Overnight Tantrum fits by my 19 month toddler

ashwinid01 · Oct 7, 2015

Hello all mommies,

I am in desparate need of advices,hugs and cheers. My 19 month old has started throwing really bad tantrum fits overnight. Not that he dint do it before,he used to but could easily control or distract or was not very loud and screaming. I dont know from what side of bed he woke up but from sunday it all started.He goes to day care for quite long time now. Usually he is very cheerful n playful there but since monday he is throwing his tantrums there as well. He is screaming and crying so loudly that other toddlers start crying ;(.
He is eating food properly. At home his tantrums are either for TV time or chocolates or to be breast fed. Normally We are able to distract him with books or toys or singing rhymes for TV time and chocklates but when he wants to breast fed ,there's no way we can distract.we were trying to reduce BF gradually for him to only in nights past one month. But on thursday and friday he had minor diarrhoea and wasn't eating food so fed him on my breast during that time. On saturday he was back to normal but still wanted to be on my breast. And i thought its ok,since he is still recovering and not eating external food. But now even when he is eating well he wants to be on my breasts. Sometimes for long time. Even when there's no milk coming. Yesterday eveing we played, read books till dinner time. After dinner his tantrums were so loud when my DH was putting him to sleep. He shouting so much as though we are hitting him with rods and belts. '
I dont know how to calm him. I for sure cant scold him,it is just not me.

At home his tantrums are on peak for my breasts but dont know wat'S the trigger at day care.. Mommies is it just a phase or this is how it ll be..

Feeling so broken not for the fact that it is tiring but for the fact of seeing those giant tears and loud screams.

Please please help me.

guesshoo · Oct 7, 2015

Your son has probably learnt along the way that tantrums help him get what he wants. So you need to stay firm and not give it to him.

Say he is growing a tantrum for TV, say no and stick to it. Even if the tantrum goes on for hours. Don't show him that hie tantrum affects you. It might be killing you inside but stay calm and keep repeating the same "calm down baby" in a soothing voice. And do not give him tv even after he calmed down that day. Calmly tell him, "maybe tomorrow ; let's paint instead."

There is no need at all to scold. You need to be consistent and stick to your guns for him to understand.
Regarding breast, just refuse. Don't let him bully you into feeding him - my daughter did that and by the time she was 8 months old comfort feeding was ruining her appetite, sleep andd mood. It was tough to see when cry it out but it was a lesson she had to learn herself.

ashwinid01 · Oct 7, 2015

guesshoo said: ↑

Your son has probably learnt along the way that tantrums help him get what he wants. So you need to stay firm and not give it to him.

Say he is growing a tantrum for TV, say no and stick to it. Even if the tantrum goes on for hours. Don't show him that hie tantrum affects you. It might be killing you inside but stay calm and keep repeating the same "calm down baby" in a soothing voice. And do not give him tv even after he calmed down that day. Calmly tell him, "maybe tomorrow ; let's paint instead."

There is no need at all to scold. You need to be consistent and stick to your guns for him to understand.
Regarding breast, just refuse. Don't let him bully you into feeding him - my daughter did that and by the time she was 8 months old comfort feeding was ruining her appetite, sleep andd mood. It was tough to see when cry it out but it was a lesson she had to learn herself.
Click to expand...

Thank you guesshoo for your reply. As of now we are not giving in. For TV and eating sweet we can distract him with books or showing moon or singing rhymes.. But he doesn't get distarcted for BF. Yesterday night we let him be so till 11 in night.. Was soothing him and all.. He got quite and suddenly hell broke loose and he was so sleepy that he wanted to hv my milk.
Today at his day care will enquire thoroughly what triggers him there.
For me biggest shock is why suddenly ??

guesshoo · Oct 7, 2015

Kids keep changing all the time. They learn new tricks to get what they need. They learn new ways to respond and react. The start understanding the world differently. So it is up to us to deal with all these with consistency . Hugs to you.

sanjuruby3 · Oct 7, 2015

ashwinid01 said: ↑

Thank you guesshoo for your reply. As of now we are not giving in. For TV and eating sweet we can distract him with books or showing moon or singing rhymes.. But he doesn't get distarcted for BF. Yesterday night we let him be so till 11 in night.. Was soothing him and all.. He got quite and suddenly hell broke loose and he was so sleepy that he wanted to hv my milk.
Today at his day care will enquire thoroughly what triggers him there.
For me biggest shock is why suddenly ??
Click to expand...

HI @ashiwinid01 - I have similar issues with my 15 months old daughter. But not for Bf. Infact opposite. For many weeks, when she comes home from daycare, she starts throwing tantrums on every small thing - every small 'no'. We come home so tried and try to stay strong ,but eventually give in and trust me.. I do feel that. She fights for stupid demands -like medicine containers, oil bottle, tab/rhymes ..and has no interest in any type of food. Even when hungry, she will have milk so many tantrums like why so late...

Let me know how you dealing with such issues. These little monsters learn the weakness of parents so fast.

ashwinid01 · Oct 8, 2015

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

HI @ashiwinid01 - I have similar issues with my 15 months old daughter. But not for Bf. Infact opposite. For many weeks, when she comes home from daycare, she starts throwing tantrums on every small thing - every small 'no'. We come home so tried and try to stay strong ,but eventually give in and trust me.. I do feel that. She fights for stupid demands -like medicine containers, oil bottle, tab/rhymes ..and has no interest in any type of food. Even when hungry, she will have milk so many tantrums like why so late...

Let me know how you dealing with such issues. These little monsters learn the weakness of parents so fast.
Click to expand...

Hi sanjuruby,

Same here.. It is so difficult sometimes. I feel like crying..

Yesterday after his day care, we came home he threw tantrum for BF i distracted and gave him cucumber and carrots to eat with laptop on to skype with my family. He was distracted. Then after one hour me,dh,ds went on walk. For sometime when i was holding my DS he again wanted to BF and then the terror started.. He wouldn't stop. To distract we took him to bakery n bought crossiants for a moment he was fine.. Then my DH gave his car keys to play with, after that he would run and put car keys to all cars parked on road and when it wont open he would get frustrated and cry.. All the way he cried,screamed.. This walk proved so bad for us.. uffff.. After coming home also it continued.. My Dh asked asked me to go out for a while. I did, and after that he was quite. He fed him dinner and put him to sleep. He slept soon.

For me the bigger concern is he is throwing tantrums at day care too. I spoke to care taker yesterday. I asked for triggers. It is basically when someone takes the toy he is playing with, or when he wants to eat something and doesn't get it immediately. To put it short it is either his way or highway.. His care taker says may be it's a phase,where he is trying to test what tricks he can play for us to give up or give in. So we need to stand firm and don't give up so soon.

@Shanvy mam, @Laks09, @ramyaramani looking for your inputs too.

PS: He hates when we use word NO, when he is throwing anger fit there's no use i take him somewhere and talk to him,it only irritates him more.

Laks09 · Oct 9, 2015

ashwinid01 said: ↑

For me the bigger concern is he is throwing tantrums at day care too. I spoke to care taker yesterday. I asked for triggers. It is basically when someone takes the toy he is playing with, or when he wants to eat something and doesn't get it immediately. To put it short it is either his way or highway.. His care taker says may be it's a phase,where he is trying to test what tricks he can play for us to give up or give in. So we need to stand firm and don't give up so soon.

@Shanvy mam, @Laks09, @ramyaramani looking for your inputs too.

PS: He hates when we use word NO, when he is throwing anger fit there's no use i take him somewhere and talk to him,it only irritates him more.
Click to expand...

Ashwini - This is what all toddlers do around this age, test their boundaries. When you say "NO" he needs to know that no matter what he does, he isn't getting it.
I have a hard time with play dates and toy snatching too. Here is what I do with mine. If the friend takes his toy away, I have "taught" him to ask for it. "Please give me ....". If the other kid says no, I have taught mine to go get a different toy. It took a lot of practice with a very good and patient friend and her son to get it right but now he walks away and finds another thing. For him to be successful at daycare, teach him at home. He is crying and throwing a tantrum because he is unable to say what he wants. Once his communication picks up, he will stop throwing tantrums.

Now, if he asks for a cookie and you say no, expect the tantrum and walk away. Turn your head, do some laundry or something else. In other words, he should feel that his tantrum has no effect on you, positive or negative. Even if you get frustrated and he sees it in your face, he will think he is getting attention and continue to throw massive tantrums.
For breastfeeding, I made sure he got it only during the times I allowed it. I just gave him water/milk in a sippy at other times. It's a matter of scheduling nursing sessions. He will cry, that's what toddlers do since they don't have the language to argue you just keep telling him that you will get to nurse after eating dinner(or rice or whatever else you call it) and right after dinner feed him. Soon enough, he will get the message!

It's good you stepped out and your DH fed and put him to bed. That's a great thing to do to stop nursing. For night weaning, I just let the kids sleep with dad so when they woke up, I wasn't around and they went back to sleep.

ashwinid01 · Oct 9, 2015

Laks09 said: ↑

Ashwini - This is what all toddlers do around this age, test their boundaries. When you say "NO" he needs to know that no matter what he does, he isn't getting it.
I have a hard time with play dates and toy snatching too. Here is what I do with mine. If the friend takes his toy away, I have "taught" him to ask for it. "Please give me ....". If the other kid says no, I have taught mine to go get a different toy. It took a lot of practice with a very good and patient friend and her son to get it right but now he walks away and finds another thing. For him to be successful at daycare, teach him at home. He is crying and throwing a tantrum because he is unable to say what he wants. Once his communication picks up, he will stop throwing tantrums.

Now, if he asks for a cookie and you say no, expect the tantrum and walk away. Turn your head, do some laundry or something else. In other words, he should feel that his tantrum has no effect on you, positive or negative. Even if you get frustrated and he sees it in your face, he will think he is getting attention and continue to throw massive tantrums.
For breastfeeding, I made sure he got it only during the times I allowed it. I just gave him water/milk in a sippy at other times. It's a matter of scheduling nursing sessions. He will cry, that's what toddlers do since they don't have the language to argue you just keep telling him that you will get to nurse after eating dinner(or rice or whatever else you call it) and right after dinner feed him. Soon enough, he will get the message!

It's good you stepped out and your DH fed and put him to bed. That's a great thing to do to stop nursing. For night weaning, I just let the kids sleep with dad so when they woke up, I wasn't around and they went back to sleep.
Click to expand...

Thank you Laks for your feedback. DS is almost as calm as he was before sunday. I am at bit ease. But he still throws normal tantrums for BF. I have limited only to night. Will try sleeping in different room and BF him only before he goes to sleep.

sanjuruby3 · Oct 12, 2015

This was really great advice and experience from @Laks09.

@ashwini - My daughter has same sharing issues at daycare its seems. I do hear for her teachers. She will drag her pet toy everywhere, and if someone touches it, she gets upset. She hears "NO" she gets upset and does not like it. If she is putting smthing in mouth or asks smthing, we say NO, she will throw it, not accept it again and cry and even hit herself. I am trying to be strong with her and show her my disapproval. In my case, i think its my weakness making her spoilt.

shrivni · Mar 10, 2017

Dear try applying Neem Oil in your breast and feed him. Probably he will not ask for BF after that. So tell, only in nights, BM would taste good and in day time it will not be good like that some stories. This way he will not ask for BF now and then. For Tantrums, ignoring is the best treatment.