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non-indian older woman + indian younger man

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cyan45, May 25, 2013.

  1. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    hi ladies,

    i guess i'm in the minority here: non-indian american woman (half vietnamese/half white) with indian bf and the OLDER one no less! (i am 34, he is 28) :)

    we've been a couple for about 4 months (sweet bf claims we've been together for 6 although we were not a couple at the time and i was in fact VERY hesitant). his patient persistence won me over :clap

    we love each other and are navigating the murky waters of meshing into each other's social circles, slowly considering a long term future (he brought up the possibility of visiting his family in india before the end of the year), have talked about big issues early on (marriage, kids, religion, work/living location, some gender roles...) he is more mature and easy to talk to than other men i've dated much older (including my ex!)

    we don't really notice much of an age barrier more than the occasional cultural/communication weirdness (he is from india, came to the US for his masters/phd). we joke around to deal with issues, sometimes argue but at the end of the day, love each other and want things to move forward in a positive direction.

    if any of you have any insights re interracial relationships, indian men in them, the older woman/younger man thing...um, and anything else that seems relevant i failed to mention...would love to hear from you.

    i'm just living each day, and have never been happier :wink:

    thank you kindly.
    ciao!
     
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  2. SreeSri

    SreeSri New IL'ite

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    You are not minority here but you are a special guest for us on this forum. Please welcome.
    All I would like to say is dont take quick steps forward, take time and study well each of the possible opportunity to validate his promises and your possibilities..
    In any new relationship, there is a lot of sugar floats at the top.. let it dilute to find whats underneath, water or milk. :)
    You seems to be very matured person, you know very well to validate the person beyond being emotional.
    Good luck..
    :)
     
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  3. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    thank you sreesri for your thoughts and warm welcome :)

    btw i forgot to add that i was quite frank with him in the beginning. i mused if:
    1) he was just going to 'play around' with an american girl then settle for an indian lady
    2) just wanted to have an 'experience' dating an older woman
    3) there was a potential green card option

    these were horrible things to bring up, i agree (and he was MAD lol) but my purpose was to enter the relationship with my eyes as wide open and realistic as possible. i have loved and lost in the past and
    try to temper the emotional highs of love with a realistic head.

    i was engaged to my ex of 7 yrs but 4 months before the wedding called it off when i discovered that he really didn't want to go through with it, didn't love me, refused counseling, etc...as gut-wrenching as it was at the time, i realized i needed to walk away and be alone than get married and have even more struggles.

    as i move forward with my current relationship, i have a stronger sense of my self-worth, the good things i offer a partner in love/marriage/family, and a sense of gratitude in my heart because nothing in life is a guarantee :)

    thanks again for your thoughts...
     
  4. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    I pity your Indian bf's future Indian wife chosen by his family!
     
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  5. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    lol peacetips, i'm not sure if you are referring to my ex (non-indian) or my current bf (indian).
    if the former, i agree. if the latter, i feel sad! :p of course the family approval variable came quickly to mind.

    however, my father (from vietnam) and mother (white american) faced family disapproval as well, but married
    anyways. family disapprovals slowly thawed and after i was born, the ice had melted LOL my mother claims i was a cheerful, cute baby so if that helped family dynamics, i'll take credit where credit it due haha!

    all i know is that my bf--like any man who comes from a different country/culture--will have to be a strong man to be with me...other than that, i'm pretty easy going all things considered ;-)

    cheers!
     
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  6. Nessie

    Nessie Silver IL'ite

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    Does he introduce you to his friends and family as his girl friend and make your relationship obvious to them?
     
  7. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    nessie, yes his close guy friends know i am his gf. he was out of work for a little while and kind of isolated himself socially (now however he is getting his 'groove' back). i am 90% sure this is why i haven't met as many of his friends; i understand a man's job status is a HUGE part of his confidence/identity.

    also, this is his first serious interracial relationship so it took a little adjusting on his part (stares from others, etc...) i am used to getting curious looks all my life so i just stare back ;-D

    however he doesn't introduce me to guys he doesn't like/trust for whatever reason (mostly due to a lifestyle/character flaw as he sees it). the first time it happened i was very upset, it seemed strange to me. all in all, if he is proud to be with me in front of his friends whom he trusts/respects, that is better than nothing.

    his parents live in india, he has no siblings (his younger one sadly passed away), and as for local relatives, i have a hunch he avoids that crowd in case his (scandalous) dating status gossip makes it back home and horrifies his parents :) i think he'd either 1) prefer to tell them directly in person or 2) avoid telling them because i'm not considered to be 'future girl' material :-(

    my gut tells me #1 applies but really, only time will tell...and for me, that will be no longer than a year :)

    so, aside from the slightly different social aspect, he behaves in all respects like a good bf: both in word and deed.

    anyways, i've learned a little of his language, eaten so many different kinds of indian food (and attempted cooking...let's just say a 'work in progress'), enjoyed the bhangra dance party experience, lol...he's learned more about viet food (not the art of chopsticks though), and we take great pride figuring out who can spot the better deal at the grocery store, hehehe. it is interesting to observe some similar values/attitudes between indian and asian culture...
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2013
  8. RadiantFlower

    RadiantFlower Platinum IL'ite

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    What for?!:confused2:
     
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  9. peacetips

    peacetips Silver IL'ite

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    How many Indian families would accept someone like OP?
    Honestly what percentage do you think?

    This guy will have a sorry face, most likely will pretend to be a shy type, and marry someone in India. Bride gets someone's else's used....

    If the above does not happen, it would be good for both OP and her bf. Chances are???
     
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  10. cyan45

    cyan45 Senior IL'ite

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    well...this certainly brings up different things, as i anticipated it would...none of which i am surprised to hear, it is what it is.

    in my case, there is only one way to find out...
     

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