Please comment on our way of living.......

Tara.. thanks for ack.. I also get to hear it from my teammate who sits next to me... she has the tendency to take work to home.. and infact compete with her DH for the time he's online.. she makes sure she's too.

When the truth is the mgr passes that work to me if she's held it for long and business wants an early resolution... I dont think she's getting any sygnificant promotion/ salary hike than me but then she's def loosing on family life.. My mgr knows v well that i'll finish it bet 9-5 and will not hear my cell ringing in odd hrs or wud check mail unless its really urgent.

But yes some ppl really cant switch roles when they're in a different setup & are always bothered to catch up with the other half of their life.
I strongly believe that I will never get ownership of the company by burning my candles but will def get more disappointed if am not being duly paid/ appreciated for my time nd effort. I also know I'll never reach any high profile designation with this attitude but then this is the choice I've made to have a work life balance.

Fedup.. I really like ur way of joining ur son & gearing up for gym.. I also want to do tht.. just waiting for kiddos to become independent.

<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by ushae
In my opinion wife need not work unless and otherwise it is abosolutely necessary.



What if the necessity comes after 10 yrs of marriage.. which company will recruit a person with 0 experience & colleage being left 10-12 yrs back... with the only experience left of household chore shud that be the job that the lady shud do to fend for herself???
I think working even when well & not really necessary is like an investment to LIC policy to safeguard your future when u really need it!!!!!!!!!!!!! If u've never sowed anything wht will u reap in future?

 

Hi Tara,

I am also travelling the same boat. Work takes up my time till 7.00 pm. Then children's studies (2 children). Food and then back to sleep in time to get up early in the morn, for the next day.

Children are enrolled in Chess class, speech n drama class, abacus class, drawing class ! They are doing well in their chess class, get trophies ....
Speech n drama helps them to talk well, abacus, well is english, drawing they are interested !

All these classes take lot of time, both of the children and us (toing and froing from various class). In fact, I noted that my daught's books are incomplete, she says, she does not get time to work on it !

Do not have time to go out, meet friends (they have almost become extinct), no talking to siblings, am not even able to visit my mom, who takes care of my kids ! God, in writing this looks bad !

Daughter is an extrovert and makes friends easily, so she does not get affected in this rigmarole. My son, sweetpie, does not talk, as much as I would like him to ! Only mischievous in the family !

I somehow, run out of subjects to talk !

Your thread, came to me as an eye-opener, I need to change and that too fast ! Thank you for starting this thread !

 

I agree with Shilpma. What if your family circumstances need more money sometime later in future...then no one hires a non experienced person! So, better work and ensure some real good investement for future use. but, yes, one must prioritize life, especially women who are the champion home makers. Taking more burden than necessary is not wise. Better have a heart to heart talk with the manager regarding your commitment to work and also sincerely explain why you need to postpone work for the next day. Now-a-days people understand the improtance of "family time"...in fact it is conisdered very "cool" for both men and women...and you get a reputation of being committed to work and office, meaning relaible and disciplined! But yes, one must be lucky to get such a management at office!

 

I too tend to agree with Priya & Shilpa. one should try to work specially for the experience it brings and as an insurance against things that could happen in future.

I have couple fo friends who have not worked for the first 7-8 years of marriage and wants to work now as their kids are in school (alone at home / more money needed to run the family being the reasons.)

But it is extremely tough to get back to a job when you haven't worked for such a loong time.

Now it's a bad trend, but i have also seen a lot of families where working women get more respect & say in family matters than the ladies who doesn't. another reason to think about working.

 

Yes Guy...you are right! When I was at home (taking a break as my younger kid was very small), my in-laws used to be very snappy and impolite, esp my MIL! But since I have been working in a big company, she is soooo nice to me. Though this situation works for my benefit, I am also saddened that why ppl are like that? Only those who have jobs (esp women) are respected more at home! :drowning

 

Dear Tara,

Don't get me wrong, but I disagree with the group here. I am an introvert and understand how difficult it is to socialize. If you are making lots of effort and straining to have social circle, you will take it out on your family. You and your husband have chosen a lifestyle and seems like you are comfortable. The only reason you feel sad is that your son feels like he is missing out on something. Why not help to give him some skills? Ask him to invite his friends from music class or swimming home. Help him to build those skills. Also, continue your efforts in developing his music skills. He will meet other kids interested in music. There is nothing wrong with that.

 

I think there's nothing wrong with the way you cjhoose to live...
Except for the fact that you are creating kids who can turn out to be anti-social kids who shun socialising and people.

In some way it is negative because you could be depriving them of people skills which are needed to survive in this world.

Believe me i was raised in a similar way with busy parents and very isolated as well, few friends and no get togethers/family gathering.
Hence I became very shy and very anti-social.

I had to learn the hard way to open up slowly and not be so afraid of people and socialising.

Try to expose your kids to more activities.
Take them to community centers where you can enrol them in swimming courses, writing courses, art courses - anything which they can mingle with other kids.
What you can help with is if you can spare one day of your week just make yourself mingle with a group of Mums with similar aged children by joining your kids school parent groups and allow yourself to be open to ideas of how to further integrate your children into more social environments.

For yourself and your husband there is no problem to like a career life and quiet living only IF YOU ARE HAPPY WITH IT.
If its not broken, why fix it?

However, if you are unhappy with this style of living, make it a point to register for classes with DH - go pottery classes, salsa classes (it will spice up your marriage too!), even go for family events held by your local council or local neighbourhood/area so you can mingle.

The point is that there are many ways to enrich your children's lives and expose them to more social, involved communities and environments.

 

Totally agree with Tara on this! Yep Whether a woman has to work and whether its a necessity or not is a relative term. For some it might be financial freedom, for some it may be to put their skills to some use, for some it may be passion , for some it may be something else.

By the way I have my own relatives and friends, who are highly educated, and both husband and wife work, and kids turned out superbly well. Good in manners and good in education.and mind you the couples are amazing in their social skills. ofcourse the couples parents i.e my uncles and aunts were also great in their socializing skills so the kids picked it up from their parents..in my opnion

I guess its all about management and also its about how is the family atmosphere rather than whether the wife is at home 24/7 or not. Finally kids learn what they see around them