One Sacrifices ;others Enjoy

Dear Jayasala amma,

The reality expressed in this post wrenched my heart. I have seen elders in our extended family did the same. At the same time, recently my colleague, Scottish girl, who has lost her father when she was 8 years old. She has an elder sister, younger brother and a younger sister. Her mom, alone brought all four of them so well. She battled cancer and now it has come back and it is worst. The youngest child just entered the university. But my friend, who is the second in the family is taken all the burden on her shoulder and she is a stage thinking whether to continue her studies (PhD) or terminate and go back to work to support her brother and the sister. Brother is in early twenties. As an outsider, I was thinking all four of them take responsibility and look after themselves as they are all above 18. But my friend feels that her brother and sister is too young and it is unfair and putting so much pressure on her shoulder. I am only praying for them. This situation hurts me so much. I was thinking what is right Dharma for her and so on. I also feel sometimes, some of us think that we have control over and we can manage and by doing so we can out our immediate family in life long trouble. This is where right knowledge helps. I am sorry , I don't have enough life experience to comment on this difficult subject but I would love to learn how to react and live when the situation comes in our own lives. I would love to know what is the right dharma on these instances?

Many thanks,
Vani

 

The word "Sacrifice" has a very deep meaning and connotation in the Scriptures. It takes into account the manobhava with which a sacrifice is carried out. Even a Yagna is considered as sacrifice by pouring ghee and dry fruits into the open flame if a person does it with all sincerity and Bhakthi.

For generations, elders by age (not through knowledge but by natural affinity for the siblings) have made significant sacrifices in life to make the life of the siblings better. But if we carefully observe them, they do it for their own sense of fulfillment more than the words of appreciation from the siblings or from the society.

As the materialistic tendencies dominated the minds of a generation, they considered the parents and older siblings are duty bound to look after them without any sense of gratitude. In some cases, the parents and siblings wrapped the children and younger siblings with guilt for life to enjoy the fruits of their sacrifice. Neither of that is correct.

In true sacrifice, the mental state plays an important role and dharma has to be adhered to based on the principles governed by our own conscience. Some of the movie directors have misused the words sacrifice/yagna to a whole different level.

If our heart tells us to do something and we drift away from that based on advice from someone else or circumstances, it creates a serious dent in our conscience. Once someone decided to sacrifice, one should never look back of the fruits one would have enjoyed without such sacrifice.

The charity begins at home is the saying and the sacrifices made at home never get the attention it deserves in this materialistic world.

The sacrifice moves to a whole different level when someone renounced the entire life to teach right living to those who are devoted like Adi Sankara, spend years to uplift the life of those who suffered like Mother Teresa and spend years to relieve the African Americans from slavery like Martin Luther King Jr or leader like Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison to remove the apartheid in South Africa.

 

It is like a wedding feast; the late arrivals get smaller idlies with a watered down chutney.

The (middle class and poor) parents are simply diversifying their retirement investments, by begetting a few children, and betting on one or two who might grow up to be secure enough to support them in their old age.

 

I am in no better position to answer this question when your depth of knowledge is so very high. However, I will take it as a question by a Guru to educate the disciple to teach him a lesson.

I believe "Sacrifice" and "Gratitude" are two items in two sides of a weighing scale and in order for this world to be at peace, the scale should balance. Both are so much emphasized by the scriptures as well as by learned people for thousands of years.

A good example of sacrifice is when Lord Rama spent time (when time is of the essence to find mother Sita) to help Shukriva when Vali was not following the righteousness despite his own suffering of losing mother Sita. Later when Shukriva and his entire army helping Lord Rama in his effort to find mother Sita is the expression of gratitude.

Earlier, we have seen more sacrifices and more expression of gratitude than what we see now in the world. Now both are declining. In my view, there are more than one reason:

1) There is utter confusion that prevails among the human beings in differentiating the duty from sacrifice. Most children/siblings believe it is the duty of the parents/older siblings to look after the younger ones as a duty. They miss the part that some bigger things are sacrificed to make the children/siblings lives better.

2) Material civilization is teaching to put ourselves first before anyone else including those who were instrumental in bringing our lives to a better position.

3) There is a belief that priority to the next generation and their smooth lifestyle is much more important than looking after the older generation as they have lived their life long enough and learned to face pain and suffering. There is a justification in the mind of a newer generation, my parents/older sibling would expect me to do more to my next generation just like what they did to me.

4) The world has become a global village and most children have not only moved out of the nest but also overseas resulting in them not paying personal attention to the parents/older siblings. Sometimes, financial help alone will not express the gratitude adequately for the sacrifices.

5) The new generation with all the success and pride proudly declares that I would do anything to sacrifice my life for the next generation without expecting anything in return as I am financially sound. They expect the parents/siblings should have done the same thing without realizing that their sacrifices are in much difficult life conditions building the future for the next generation brick by brick.

When a leading actress drops her child in a boarding school and look after the child by paying a lot of money, the child end up missing the love of the mother. Similarly, the adult children might take care of all the expenses of the elderly parents/siblings but visiting them regularly and showering love to them is what tilt the scale. Therefore, adding love to sacrifice as well as gratitude is important.

I hope I did some justification to pass the test.

Viswa

 

Dear Jaya,
As "charity begins at home" sacrifice also begins at home.
A mother from the time she carries the child in her womb starts sacrificing food that she loves knowing that it won't be good for the child. Even after the birth of the child she avoids food that will not be good for the child until the child weans out from mother's milk.

Any sacrifice should be voluntary and should not be forced on a person.

A quid pro cuo type sacrcrifice is not to be considered as a sacrifice.

"Sacrifice with regret is no sacrifice at all. True sacrifice is joy-giving and uplifting."
Mahatma Gandhi

 

@jayasala42 ma'am.
Sacrifice is a noble act of selflessness.
It is because of the thousands of folks who sacrificed their lives in the freedom movrment, that I was born in a free India.
When people benefit from their actions, it is not sacrifice.