Painful time in relationships

Yes I too agree!

 

Here is a question for you, why don't you go and take care of your parents, why is it someone else's responsibility? I can't understand these men that won't take care of their own parents but expect some new bride to. Your own parents mentally torture you emotionally blackmail you, you don't think they do that to the new bride, you are not even their tow witness, she is smart and records things or else no one will believe the bride. I think you need to go back and tend to your problems. You are taking the easy route by putting everything on her. You did not stand up for your first love and now you are not standing up for your wife. I am sorry if I sound harsh but you need to understand you married a woman, not a nurse or caretaker. AS well, if you told her truths 6 months before the marriage and expected her to do something, why did you not back out of marriage, maybe she too like you was being black mailed and forced??? how do you know her side. I can understand where you are coming from, she should at least phone and ask how they are, but what did they do to her to warrant that behaviour???

 

Why were you ashamed of a daughter,married or not, taking her parents to hospital and taking care of them?They gave birth to her and raised her to be an adult.Even by law,it is her and your duty to take care of parents.

So don't feel ashamed.She is just doing her duty as a child.


Secondly....You left your parents to take up a job in another country.
She left your parents to take up a job at parents place.
What is the difference?Are you not committed to your parent?
You are committed by birth and she by marriage.Which one s stronger? If you can ignore your commitment ,why can't she?

Thirdly...she made a commitment to take care of your parents.Did your parents also commit to be being good inlaws? Did they keep their end of the bargain? No commitment is unconditional...specially when it comes to relationships like these.

 

OP, all i hear throughout your post is parents, parents and parents. Apologies in advance if i am being insensitive but you need to see the other side on the coin too, to fairly come to a conclusion.

Did you directly say what the "misunderstanding" was? Then how do you expect her to "understand" why you were behaving the way you were behaving? My :my2cents

Ok, now the inevitable has happened, i.e, she came to know the true colors of everyone involved in this setup and she is reacting the way that best protects her interests, i dont see anything wrong in that. Agreed, she must not have left your ailing parents at the time they need her.

99.99% girls will not stay at in laws home if the husband is not in the same home. Why does she have to stay there anyways when the husband himself doesnt reside in that home, I dont find any fault in this at all.

 

So what if your sister is married, she is your parents child as well and has the equal responsibility to take care of your ailing parents. Infact, IMO she has more responsibility than your wife. I definitely agree though that it was irresponsible on your wife's part to not check how your parents are doing.

She is clearly seeing this and trying to reciprocate the same. How/why do you expect that she does the seva to in laws when she is clearly not getting any love from her husband? Love and commitment goes both ways OP, it doesnt work the way you expect it to work, that is, wife needs to take care of parents but i will not love the wife coz i was forced into marrying her. Wake up OP, she is not a slave to your family's needs. At this point, i wouldn't be surprised if she is just waiting for the minimum period to file divorce (1 year) to be completed.

Really, this statement amazes me. You and your parents have honestly made her a pawn in your life game. No offense, but i dont think your parents have showed any commitment towards the new DIL by marrying her to you but only got their ego satisfied.

 

Hi OP,
i am sure you have read through all the replies...
and have understood one thing for sure that is

1) YOUR parents YOUR responsibility
2) First she is YOUR wife...then their DIL
3) have you mentioned the time it will take to sponsor her.....has this particular information not properly told. Did you tell your wife, that it will take just one or two months to get the visa.....but its taking more than time.
4) i can understand her pain....because i have stayed away from my H for almost one year....Try to connect with her.....talk to her. First she has to feel comfortable with you, then only she can talk to her ILs...right
Please think properly.....i suggest you to stay with her sometime, understand her.
Do you call her or is she the one who is calling her.
5) do you always have a depressed look and give that "This life is a big mistake" sort of voice.
One thing for sure....you have been sending out wrong signals to your wife....i assume you think her as 3rd person. Hence she behaves the same way with her ILs.

 

A day early. Computer Typing

 

+1........

 

Hmmm new bride should be more responsible than a married daughter??!!

Sorry but can I ask u something.. how well do you treat your in laws? Again.. your wife is a married daughter so can not take her parents responsibilities?

 

I absolutely desperately need to understand why you were ashamed that your sister took care of your parents? what does your sister's marital status got to do with this?

If your inlaws fall sick, would it become your responsibility somehow or does it work only 1 way?