Parents' Attitude

Just a vent , dont think there is any 'solution' other than accepting and making peace with it

Most women here are complaining about in-laws but for me its parents!

They have a bad attitude/complex when it comes to me & money

Background : They have enough if not more , their son is doing fine too. My husband and I do have more $$ than either of them

We dont expect anything from them rather do whatever we can do for them.

But some examples of hurtful/annoying behaviour :

1) At their son's wedding , clothes were gifted to everyone - their siblings , nieces etc ( even to my in laws) BUT not me and my husband. ( Note : these are people who gave money every year to my paternal aunts and my m other gets money every year from her brother's for a saree).. Its not like they dint have the money just for the 2 of us.

2) Because of their complex , they act like they want to give is gifts : ex : she will call my MIL and ask if its ok for her to buy a XYZ silver item for me ( claiming to check the tradition or what not). Everyone knows my in-laws will say no. Then she will tell me , I wanted to buy this , but your MIL said , you shouldnt have it unless you do Pooja every day! No one sked her to buy me anything. As if she takes my in-laws' permission for everything.

3) They are now visiting me in US now. She tells me my cousin gifted her money and said either spend it or give it to her(me) but dont bring it back. So she tells me Dad dint even acknowledge it ( implying he doesnt want to give it to me) - but the money was given to HER! She dint even have to tell me any of this.

Again , I dont care about the $$. But its annoying hurtful.

 

Thank you for understanding - yes , its hurts deep when its your own parents doing this.

Yes - she has always been like this - ever since I started earning. I used to send her money before - she would try not to acknowledge it.
Its only about the money - doesnt spread to other things. Hence I still have strong ties with her.

My Dad on the other side - has a constant list of I want this. I want that. He thinks this is some all expenses paid resort. I am just doing what I want to and ignoring the other requests - and I feel like a bad person! Its so stressful.

Talking about it wont help - it is not a misunderstanding , its how they are.

Its not about us not liking what she buys - she was with us when we bought something for a couple of thousand rupees - dint offer to pay. But they will mention it when we are at home sitting on couches but never actually bring any cash.

 

Expecting is one thing - being cheap is another...
I an not bitter - I am sad/hurt.
Its not that I dont want to spend..

 

Its like my Dad thinks - stuff he gets me to buy for him is free.
Its not just with me though - they are cheap. period.
My Dad is obvious about it while my Mom thinks she is being smart

 

He is retired but gets pension+rental income. They both know I will take care if anything important comes up.
There is no need to try to slide in requests here and there and act like it wont matter to me

 

Oh well... I have known this for a long time now.
Part of the reason I waited this long before havign them over.
But of late , I started to feel the insecurity of not having unlimited time left with them.
So I brought them - I guess they sometimes just flare it up and test my acceptance