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Never returning neighbor

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Akanksha1982, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. Nov 3, 2014 #1
    Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    i have a neighbor who is very nice. We share a good rapport and talk often. We also go out for walk together. However, the issue is she often borrows stuff from me and never returns, like idli stands, sev sanchas (machine), big utensils etc. it often happens that when i need them, i search the house and then later remember that she borrowed it but didn't return. When I ask she will say, "oh I forgot". Eventually, when i get it back, it is not even washed.

    I don't understand how to deal with her. She is good at heart and don't want to spoil relationship with her. but this is quite upsetting.
     
    Akanksha1982, Nov 3, 2014
    Akanksha1982, Nov 3, 2014
    #1
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  2. Nov 3, 2014 #2
    guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    I directly say, "sorry but I don't like lending my stuff" hasn't ruined any relationship.

    if your kitchen stuff comes back in an unwashed condition, it is extremely disgusting! In your place, I would have said incredulously, "this is unwashed. Could you clean it and return it by x'o clock please?" and walked away. It really is apalling. Next time simply say, I've put it away in the attic, loft whatever.
     
    guesshoo, Nov 3, 2014
    guesshoo, Nov 3, 2014
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  3. Nov 5, 2014 #3
    pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op ,

    When you give ,tell her you needed it the next day or that evening itself .And make sure to follow it up.If you tell her its not urgent ,she tends to forget.(i follow it myself and its effective)

    Returning the borrowed item in an unwashed condition is not forgivable.If she has a maid you could blame her loudly about the bad washing and request her to do the washing herself when she returns.Or you could crack a joke about that unwashed condition .

    And more over its not a sin to point out directly time taken & the condition she had returned you your things.
     
    pear, Nov 5, 2014
    pear, Nov 5, 2014
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  4. Nov 5, 2014 #4
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    This works best.
    Also - "Could you pls clean it and return it" - keep it short and simple.
     
    Ragini25, Nov 5, 2014
    Ragini25, Nov 5, 2014
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  5. Nov 7, 2014 #5
    ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    My aunt is of similar type.. We just stopped giving items to her saying we don't have or we cannot
     
    ivlakshmi, Nov 7, 2014
    ivlakshmi, Nov 7, 2014
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  6. Nov 7, 2014 #6
    padmaja909

    padmaja909 Platinum IL'ite

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    while giving only you give her a time limit. hand over the required item and tell her can you please return it by evening or tomorrow, whatever is convenient, and if she doesnt return u can always remind her and ask her to give it as u require it. and same way u just tell her to wash it and give. its her moral responsibility to return anything taken from you in the same condition as it was, while taking.
     
    padmaja909, Nov 7, 2014
    padmaja909, Nov 7, 2014
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  7. Nov 9, 2014 #7
    Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, she has two mischievous boys (4 years and 2 years) and is working as well. So she is always running around. I know i have to be straight with her. But i just don't like giving time limits or pointing mistakes of others. Especially, her house is opposite of mine. So, its like facing everyday.

    I do tell her in a joking way about returning and she says, yeah what do i do i forget and then she goes on telling how much she is behind on everything. Now, i have a note on the fridge where i write what i give her.

    Once there was a funny incident, she ask me to borrow my big vessel. I told her it is with you only. you borrowed it last time and didn't return.

    It is just that she talks sweetly and innocently without any ill-intention so i get carried away.
     
    Akanksha1982, Nov 9, 2014
    Akanksha1982, Nov 9, 2014
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  8. Nov 11, 2014 #8
    eshu09

    eshu09 New IL'ite

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    oh nice idea keeping urself the list ur giving her
     
    eshu09, Nov 11, 2014
    eshu09, Nov 11, 2014
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  9. Dec 17, 2014 #9
    powerpuffgal

    powerpuffgal Bronze IL'ite

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    even i have had a bad experience once with my tenant.. we had cake celebration at home n offered them cakes.. while returning she s asking her ma "do i hav to clean this n give" in front of me n my DH .. and elder lady s answering "ohh noo you shud never do tat (as if its the custom) jus give them as it is" i felt so embraced.. worried tat i shud nt have taken my husband along... crazy..they use their laziness as a custom practice... I knw few customs i do follow them but i never came across this silly thing:evil:..
     
    powerpuffgal, Dec 17, 2014
    powerpuffgal, Dec 17, 2014
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  10. Dec 17, 2014 #10
    Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    I have 2 neighbors like this. They do not borrow any item from us but wehenver we go indian store , will ask us to get something for them (we all indian neighbors , around 6-7 families do this) but never pay back for those things (as of now we had spent around $50 on both and unfortunately they never paid back). Even I was asking my DH let's ask them to get something for us and we also do not pay but DH was not ready. We just asked one from them for a packet of Maggie ($3) and my DH paid immediately. Even they didn't think after that they should also payback to us.
     
    Priya4oct, Dec 17, 2014
    Priya4oct, Dec 17, 2014
    #10

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