Please help - Uncommunicative Husband

bukbuk · Feb 9, 2012

Why do you tell him the period dates when he asks you? To me, this whole thing sounds kiddish. I don't think you can change your H's nature overnight. There is no magic solution to bring your h out of your mil's spell. You will have to try few things on trial and error basis, and wait for success.

For starting, just be defiant. Stop giving your salary to him. Stop telling him when you menestruate. Stop sharing with him anything that you feel is intimate. He will be left out like a fish without water and will come to you when he really needs you; not when his mother asks him to.

tanoshii · Feb 9, 2012

I agree with the others. It is really childish and looks like hubby is a puppet in his mother's hands. He should be able to think for himself and his mother and sister should know better. Why ask about such private things and why share?? Discussing it makes it even more creepy.

I can see why she asks about the dates. I guess many woman go through that. My MIL used to ask "kulichiya ma???" and I'd innocently reply "yes amma, every morning". Their anxiety does not help anything in anyway. The next time your husband consults you about the same, just leave him with a smile. Tell him its something private to you and need not be discussed or announced.

If they are forcing you to go to the doctor for a fertility treatment at this stage, it just shows how desperately they are trying to impose their ideas on you. I'd say keep your calm and ignore this for a while.

Like bukbuk said, you will have to try a few things and see what works. He is not going to change overnight and neither are they.

SallyR · Feb 9, 2012

You're not a broodmare for them to dictate when you need to mate. Tell your husband that this has to stop. Make him understand that sharing private details with parents/siblings is not ok.

Plan for baby only when both of you are ready, don't get pressured by others.

vishuni · Feb 9, 2012

Hi..

All I can say you both are not ready for a baby now..make yourselves comfortable with each other and Plan for kids.Also try to change his behaviour then you plan.

bhumi1231 · Feb 9, 2012

well first of alll wahtever happenss pls dont conceieve .as you are not even knowing what is going on.its ok to give birth to kid but parenting and raising with sensibility is more important on this.unless you have 100% confidence on everything going right pls dont take step ahead.

reg your H you have to make him communicate with you transparently.once in comforable zone please tell him you are not comfortable sharing private matters.

somehow i can relate myself as relation between me and my H are not good in terms of physical relation.also now i get to hear now and than from mother in law about conceiving and i can see she also tracks if i am having my mensuration.even my husband today shared with her that my due date is getting delayed but not having my chums.for which i told him strictly that this is very personal matter and i dont want it to be disclosed publicaly.for which he agreed willingly or un willingly.at times you need to put your foot down.do not let your H get intimate with you at the orders of his mom.this is showing no concerns for you.

good luck

ramyavenkat · Feb 9, 2012

Problem seems to be MIL and SIL.Clear out the issues with them first.Talk to them frankly about your disliking in discussing the private issues and be clear in your ideas when you talk.

ammani · Feb 10, 2012

i wud say dont share ur dates with anyone... unless its extremely necessary (say some puja or something for which u have to be present and date has to be fixed).. my Hubby too used to ask dates in between n i never used to say... my SIL (two out of the five i have) used to act as if world fell on their head during those days... (they used to say terrible pain... backache etc) though i had pain... i used to simply lie down or use some remedy i regularly use.. my hubby never new (he didnt even notice i didnt have chums for a month) when i conceived!!! (i delivered last november... ) i had to tell him i missed it last month... have to go to doc for checkup...

u will be given a bad name for directly talking to ur SIL or MIL regarding private matters... what really matters to u is ur hubby... just find ways to correct... but never point it out to him... (ego will get hurt)

have patience... everything will be fine...

u two shud sit n decide about starting a family... not MIL or SIL or ur parents or anyone here... u 2 shud be able to look after the kid... will ur MIL come to look after ur kid when u r working(as u said u r hubby doesnt have a proper job!!!)

just coz some1 tells u to go n talk to ur MIL about not interfering in private matters dont do it... if u do... outcome mite hurt u... these are delicate matters to be handled v carefully... take time... think and decide n do whatever u feel is right...

v all can give u different opinions... but u shud read everything... think over and decide urself or u cud involve ur hubby n decide actions required!!

keep smiling
good luck
ammani

hemalathaK · Feb 10, 2012

You seem to be newly married and why are your in laws hurrying to have a kid? I suspect something fishy here.If you give birth to a kid, then they think that they can make you dance to their tunes with the help of the baby.So do not try to conceive in the first place.

Tell your husband clearly that you heard him telling the about the intimate things to his sister and if that's the case, you are not ready for the intimacy at all and that you feel disgusted that some one else knows clearly what happens between you two.So he should clearly know that you strongly dislike sharing private things .
And do not disclose your dates and other stuff and just smile for every thing if they or your husband asks for any information.Or else say it is purely personal and that no women likes to share about these things to any one.
Do not give your salary to him and just act cool and see what he reacts.If he picks a fight, ask him clearly what's his problem and see what he answers.If he speaks anything about his right on your money as an husband, then just ask him whether he remembers this ' husband's rights and love 'only when you get the paycheck.
Overall be cool and strong and see what happens .Do not get tempted in to the fights even if he creates any.

satchitananda · Feb 10, 2012

My MIL used to ask "kulichiya ma???" and I'd innocently reply "yes amma, every morning".
Click to expand...

Hahaha Tanoshi. That's a good one. :rotfl

amri24 · Feb 10, 2012

Thanks for all ur suggestions. I know I cannot change him overnight. But I want to be aware of the steps the whole family takes to fool me, he said that he is on contract job for 3 months but at the time of convincing me for the kid, he says that the job will be made permanent bla bla bla. I spoke to my MIL that I don’t like him to share our private things with others but she said that his son doesn’t know anything so they have to guide him. I spoke to him politely and harshly but he is selfish and wants to convince me for the time being and does the same rubbish. He will not start the fight but he stays calm at home by just watching TV and I have to go and nag him y he is calm or if I did anything wrong etc… can I be calm and do my work or should I be easy moving and communicative with him to change. if im calm he just leaves me alone at home and goes to his mothers place.