Old Age

@nandinimithun - Good that you have raised this topic in your post.. Definitely we need to take care of our elders at their old age thats the only way we can show our true gratitude for them because that's when they need us the most. I remember William Shakespeare's poem 'All the worlds a stage' where he says people in their last stage of their lives go into second childishness and mere oblivion. I've seen some people who ignore their parents and later repent after they die. Its better we take utmost care of them and fulfill their wishes when they are with us and not repent later. Nothing is more precious in life than our "Parents blessings" for us.

 

@lalithasharma9,

You have misunderstood what I said. I was appreciating the daughter who took care of her mother despite all odds of her own poor health and only admitted her in elder care home when she was physically unable to take care of her mother. I wasn't blaming the daughter at all. I am all for the husbands treating wives' parents the same way they treat their own parents. Most people in IL know that my mother-in-law lives with me for the last 5 years as my wife is the only child for my parents-in-law. I am of the opinion that both sons and daughters are responsible for taking care of elderly parents. But parents also need to be flexible to the needs of their adult children as they have their own responsibilities to their families including their children. The circumstances are many and whether the parents or adult children both need to adjust as much as they could to have congenial relationships between them.

I also feel sorry for new born children who are left unattended by young mothers. Motherhood comes with the responsibility of raising the child. Thank God, there are many parents in this world who are ready adopt and raise these children.

Viswa

 

My husband is the only son and he had a sister 10 years older to him. My mil used to go to her daughter's house whenever she needed help.
Both my mil and my mother breathed their last in our house. When my mil died my daughter had given birth to her first son. On the 28th day after her delivery my mil expired and she had kept her great grandson before her death and she was quite happy.

My mother also died when she was with me as my brother and sil were at US to attend to their daughter's delivery. I performed the last rites of my other with the help of my uncle's son (my maternal uncle's son) whom my mother loved very much. It was on Ugadi day. We used to celebrate Ugadi as my mother and mil both were raised at Tirupathi.

We were blessed to to take care of both of them during their last days and perform the ceremonies after their demise. Of course my mil was always with us only.

I feel by doing service to elders We will get their blessings.
PS

 

I agree with @Rihana 's points on how a dil is not allowed to take care of her own parents . Maybe if an MIL allows her DIL to take care of her own mother , the DIL will also bend over backwards to accomodate her MIL. We should demonstrate compassion before expecting from others .

And as @Sandycandy said , take nothing for granted . As a mother I'll do everything out of love and selflessness from my child , but also I'll never think that I'lI not plan for future at all by thinking I've "invested " in my son and he will take care .

In our culture most people want children to have someone to take care in old age .that approach itself is wrong. By having selfless approach, we can be better mothers , and also it will be more likely that our children will love us than consider us a burden .

One should have balanced approach to life , and fair & just expectations from others ..that's the only way to survive .

Some consider it a burden , I would consider it a privilege to take care of my parents and try my best to get husband and inlaws support for that . But I will never judge anyone who doesn't because I know all mothers are not angels and also everyone has different situation and constraints .

 

Kudos to profound analysis of the post and comments and counter comments.
2. I have a nonogenerian friend cum yoga expert at closer proximity living with spouse independently, while his son and latter’s spouse residing in luxurious senior citizens villa by mountainside near COIMBATORE- Bridhavanam. Their daughter and son in law working professionals in USA .
3. Now to The antithesis:
Every month one week end, from COIMBATORE , son and DIL visit my friend and his spouse. Every Christmas holidays for the past 17 Years, from USA DAUGHTER AND SON IN LAW visit them.
In this ever changing modern internet era where customs,habits,thinking,life style, methods and medicines all changed in a paradigm shift, old age or senior citizen homes have come into as a necessity and the need for more such homes evidenced from real estate builders.
Compassion or otherwise that is demonstrated as a huge service in homes for old is proportion to money one is ready to spend. Many luxurious homes in outskirts of metros are courtesy NRIs.
God help the indigent olds.
Ancestors believed OLD is GOLD and they saved it in kitchen loft in the form of Gold and other precious metals in jewels, utensils, platters and cooking vessels.
But today, we see olds are to be saved spending gold in homes for aged!
Regards.

 

arranging for aging parents to go to a decent old age home isn't abandonment, and as a society we must wake up to this reality . its not a tit for a tat situation here that a parent can say I looked after my child when they were young, why can't they do the same when I am old. caregiving is very challenging and can cause resentment in the caregivers.people are less selfless these days. also the needs of companionship of elderly parents and their kids are different in this stage. instead we must come up with a balanced solution wherein elderly people live in communities with other similar aged people with assisted care facilities and other recreational facilities and there are regular visits to and from their children. times are changing , we can't be judgmental about old age homes anymore .

 

If you ask me , Old Age is a curse . Especially if dependent either for physical assistance or financially . Even emotionally . Best is to go on vanaprastham ,detach from all kinds of attachments and expectations .
Better pray for a quick end while still healthy and independent . I am getting to that stage soon.