New Developments...

Icyspicy..at least your dad is willing to talk to your DH no matter who is right or wrong, at least someone tries to patch up. My wife is at her parents place from 4 months. They know what is going on. They never called and when I called them I felt better to keep the phone rather than talking. I understand parents not involving in day to day married life but when they can expect their daughter to live in their house after marriage, they also need to see what is going on and what is that is happening which is causing so much problems. They never called even once to me...That is how I have got the set of inlaws...

So your dad is justified in interfering from the point of view to help and see if it can work out even if chance is 1%....

Regarding blame and all it is very difficult. Man and woman are like two opposite, the perespective very hard to match....Moreover personality problems, temperament, cultural background all play a very important role in relationships too which cannot be changed easily and no one can justify who is right to what extent and wrong to what extent.

 

Icy,

Tell your DH that unless he can agree to meet up with you for a discussion, then you will not be left with any option to regroup with him.

 

Your husband is an immature fool. The problem is between you and him, so I don't know why he is telling you to talk to his parents. And if he is willing for his parents to talk, I don't know why he is prohibiting yours from talking. Hope you are finally seeing what type of character this guy has.

I agree with Spiderman. You need to explain to your husband that unless he agrees to meet up and talk this over, the marriage reaches a dead end! But I think, that is what he wants. I don't think he is going to cooperate, because 1) he doesn't give a damn about the relationship and 2) his parents are adding fuel to the fire.

Of course he will put the blame on you! Who else is he going to put it on? Himself? His parents? You already know he is not the type to admit he or his parents are wrong. To him, your job was to cook, clean, entertain his parents, and have sex with him. Now that you are at your parents house, obviously you are not doing all that for him. Soooooo, he is pissed! He doesn't miss his 'wife', he misses his maid servant.

Anyways, hopefully he will come to his senses and discuss the situation.

 

One thing I havent understood is why cant we keep calm for a while??? i.eICys parents or Icy herself...its just a week she is away from her husband, and why hurry these things?? Even a kid would be able to tell from all this that Icy was trying to get what she wanted by moving out etc..etc..NO that was not the intention here isnt it?? HER husband has to realise her absence, he has to come forward to talk, moreover ICY why are you involving your parents in all this?? didnt we discuss this? Pls tell your father to STOP calling your husband or your inlaws. Enough of all the parents involving and making it more worse!!!


TEll your father not to call your husband or any o ftheir side relatives!
You have to STOP going back n forth on this and just totally take these things out of your mind. (now that you know what is your husbands view on all this, you should stop calling your inlaws or husband going forward)
Give him time!! Lotsof time...but also be prepared for the worst!
Beleive me...even if you talk to your inlaws inspite of what all happened, nothing good is going to come out of those talks..again it would be the same old story of they blaming you , you accepting something and going back and old story repeats again

So STOP calling them. Live your life for a while. If you cant stay away from them for just ONE WEEK how can you live your life with out them??? sometimes people make things worse by pushing to resolve them quickly...thats what you are doing!! atleast according to me. You not doing anything to fix all these issues would really help if you could maintain silence for a while. For a while means...yes not just a week or month..even if it means couple of months.

 

Surprising such words are used so often . Why do we see posts here from women who say their DH are not willing to have intimacy with them and that they are tired asking for it when they are in bad marriages?

 

Tridev

Every situation, every person is different. So lets talk about Icys situation as this is her thread, rather than trying to talk about what other threads had mentioned what issues in the forum!

 

Srividya, to vent out is ok but every time there is someone saying her DH is not treating her well or in bad marriage, folks say she is being treated as sex slave, maid servant and all. Is that justified....?

 

Some reader's should learn to accept spade a spade. And let's not divert from the main topic of discussion.

ICY, I agree with SriVidya. Give it enough time... the situation has been built over time, at least do some justice to it giving time to you yourself, husband and the respective families.

Avoid involving parents from any side into this matter at this point of time. Now it is time for both of you to realise the situation.

Try to free your mind first (much easier said than done).... Then from an independent unbiased person's viewpoint try to judge the entire thing afresh.

Please do not make a hurry in such a matter...

 

Icy

Actually Tridevs post made me say this!! NEVER FORGET how you were treated at your husbands house! So everytime you have that thought of calling him and patching up, remember how you were treated and take a step back. So if you want to be treated the same way, and if you are interested in patching up for the sake of LOVE, remember that and dont complain going forward...but if you really want to bring in change in your life and the way you were treated, time for you to concentrate on other areas of life!!! Empty mind is devils workshop....if you sit idle at home, all you can think of is calling him or what he is doing...or your parents would feel low to see hte plight of their daughter and they want to do something to make things better...however things wont be better if they involve!!!

You are not a baby anymore! If you dont start growing up and be a mature adult on what you want from marriage or a relationship or a husband?? how can you tell them what you want! so figure out whatyou want from your life...your husband is not going to be your mom or dad who will figure out whats good/bad for you and get it for you!! NO!!! so think about all this everytime you want to go back to him!!! If you still want to, next time do a favour on yourself and STOP complaining and live up to their i.e your husband and inlaws expectations.