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New Era Mothers In Law And Their Ultra Modern Dil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Nov 8, 2019.

  1. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    I have observed the same.
    And my own mother would have taken a stick to us if either my brother or I dared leave the table without clearing our plates.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom Platinum IL'ite

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    Just curious, what was your husbands response to his mother’s insanity?
     
  3. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    If you want to be a good sister, as someone said just go and visit without judging yours sisters dil. You have to learn to mind your own business. I do that even with my mom and brother. It is very important for a happy loving family. I really think you need to mind your business. You are obsessed with your nephews wife. Especially when you mentioned she is always on phone, what is your problem. Why are you micro managing another person like this. Please keep yourself busy, try to become Positive without judging.
     
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  4. Caughtinbetween

    Caughtinbetween Finest Post Winner

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    hi ,
    this reminds me of my one india trip to ils couple of years after marriage . I would usually buy few kurtis after going there to use during the trip since most of the old ones would be too loose or tight fit . One such visit , i just landed at their place directly in the middle of the length and took a bath and changed to a full sleeves tshirt and a floor length pyjama . Looking at me in a tshirt i still remember the kind of scene she created during a panchayat to complaint about me wearing a pyjama. other side , her daughter can roam freely outside in just around knee length capris and sleeveless . i just hate to wear those nighties and in their apartment complex everyone is seen in one . she insisted a lot but i never budged . finally when she saw me buying pyjamas she started buying for her daughter as well and made it sound very normal when it was her dd . rules definitely differ according to the person at the receiving end . same with the hue and cry made and the rudest remarks made if she spots her son picking up his plate after eating or picking up trash bags to keep out for pickup. of course adults should pick up plates and wake up reasonably early enough to help the one who is doing all the work or help atleast during later part of the day if you are at someones home for that long , includes both sons and daughters , in an ideal world. but for whatever reasons , if your sister is showing equal treatment towards dil as well and seems okay with it , its a welcome change .
     
  5. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Everybody should pick up after themselves and treat each other with respect. MiL/DiL, older/younger, boy's/girl's side is irrelevant.

    Having said that, if someone chooses to indulge or spoil you, sit back and let them have at it.

    Young ladies should be free to sit as they please in micro mini shorts if they wish — but the right time to do so is at the initial ladki dekho. Always start out as you mean to go on.
    .
     
  6. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

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    ok, I am not talking about the OP's case at all. but just to point out something I have noticed over time.

    I have seen more than one woman, who used to be unhappy about how she was treated as a DIL, complain about her own DIL when she became a MIL, and sometimes the complaints are on a similar vein to what the MIL used to face few decades back as a DIL.

    If you ask, then of course the answer will be that "when I was a DIL, my MIL was too strict and wrong, but now as a MIL, I am right, but my DIL does not listen at all"
    :)

    I cam imagine, the same plays out for men in corporate world; when I am an employee, the owner is too strict and harsh, but when I become the owner of a business, it is my employees who are lazy but I am not that strict
     
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  7. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahaha... :sweatsmile:
    dekho in ladki-dekho doesn't mean they (the prospective in-laws) have to see "everything" the bride has to offer.

    In the very old days, the prospective sister-in-law will be sent "in" to touch-and-see the ladki's plaits to make sure the hair is real and not some fake add-on, and she'd also demand the smile-and-see to make sure that the teeth are even and not discolored.​
     
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  8. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    My husband sided with my MIL some times and me some times, he says by end of the day it is a 3 week vacation , why to make fuss about it? Let us adjust in their way

    Which i feel same why to spoil mental peace for 3 weeks

    Issues he sides with me are when she abuses too much, he will stop her, but she will abuse him also badly

    For gifts from my parents she is always very greedy, my husband is scared to support me, so he says please satisfy her with all costly gifts i will pay from back

    Ofcourse i have never agreed for that, bcause if her greediness is peaks
     
  9. Patientone

    Patientone Senior IL'ite

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    I wish what you said was true but unfortunately every case is different. My mother in law is 53 years old and does her best to be an awful MIL. Atleast your sister tried to make their visit pleasant. Mine, did not and started her taunts as soon as we set foot in the house, which ranged from insulting my parents particularly my father in a passive aggressive way to the bag that I had carried. I’ve gone through your old threads and can say they are comforting as I am experiencing what you experienced.


    People from abroad wake up late when they come to India due to the time change. It takes their bodies a bit of time to get used to the Indian sleeping time.

    Sometimes on certain habits, it depends on the DILs upbringing. She’ll do what was the norm before marriage and some will change. So if she wore them clothes before marriage she may want to do after. Same with picking up her dishes. I used to pick up mine and my husbands because that’s just manners. But then again some girls think if I pick up these dishes she’ll force me to do chores.



    My sister in law (husbands brothers wife) wore shalwar kamees before marriage and as soon as she got married she wore miniskirts and T-shirt. My mother in law would behave it was okay and would tell me to do the same, yet in arguments would gossip about how immodest my sister in law was.


    I don’t think it’s the same everywhere. There are some relationships where the mother in law is nice and the daughter in law is tough to handle. Others where the mother in law is tough and the daughter in laws are nice. Both exist in this day and age. I know some mother in laws that are nice to working DILs because they give them money. Yet others are harsh even though they give them money.
     
  10. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    I am really surprised with your MIL's behavior and also astonished to find out that you are going through the same problem which I faced because I am under the impression that the mind set of older women are changing for the good, my sister is 51 years old and she is an awesome MIL and more than that an adorable woman, most of my older cousins and friends who are between 48-55 years are all wonderful MIL's so I was under the conclusion that the typical MIL phase is slowly vanishing.
    Good your stay is only for a short period...
     

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