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Pregnant & So Unhappy :-( Advice Needed Pls!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by desigirl1, Mar 17, 2017.

  1. fourthaugust

    fourthaugust Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP
    Please try to understand that they are your husband's parents. You cannot dictate them to come according to your convenience. Also your husband is right in saying that he cannot ask them to delay their arrival as they will be offended. Dont get stressed. Come on you are going to be a mom soon. Have a little patience as it will be very handy in the coming months with a crying baby in your arms day and night.

    Let them come and treat them nicely. Do not hesitate in taking help from your mother in law . It will make your hubby happy too. In such an important event of your life you need your elder's blessings. IF they are not etremely annoying, I think you can put up with them.
     
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  2. desigirl1

    desigirl1 New IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone so much for your advice. I have been so occupied the past week and was not able to respond.

    Anyway.. just an update..I don't know what hubby discussed with my inlaws and what they have decided on...but I am certain if they still insisted to come he would have told me I think. If they are still insisting on coming I am trying not to worry about it as I already have a solution in place.

    Also, I have just been called for an interview in my parents city and hubby said he can travel one week here one week there if I want to go for that opportunity. I am just a little worried that if he calls his parents now and i am living with my parents then he wont even visit (but I don't think he will do this -- but you never know) - Also, I am not sure how living apart will turn out especially when I am pregnant as I have never stayed even a day away from hubby. I told hubby this and he said he will surely commute between the cities every week (as many of his friends are in similar situation he is used to this concept, but I am not!).

    Lastly, the company that has called me for an interview is very close to my parents place and very convenient... I have applied here several times but this is the first time I have gotten an interview call. But I am also worried how it will look if I get the job and join and then in few months I have to tell them I am pregnant....it might ruin my reputation with the company for the future? Although I am extremely early in my pregnancy (6th week). What do you guys think?
     
  3. penpaal

    penpaal Gold IL'ite

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    I will say you should take this opportunity and go ahead. You told you have applied many times , finally you got a call . So don't miss it.

    I worked untill 9 month! I was thankful I had my job to keep me busy. You are lucky it's near your parents house .


    Don't loose what is in your hand thinking about future !? There is no quarentee you will get the call again !! .

    May be staying little far make your husband miss you !

    All the best
     
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  4. Doree

    Doree Platinum IL'ite

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    Just FYI be prepared what to say to HR when they question about starting a family. I have heard that These days HR in India goes overboard by asking these personal questions.
     
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  5. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    1. Its against the law to discriminate a women for being pregnant.
    2. You are still in an early stage of pregnancy. Now is a good time, compared to few months down the lane where more rest is needed. You can establish yourself in the 8 months you get and think about the maternity leave,etc later.
    3. Although I dont advocate to stay away from husband, take this job if you have been trying really hard for a job. What would be your H's advice?
     
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  6. desigirl1

    desigirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    Just wanted to update you. So I didn't talk to hubby regarding this topic since our last fight last week, nor did I speak to my MIL since my conversation with her where she said FIL and her son will decide when they r coming...I assumed hubby had spoken to her and this topic was sorted but apparently not.

    Anyways...so hubby slept early today as tired and then around 10.30pm i saw MIL had called me 8 times :expressionless: (I mean if I don't pick up once at night, doesn't she get I might be busy!). Anyway...so I called back even tho it was like midnight when I saw her missed call as I didn't want her complaining to hubby the next day that I don't call her back and she was asking question after question etc and telling me to listen to this and that for baby and THEN she is like ...yeah do this for 3-4months and BY THEN WE WILL COME AND I WILL TEACH YOU. I was shocked and so pissed off that she had given me more tension now for no reason and wished I never called her back!

    In a spur of the moment I went to wake hubby and tell him she called me and if he had spoken to her and he said he hadn't had a chance to speak to her yet and why I was asking. I told him why and then again he started fighting that if he wants to come just let her come etc ... I said fine but why don't you talk to her once and he said he hadn't had the time (he is just scared to talk to her about it and is avoiding the topic as always!). And then he was like you are panicing so much (which i am!) and waking me in the middle of the night and irritating me etc...and once again started fighting. So I told him about when his parents were here after our wedding...and when I didn't make tea for them for 2 days his mom was complaining about it to me in front of her dad...and that I would not b able to satisfy any of her expectations when she comes now as I will not be that well. He just does not understand..I was not complaining or telling on her...but he took that even worse and started fighting. I explained how I will not be able to cook for them or do things for them and they will expect it whether I am pregnant or not...but he doesn't understand at all! Instead he says stupid things like you don't cook now either etc even tho I cook basically every day! Idiot! I KNOW I was wrong to wake him at midnight..but come on! why does she always give stress. Next time I will not even call her back if she keeps doing this!

    Garr.. so I replied to that interview in my hometown to set up a date for an interview after my parents are back from vacation... now I think I have to go for this job even if I want to or not as this is the only escape from this situation. The thing is I don't want to fly too much either while pregnant...especially so early in my pregnancy :(
     
  7. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    First of all you should not have objected to their coming. Trust me, you are better off when you are pregnant, once the baby arrives, it will be triple work if they are in the house. What I did not like in your description is the way your MIL threatened you, that is not a good sign at all, tell her directly if she talks like that the consequences won't be good. The more you resist the worse it will be for you. Just go with the flow. Though it will be a major inconvenience, if you cannot stop them from coming totally, it is better to handle them now. But the threatening is not good, looks like your MIL is the type who will get your husband to hit you, be careful with her. Don't stress about the job. You can do the job one year after the delivery. It takes that much time to bounce back. Just take care of your health. OP looks like you need some counselling on how to interact with ILs. Be courageous, calm and don't panic. And yes, tell your hubby what she told and ask him what she meant by that. You don't say anything like will she do this or will she do that, just ask him why she said she will teach you a lesson... I hope for your sake, that she is not there after your delivery. Some people are so irritating. They don't know how to behave.
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2017
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  8. greenchilli

    greenchilli Senior IL'ite

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    You are already seem stressed.Please relax.
    Mil seems to be a rude person.
    This is just a phase.Take the job if you get it.
    You don't have clarity now.Your H doesn't seem to understand.No point I'm fighting when you are pregnant.
    Most Husband's doesn't acknowledge the wife's effort.That takes time and lots of fights to bring the understanding.
    Go with the flow.Keep calm and let it go.
    Lots of hugs to you.
     
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  9. desigirl1

    desigirl1 New IL'ite

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    Hey sorry I didn't mean she said she will teach me a lesson. She was telling me things i need to do now...like puja etc ...and then said do this for 3-4 months and then I will come and teach you (other things).

    Either way...I hardly lived in india for a few years before moving abroad and am not very indian at all..hubby initially told me when his mom said do this and that just say yes and do what u feel..but if she comes she will force me to do what she wants.

    I am super stressed. My parents are also away on vacation so I have no one to talk to this about :( I think she will force my hubby to call them and he will do it...and I will go to my parents place but it might be really hard living away from hubby as I am used to doing every thing with him :( :(
     
  10. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    I think you should stop being stressed thinking what they are going to do after they come. You are unnecessarily amplifying the damage. In fact, it would be a big help if she is willing to help, even otherwise you will be fine. You are pregnant and not sick as one poster mentioned, don't make too big a deal of it. It is okay to be more active during pregnancy as it will help you later. Doing pooja is also good, it is beneficial for the baby, do it with full devotion and it will really help. As I mentioned going with the flow will make it easy for you, fighting it will make it more stressful.
     
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