The following might be disturbing. I'm requesting you to be respectful. If nobody talks about this issue, then nothing will get done. I'm not interested in hearing how "these things don't happen Indian culture" when they do. When the poster winpie said that controlling parents were uncommon in Indian culture, it just made me think about all of the stuff that I was raised to think was "normal." My mom and biological father split when I was young. He was very violent. My mom married my step-dad, whom I call "dad." I was taught to think that my biological father was non-existent. My mom and "dad" said that to never tell any Indian that about my mom divorcing and remarrying. They said that Indians look down on divorced and remarried women. They said that they don't want to attract unwanted gossip by "putting our business" out there. They said that I will have a hard time getting married to a good Indian man if the Indian community knows that my dad is a step-father. As a child, I passively obeyed and told everyone how my step-father is my biological dad. My mom worshipped my dad (step-dad) over the years, but he started to sexually abuse me in middleschool. I kept quiet for obvious reasons. As a 12 year old, I thought isn't this taboo to talk about? What if nobody believed me? What if I get blamed? What if I hurt my mom's feelings since she idolizes him? Who is going to provide for us, since my dad is the main financial provider? When I was 24, I finally had disclosed my mom the truth about what my dad was trying to do when I was 12. She was angry, but she wanted to stay with him. She also wanted me to still not tell any Indian that he is actually my step-father. She wants me to still call him "dad." She wanted me to forget about everything and not rock the boat. She's a very reputation-conscious woman and would die if she had to leave my dad, and then explain it to other Indians. My family was liberal in the sense where they let me date, as long as the young man was Indian. Some of the Indian families I knew didn't let their daughters date at all. The Indian man I had dated was sadly much like my dad. He told me that it's my fault for being sexually abused, and that I should just shut up and put with it. He guilted me for wanting to move out of my parents' home, and said "Look at how much your parents did for you. It's bad that you are complaining about your parents! Your dad isn't a bad guy. Give him a second chance. Your mom is fighting for you, and this is how you treat her? You have no sympathy for your mom, because she loves your dad. " My Indian ex- boyfriend didn't understand how much pain I was in for being sexually abused and having a mom that chose a pedophile over me. In America, sexually abusing a child is a heinous crime. I desperately wanted to get out of that house and live a happy life, but my Indian ex-boyfriend told me I was too dumb to live on my own. My Indian ex-boyfriend also said that "Your Indian husband will hate you if you ever tell him what your dad did to you. He will think that you willingly had sex with your dad." Is he right? Will an Indian husband really judge you for that? In America, an adult touching a child is a crime. Some even say child sexual abuse is worse than murder. I'm disturbed if someone doesn't seem to understand that. Ever since I moved out of my parents' house and kicked that ex-boyfriend to the curb, I've had little contact with Indians. If I do have contact with them, I don't share these details. I really don't know what's normal and what's not normal amongst Indians. It seems like this forum has Indians from all backgrounds. Indians that are divorced. Indians that don't have parents that dictate their lives. What would be the average Indian's opinion on my family? There's a chance that most will not even reply to this thread. Hey, at least I tried. If my family and my Indian ex-boyfriend are a rare occurrence, then I'm very angry at why I was lied to for so many years. As I said in the other thread, I missed out on a lot of things that other people got to do. Ever since I moved out of my parents' home at 25, that was when I truly experienced life and the real world for what it is.