need to vent....

No it wont stop you from getting hurt..what it will do is make sure u are not taken advantage of.
I think spouses need freedom to spend on people /things they think are important. Curtailing that freedom would result in unnecessary fights.U cannot change ur husbands idea of what he thinks he needs to spend on just as he cannot change what you think you should be spending on. Reduce the pool available to him from which he can spend without taking ur opinions into account.

 

JAG

Problem here is....her husband tells her to save her money....so its like...she does what she wants with her money (eventually spending on home etc...and he spends on what he likes...mostly sending to India..)
its difficult to mend such cases where husband doesnt take wifes money to run the house or plan for the future...because he has a valid explanation..I am not taking your money or I am not sending your money..(its a tricky situation)

More than anything here..if the husband is convinced his sister has to growup...all this will be resolved..he can help her to start a small business or learn a course or give hermonthly amount until she stands up on her feet...but the other side is not ready to try out anything...and they send the list of stuff they want everyt ime he calls....he cant push or insist or take a firm stand...(because he is thinking he is taking care of his parents/sister....but infact he is making them handicapped)

 

Sri and Psych...
I see where you are coming from and I agree it does pain to see money being spent on people who refuse to grow up but u cannot solve it by questioning his priorities .
It didn't work the last 'N' years psych tried ...why would continuing this approach solve it now?
Change the rules of the game. Instead of trying to get emotional ..first make sure u and ur family are protected.
Accept that the one who brings in the lions share of paycheck home will have the bigger say . Its a harsh reality.
Now within the pool u both have make him pay for the monthly expenses and his share of the children's and family savings( in the ratio of ur incomes). The rest is HIS. Accept it. Remember this will also mean u will have latitude to spend on things U want....He is not responsible if u again spend it on children. Thats a choice u make,.

Let me give u a concrete plan.
Lets say u bring home $2000 and he brings home $6000 a month.
And ur monthly expenses are $3000
Split it in the ratio of ur incomes. You put in 1000 and he will put in 2000.
Now decide u want to save 1000 a month for exclusively for ur family .
You will put in $300 and let him put in $700.

the remaining money $700 is urs to spend . Buy a nice treadmill..take a class.ur choice.
He will be left with $3300.
Yes that $3300 is his to spend.Unfortunately nothing u can do about it.

 

I guess he understands the priorities and what is it that he is doing wrong etc....only thing here is..he is unable to convince his parents and always fall for the emotional tricks n tactics...its not that he doesnt know what he is doing..(most of the times husbands do know that their parents are taking advantage or some thing is unreasonable..)

thats why ops thread title is need to vent ....they are getting there...but very very slowlyyyyyy..

parents and sister are playing the pity card..sorry state card..and sometimes strong people also give in to the demands...when they are made emotional.

 

Very good..that means its easy to be fair. Its a harder problem to solve when one of them has a significantly lower income.

Don't. See thats the problem. Dig in your heels and refuse to pay . Tell him you can loan him his share from ur personal savings but he needs to pay it back. If u pick an argument about his parents/sisters/obligations self-imposed or otherwise it will only make him defensive...wont help ur bank balance or ur peace of mind.

Psych...when all is said and done..this is 'A' option ..it has worked for people I know in the past. May or may not work for you. Best of luck!