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Pls Need Help !

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by koramangal, Sep 12, 2018.

  1. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    There appear to be multiple strands in your worries.

    Are you concerned that your neighbors will think you lied in some way to gain their favor? Are you worried about losing their friendship? Are you nervous that they will think less of you because you might be classified under a so-called "BC"? Are you apprehensive that they may not want to eat something you cooked because breaking bread with you might pollute their elevated status? All/some of the above?

    If you are worried that a miscommunication may be interpreted as a lie, then take any opportunity that presents itself to discreetly clarify. Perhaps there's some festival that your community performs that theirs does not (or vice versa)? Casually work it into a conversation. If they raise eyebrows in surprise, feign shock that they might imagine such things matter in this day and age. After that, it's up to them to maintain friendship or not, but at least your disquiet will be allayed somewhat.

    In any case, it is your anxiety that gives them power. Reclaim your humanity first - for your own sake.
    :beer-toast1:
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
    sindmani, vaidehi71 and Laks09 like this.
  2. koramangal

    koramangal Senior IL'ite

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    There appear to be multiple strands in your worries.

    Are you concerned that your neighbors will think you lied in some way to gain their favor? Are you worried about losing their friendship? Are you nervous that they will think less of you because you might be classified under a so-called "BC"? Are you apprehensive that they may not want to eat something you cooked because breaking bread with you might pollute their elevated status? All/some of the above?

    If you are worried that a miscommunication may be interpreted as a lie, then take any opportunity that presents itself to discreetly clarify. Perhaps there's some festival that your community performs that theirs does not (or vice versa)? Casually work it into a conversation. If they raise eyebrows in surprise, feign shock that they might imagine such things matter in this day and age. After that, it's up to them to maintain friendship or not, but at least your disquiet will be allayed somewhat.

    In any case, it is your anxiety that gives them power. Reclaim your humanity first - for your own sake.
    :beer-toast1:
    Hi
    I am worried about all the concerns you wrote here,we used to baby sit their little daughter. She comes now also .do u think i shoild open up slowly may be indirectly . I discussed with husband ,he says no need to clarify n to be normal. I am worrying too much and bp also getting low n high ,unnecessary anxiety n tension but little meaning in it. I was also sharing some things not too personal but yes. Not about any one ,just normal talk about kids n husband .Ours is own flat cannot even move they r tenants.
    Thanks sokanashani please try to help me boosting my morale n energy.
    God should only help me.i am not worried if they dont talk but if they spoil our image that will have an impact on us. I was so involved .such a fool after many years i am seeing or may be feeling bad.
     
  3. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    From your OP, it looks like she assumed that you were from the same caste. If this issue is giving you nightmares and you cannot handle it, can you not feign ignorance when she finally finds out, saying "I thought you knew!"

    Also, if I understood right you are vegetarian and she is non-vegetarian. If it were the other way round, her getting upset about kid eating in your house is understandable. I do not see the issue here.

    And why are you baby-sitting their GD? I mean, it is natural for small children to spend some time at neighbours', but from your post it looks like you are almost baby-sitting her full-time everyday. Again, this is what I understood from your post.

    Anyway, what is done is done and I agree with your H. Just ignore it and for all you know, they would have moved away in a while as they are tenants. There is no need to open this issue now and invite a headache.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    really. at this age, you are worried about caste.
    how can they spoil your image btw??
     
    sindmani likes this.

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