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Please Guide Me

Discussion in 'Pujas Prayers & Slokas' started by SRMB, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Marriage is not everything in life.
    Please read the posts from married women. Some have even contemplated suicide.
     
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  2. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    If there is a prayer/temple visit to get married, there might be one for post-marriage troubles too, right?
     
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  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Must be .I have no idea.
    One needs to be extremely smart and cunning to fix post marriage troubles. This is what I have learnt
     
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  4. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    One needs to get married once only. so the temples/vrats that specialise in that are few specific ones only.
    99 percent of marriages have trouble of varying intensities numerous times in one marriage life cycle. So almost all temples cater to that. ;)
     
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  5. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Is feeling sad/ incomplete that one is not married when all peers around you have settled , natural ?
    Yes, of course, especially if you have wanted to do that for sometime. Doesnt matter how educated you are , how highly paid you are - there is a professional life and there is a personal life and both need to be fulfilling.

    Is that 30 too late ?
    Nope!

    Here is the thing. I have read posts by other awesome IL members who have talked a lot the practical approach to marriage. Dig around you will find them. I did some time ago and had a heart to heart talk with the my nieces and daughter (in early 20s to mid 20s)
    Here is what I recall from their wise posts

    If you have decided to go the arranged marriage route, then the ideal time to hunt for marriage partner is by mid 20s.
    If you count of eligible males by age ( from 26 to 35) you will see numbers will keep reducing. Since most men are not married at 26 but by 35 many would be. So effectively the number of eligible men in the the range 31-55 is likely to be significantly lower than those 26-30 . Basically as you get older , assuming most men would like to marry women at least 1-2 years younger than them, the pool of eligible men shrinks . Also the better of the lot - be it looks, money and/or education have already been taken up. But that doesnt mean you wont find a partner but that you have to be be proactive , very proactive.

    And that means you take charge. Stop the filtering from family. you know their broad expectations and the key factors. At least be very involved in the filteration process. You didnt expect your family to help you find a job . And jobs will be plenty in a lifetime. Marriage hopefully is once. So be involved in every step.

    In Amulet's satire, are some crisp steps .
    List out the very important things you expect in your man - the practical considerations and the emotional ones.
    List out the very important things your family expects in your man/his family.

    Keeping this list to a bare minimum is necessary, for this widens your pool of potential patis

    Keep an open mind and be flexible. Look for an emotional connect . That cant be found in the bio data, so when you put lesser constraints, you get the option to interact with some men who could have excellent chemistry with you but dont meet a long list of must-haves.

    How important are the above to you ? Think hard and be practically and set the lower limit you are willing to compromise
    They earn less than me, - how important is that for you ? and why? how much more than you should they earn 1%, 20 %, 100 %?

    don't suit me appearance wise - whose call is that - yours or your family's? some men put on weight after marriage, some women also do , so how bad is bad ?

    caste is lower, Ever think that perhaps the guy in higher caste also feels the same about you, so this restricts you to only your caste? how big is the pool available to you in your caste

    family background not good - Again have a some bare min criteria for good, bad and not so good

    Each person has his/her opinion , just in my opinion :
    People change , so what you see now may not be what the husband will be 5, 10 20 yrs down the line. And neither will you be. Not just physically but priorities change, the ups and downs you go thru change both of you and emotional needs also change. You cannot foresee the curve balls life will throw at you - in-laws, childlessness, children, children health issues, your health issues, retrenchment, business loss, abuse, the list is endless
    So minimize focusing on the superficial traits and find find someone who will respect you as a human being, come what may.

    Get the core character right and have faith in yourself and take the plunge.

    Yes please do stay positive.
    But do take action , dont sit and wait for things to fall into place.
    30 is still young and eligible.

    All the best !
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Super super like this post.

    Shortlist the guys yourself and then send the list to parents.....not the other way round.
    Your parents will not be spending the life with your future husband.

    Overlook small objections from parents if those things do not matter much to you. With time parents will not care about these issues if you are happy.

    You can not make everyone happy.
    Choose your happiness first. If you are happy in future,your parents will find happiness in your smile.
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    Not satire. I was merely asking what her deal breaker criteria were. I know one close relative who'd tell me her 3 requirements without which she'd not even consider tolerating him for a dinner conversation.
     
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  8. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry @Amulet, I shouldn't have said satire. Your posts are witty (when I get it) and have insightful advice, but sometimes the reader, imo, fails to extract them. At times it is confusing if it you really mean it or is it satire. Hence my advice to the OP was look beyond the humour into the action points in your posts
     
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  9. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    OK... I liked your long post, because it came right across and warned the 30 year old that she would be heading into slim-pickings as 30-something-male-eligibles would be going down in numbers, especially if she has stringent filtering criteria....on caste, looks, education and earnings. This kind of counsel would be tough for a real mum to tell her child.
    Well done!
     
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  10. nemesis

    nemesis Platinum IL'ite

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    OP

    The only advice you need to hear is the 'take responsibility for your (married) life' (to be read in Jordan Peterson's voice for added effect).

    Shifting this thread to singles section would be a good beginning.
     
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