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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by soraj, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. soraj

    soraj Senior IL'ite

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    hi all,

    mine is arranged marriage..i m working in IT but currently on maternity leave.. delivered my baby at in laws place and camw to parents place after 60 days.. H has booked new flat jointly with BIL .. whereas HL is on 3 of us .. me , H and BIL..
    when we are looking for flat , i assumed its me and H will buy the flat as we discussed all financial details.. but when i came to my parents flat they booked the flat in 20 days and registered on their name and for which i firmly denied that i am Not going to share any emi as property is Not on My nane..
    i am not able to understand as its cheating with me as they purposefully bought during that tine frame ...

    its literally eating me..

    Note : i stay is joint family setup.. BIL.is unmarried as of now.. they will start looking for match now..
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I am so sorry this has happened to you, especially since you had discussed the details with your husband. It is unfortunate that this purchase was done while you were unable to provide feedback.

    The first thing I want you to do, not let this stress affect you with your LO. You are a new mother, congratulations! This is both a joyous and stressful time. Don't let this breech in trust with your husband affect your time to settle into motherhood. When you get a chance to talk to your husband, express to him, calmly (with all those pregnancy hormone, this might be really tough), that you thought that the both of you had plans have your own flat for just the 3 of you (You, H, and baby). This might help him think of you as a family unit. In his eyes, he might not have adjusted to the thought that you and him are partners, together raising a new family - and accidentally included his brother into the mix. It takes a while for some men to realize that their life partner is their life, and such behavior would negatively impact the relationship moving forward.

    If he does not understand your disappointment, then ask him what his and his brother's plan about this property. Afterall, the way this has happened, it looks to be a shared investment. Ask him what the plans are when his brother is married, who will live in it (brother or him), etc. This might not prove to do anything now, but at the least, it will get him thinking.

    Overall, please don't let this get to you. I know that it is hard to handle since your husband has gone behind your back to make this purchase, but for now, let it go. Don't get mad or emotional, just ask him the right questions, so that he'll understand that what he did was wrong.
     
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  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy Finest Post Winner

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    You have refused to pay the EMI, that should be effective enough to convey your displeasure. Focus on the baby for now and don’t let this taint your experience of being a mother.
    Congratulations!
     
  4. rupz

    rupz Silver IL'ite

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    @soraj

    Congratulations New Mommy !!

    Why are you upset that you don't have your name on the property. Or can invest in something else.

    Think as of you are saving the same for your child. May be your DH thought not to involve you if atall problems arise in the future.

    Talk it over and think.
    Don't strain.
     
  5. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    I may feel cheated as well, this is not right. Your name should be included if they want you to pay the home loan.
    And this is the time to focus on your baby n it's jus weird they rushed n did it during this period, esp after you left.

    But you Focus on what to do, rather than what's done already..

    U already started the first one - won't share the emi , it's a good start.
    If your name isn't on the property papers, don't even bother. Because things will only get more complicated once your bil gets married n brings a new wife.

    If they force you, say you will share the emi once bil's new wife starts sharing an equal amount too.
    Or ask them to register 1/3rd of the property on your name too. When selling, you will get a share too or else it will be like 3 people pays but sell-split is only two shares, so one person will be at a loss here, which will be you.
    - so till then stay with your firm no.

    For now, Make sure the emi is shared 50-50 equally between the brothers. Not one less n one more, or it may bring in a lot of negativity or bitterness. N When selling, you will be happy to share 50-50 equally too.

    Till then, you save your money n invest wisely on other things on 'your name' n let the brothers handle their own investment.
     
  6. priyasaki

    priyasaki Gold IL'ite

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    Congrates for becoming a mom... take care of yourself and your LO...

    It is the approach of some families..
    DIL's income will be considered to buy property and pay EMI, but her suggestions will not be asked and her name will not be included...

    Now u r in a joint family, touch wood... what is the case after BIL's marriage?
    it will be very good if all are ready to be joint family, u can save enormous amount if all are going to a job staying under the same roof...
    but if it is not the case and some cold war rises, one family has to step out of the house...
    if BIL gets out, he may say he cannot pay EMI as he needs to pay rent outside..
    if you step out,u both have to pay 2/3rd of EMI + house rent..
    BIL's wife sharing the EMI is not in your hands, first of all she should be working... she should not have any commitments... if she is in a high paying job she would have already bought the house and paying her own EMI...
    You cannot predict anything now...

    Pls don't argue with your dh for what is done already...
    if you think ur dh and BIL can manage EMI from their income.. then Calmly and sweetly say to them, my income should not be considered for EMI as i am on ML leave and planning to take LOP for some days,after that based on my health i may or may not go to job...
    So here after pls don't consider my share, let me save the amount separately...

    You can consider giving your share once BIL is married and your co-sis is ready to stay in this family set up and ready to give the share...(If this happens believe me u all are lucky, loan will be finished in half of the time frame by paying part payment then and there, and a new flat can be bought soon...)
    All the best...
     
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Gold IL'ite

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    @priyasaki You have provided very mature analysis and suggestions.
    @soraj - Sorry about your situation. Please be firm about your decision to not contribute to EMIs. What about downpayment- who paid ?
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2018
  8. soraj

    soraj Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Instead of giving separate replies.. I m writing what many IL's asked.

    yes , They bought 2BHK.. I am not very clear at how much each paid but approx its 60: 40 ratio ( 60% H paid and 40% BIL paid )

    They want me to pay lumpsum amount for which I firmly denied saying u have cheated me.. But I signed for loan as both of them are not eligible for that much loan amount which I literally dont want but just did it saying I am signing it as u ppl are not eligible for that loan amount otherwise I cant even stand ..

    My H said that he will add my name in that property when I had a huge fight , for which I also denied as I dont want to be a part now as U have to decide at first place .. Now I dont want to add my name..

    For BIL's future wife , He doesnt want working wife.. So I dont know..
     
  9. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all, congratulations !! Becoming a mom is so special. Problems will come and go but dont let that disturb you too much. Your LO needs a happy mommy.

    Girl, aiyoh! What is done is done. You have signed for the loan. So better have your name added to the property. When it comes to finances, have it on pen and paper ,be practical. You can let your husband know how you feel betrayed/cheated but dont let that pride/ego stop from legalities from being done. After all what do you want now?
    Get your name added. Instead of paying 60 %, you and DH pay 66-67%. That way 3 will become owners with equal share .
     
    Stardust1990 likes this.
  10. soraj

    soraj Senior IL'ite

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    @SunPa

    Thanks , But I now doubt them , as he may take money from me and then didnt register it again on 3 of us .. saying it will cost us 6-7 lacs ..

    I dont know whats right and wrong now as I am going to In laws place in 10 days..

    And i have 20 days time to join office again..

    I dont want my situation to be more complicated again as I already gave him some big amount in past and when it comes to spend on me/ baby , he is money minded .. He says he dont have money and all , he booked train tkts ( Sleeper class ) , When I fought with him , he booked flight as its 15 hr journey and i cant take such small baby with me ..

    So many such small things are making it big , Whether he will justify my money or its just me paying for their luxury .. I literally doubt on every thing now..
     

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