Old Age

Nandu this is such an emotional topic! Parents would have done so much sacrifice for us to reach great heights. But it’s our duty to payback as much as possible .
But yes ,if the children are staying far away from parents due to career and all sometimes even the child is helpless like they will be in dilemma whether to worry about their kids and their future or worry about parents .Hence many opt for old age homes thinking there is someone to take care of them. Also as many stated above it could also be the reason due to the incompatibility with their children spouses as well.
Sometimes even parents should understand tat there is generation gap and most of the issues are due to this. Instead of being stubborn they should also be flexible and adjusting so tat they can be staying happily with their kids in old age without much hangama !

 

Dear Nandini,
A very good and thought provoking one.
In the given circumstances every son or daughter should take care of parents. May be they may be irritating at times, may be repeating again and again the same and so many negative qualities mentioned.
One may be abroad or India. But they should think about what they can do to parents. That prevents from going through a guilt trip later. We cannot unwind or go back....too late. Our children learn a lit if things by observing us. Agreed that one should save for themselves, live independently or go to old age homes. But when they do not have money or cannot take care of themselves children should do or at least think what can be the best they can do.
Syamala

 

@nandinimithun Nandhini you have taken a heavy subject and very hard to give reply. I give my answer in a single word DESTINY

 

Dear Nandinimithun,

Most of the old age homes accept people only when they are in good health. There are many senior citizens who suffer from dementia, Alzheimer’s disease etc, which puts a great deal of burden on the caretakers, both physically and mentally. There should be more help forthcoming from NGOs and the medical fraternity, who could train caregivers in providing excellent geriatric care. As of now, geriatric care is one of the most neglected field in medicine.

Agatha83

 

Very true !

 

@nandinimithun

The world is filled with many different types of people and different types of scenarios and Gowriamma's is just one of them. In some cases, a child who lost his father at a young age was raised hard by the mother only to be deserted by her adult child. In another scenario, a mother gave birth to 7 daughters and one son who was mentally challenged and only one daughter and son-in-law were kind enough to take care of both mother and brother (who was mentally challenged) for life.

Why is it always the sons who take the blame for not caring for his parents? How about daughters who were given same love and affection sons were given? How many adult daughters are permitted to take care of their ageing mother by keeping them in their home? I know a situation where an adult daughter took care of her mother till the end despite her losing memory of who she was. At some point, she was not able to take care of her mother with all bad health she experienced herself and ended up admitting her in elder care home and visited her regularly until she passed away.

Sometimes, adult child who long for his/her old mother to come and stay overseas with him/her and is willing to do anything to make that happen gets turned down by ageing mother only to stay back in India. I know a 70 year old doctor in the US spends 3 months in India and 3 months in the US to take care of old mother as he is tossed between love for his mother and his own adult children who are settled overseas. Even children who stay in India take undue advantage with the mother by not giving any medical attention and enjoy all the wealth of the parents exclusively to their own family's advantage despite keeping her at home.

How many adult mothers desert their own child as soon as the child was born in this world? How can an adult mother justify deserting a just born child who doesn't even understand how to live in the world?

The point I am trying to make is just one example doesn't make the world. We have to look at so many different scenarios that makes the world we live. Yes. Not taking care of ageing mom is a sin and so is deserting a just born child.

Viswa

 

Nice topic...I am of the opinion that it's better to stay in an old age home with people your age than to live with your kids. The people of similar age can understand each other's feelings better than the younger lot. Also being in old age home should not be looked down upon and for that the mindset needs to change.A person can be in an old age home by choice and can still be happy. I would not want to live with anyone permanently in my old age as that forces the couple to make changes in their lifestyle. I think orphanages should tie up with old age homes so that the children can learn from the vast experience of the older lot and the oldies would be happy in the company of young children. It would be a win win situation then.

 

Yes very good topic i think it is a very good informative article for younger generation how their life will be in old age.

In my opinion, every thing is in heart of individual to take care or disown parents. As i read in one of the posts above a lady took care of mil( though she doesnt have memory), but despite bad health she left her own mother in old age home, in that case can we blame a daughter ? No.

In olden days there are many sons and daughters, but only couple of them or only one son/daughter took care of them in old age, rest all would back off( reasons best known to them, we have to think both sides of coin). And always always Dil is the care taker of husband parents ignoring her own biological family. Those days that made sense as the man was bread winner.

Now circumstances are changed there are many girls who are single child to the family and even though they are earning big fat salaries, still they are expected to ignore their parents in old age, when comes duty then pil’s duty comes first. When women is sharing husband financial burden, why cant men share the responsibility of parents. Often modern women is thinking this a lot i feel, if her inlaws family is restricting her visits/ or if she is helping the biological family. This is leading to resentment of them in old age which is leading to their stay in old age home.

One more thing is as one of our readers mentioned here, kids learn from older generations.

Every thing is in our mind
I know a family where mil hated her mil to the core ans never allowed her in to her house when her dil came, she objected it( her mil objecting mil). When grand mil is ailing in her 90’s dil took care of her despite mil not liking it. Dil is in very peak position in her career.

In our case my mil always escapes, she doesnt even visit her inlaws except couple of hours once a year or once in two years. She hates her mil and she hates joint families. She enjoyed nuclear family all through the life with minimum and ignorable visit from inlaws,But she expects her sons should stay joint family with her and she run the house as per her wish. Is that fair? Her resentment towards mil is often shown to us, what message is she giving to young dils like us. Hope we dont turn monsters like her in future.

I agree there are problems, but we should teach younger generation good through our actions

 

Dear Lalitha, I think you have misunderstood what was mentioned earlier. Here is what Viswamitra has mentioned:

This is how you have quoted it: