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Pathetic Weddings

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by SGBV, Nov 4, 2019.

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  1. SpringB

    SpringB Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    ‘pathetic’ is a wrong choice of word. When One was healthy enough could have wanted a beautiful wedding and probably was unable to decide in their last minute of life and so the caregiver was carrying out their last wish simply as the dear one wished. Nothing pathetic than our own misjudgment.
     
  2. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Op,

    You have begged for these responses. Especially after you were backed by posters for your right to do and believe what you felt right.

    What happened to all that open-mindedness!?

    Terminally ill humans choosing to marry is lot more worthy of open-mindedness than black magic.

    The word choice makes it worse. You have improvised slowly on your opinion. Ok, even if the plotting happens, how do you know for sure they plotted. I mean you shoved away every possible positive assumption and stuck with a negative assumption which might be a rarity.

    And you keep struggling to support yourself. Its not about you OP, people are trying to make you see the most obvious (positive reasons). Just a better perspective. Why all this defence?!
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019
  3. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Thats exactly what goes on in their mind too !
    Great memories ! Thats what they want too !

    When we know we are losing our loved ones forever , we go to any lengths to show / tell / prove that we love them no matter what because we know we would never be able to do it again.

    If the patient and their carers are willing to do whatever it takes to make a great memories for both sides - who are we to comment about it!
    If that does not fit our definition of peaceful - lets not do it but why calling their memory pathetic ?

    I read your followup posts and I read that you mentioned about those who abuse terminally ill patients.
    Had your initial post been about those abusers, the feedback would have been probably less harsh.

    You started off calling every terminally ill patients' wedding pathetic. That opened a lot of arguments because its inhuman to brand them pathetic !

    I will answer to your original post.
    I am not sure if you ever had to deal with terminally ill patient in your home, but I had to - not once but twice.

    My dad - we knew we wont have him for long - he was bed ridden at home with a nurse to monitor. He was 59. we did every single thing that we knew he loved - including family get-togethers. He loved his siblings (13 of them) and we had a gathering of over 50 people every now and then. He was tired but he LOVED seeing his nephews and nieces and sisters and brothers. The days when we had gathering, he'd so happy and he made an effort to look as healthy as he could. Such gatherings gave him confidence that after he is gone, we have a huge family to support me and mum. My dad passed away with ALL his siblings, of course me and mum around his bed - with a smile. That's a great memory I have of him.

    My cousin - terminally ill bride - got married on hospital bed in a silk saree she bought before she was diagnosed. She wanted to die as a wife ! It was her wish which her BF fulfilled. She died 3 days later. She was frail, tired and exhausted but on the day she got married, she was happy. She died having her husband sitting next to her in a hospital in India. She was holding his fingers when she breathed her last. Sadly, photos fail to show that. No she was not rich and he did not marry for her money. Akka died when she was around 30.

    Both cases , for us are beautiful memories because we know we showed them we love them and we meant it. No matter what, we would do everything that would make them happy. Now, if someone comes along and sees the photo album of my dad's favourite gatherings or my sisters wedding and calls it pathetic - I'd be deeply hurt and ashamed of myself for inviting them home and considering them worthy enough to share my most precious memories(photos and videos) that are so close to my heart!! Also, It would break my heart to hear someone (especially an outright stranger who has no idea about our lives and what we have been through and what is the story behind a pic or video but is super quick to judge) call us names and demeans our memories royally.

    OP, we never know the story behind what we see in social media. Lets not brand people with our limited - almost zero knowledge - especially when they are making memories of life time. No, not our business. The least we can do is be empathetic.

    Coming to your next point - abuse through marriage with terminally ill patients.
    This is the case you brought up later in the thread. I trust everyone in IL is against any form of abuse - leave alone abusing terminally ill patients for money. It would have been nice, had to mentioned this in the first post clearly, if that was the intent.
     
    Last edited: Nov 13, 2019
  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I would beg to differ here.
    When you started the thread the intent was NOT abuse of terminally ill patients. In fact you never mentioned that in the initial post !

    However, you softened your stance after a few responses and finally mentioned some articles and other publications and mentioned sweetheart scams.

    When someone wants to reply to a post on a forum, they will not read through all the pages, instead, they will reply to the original post and its content assuming that the point is still the same and has not changed through the pages and responses.

    And when members want to know why you want the thread to be closed, you are saying it did not mean its intended purpose.

    How is it the case OP? The title says one thing, your first post resonates with the title, somewhere along the way you changed course and now are claiming that the intent is different from the actual post and it is not met so close the thread.

    It is not weakness to agree that the choice of words was probably wrong and that you probably could not articulate in the first post.
    We all stumble but there is grace is accepting that we went wrong and that we are open to admit our mistakes and move on !
     
    KavithaUS, SunPa, jillcastle and 3 others like this.
  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    This thread is closed at the request of the OP
     
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