility then he has to live by your rules else just let him go to his mom who can afford to pamper him.
Your husband is taking complete advantage of your emotional state. It is high time you show him his place in your life. He knows you will say no and then again adjust if he creates tantrum in your life. He has not changed a bit also, rather he has learnt to tackle you in such a way that you bend to his will.
You stated “I agreed to live with him with a condition that he should forget about his parents or forget me (If he wants he can deal with them, but never to link me or kid with them).” Didn’t you realize you have not stayed with your words you have stated above? Don’t you understand that you are bending yourself, by giving him space right now and by not questioning him? When he did not get water then you should have been strict with him and blasted him like anything rather you are getting upset!!!! You should put forth this point also if he emotionally tried to upset you by any means then let him walk right out of the door. Imagine the kind of things your son will learn from looking at this guy? What value are you going to teach your son with this guy around? I am warning you children these days are very sharp and grasp things easily. He is better to grow without a father rather than growing with a father of this attitude. What if your husband poison’s your son’s mind against you when you are at work? You did better straighten your husband or just walk out from this terrible marriage.
Let him know if he is going to create problems in the house and throw tantrums like this then he is going to repent for it.
I really feel sorry for your mom, when he said like this to your mom you should have showed him his place, no wonder your mom was upset, by letting him behave like this you are slowly loosing the dear ones who are supporting you without your knowledge.

You need to become a women HITLER right now else you might have to suffer with this guy around.
To summarize your state:
You can compare your husband with the age old politicians who give promises at the time of election(when you put your foot down) and forget about it after they are elected (after you let him in the house) and rule you and then you are suffering believing to the false promises.
Please wake up before it is too late.
Regards
Malar

 

ask your h to find a job ASAP.idle mind is devil's workshop-thats what is making him to behave like this.