Need Suggestions To Deal Over-interfiering, Anti Social And Very Judgemental Mil

Hello everybody. I did love marriage. MIL was in favour of but my parents were against the marriage. Initially they tried to explain me about the economical and cultural differences among our families but later they agreed and got us married finding no other way out. In begining she was nice towards with me but slowly she started commenting me and my parents for not giving her proper respect. My parents were not very excited about my relationship but never misbehaved with them. And followed every custom they told, invited, greeted or served her in all possible ways. Slowly she started commenting for each and everything not happening acc.to her wish like Bade ghar ke beti might have said and proudy people and all. During my younger BIL's alliance search I came to know why she was agree for my relationship when she said that she dsn't want to Marry her younger son to a middle class family. And my parents were from affluent background so she found me suitable. In normal daily life also she would find excuses to curse me or my parents. Though neither they ever interfered or even knew what's going on in my life. If my husband will search a maid or will buy a mat for kids to play on floor she'll start saying ya we are so poor that we arn't providing your wife and kids the life they want to live and all. Overall whatever new happening in house was because of me and my parents. She is extremely anti social have fights with neighbours, vegetable sellers, grocers and milkman every now and then and hates us for being nice or friendly with any body. Is so interfering that I can't even talk to my kids without her knowledge and interference , can't cook evn one chapati without her expert guidance evn after 12 yrs of my marriage. Luckily she dsn't stay with us and is financially independent due to my FIL's pension. I talk with her very less ( face to face or on phone )and visit her with husband and kids on festivals. She comes to us every now and then and stats for around a week or ten days and even if single argument happens (never with me) she rushes back in anger. I used to call her frequently but she used to manipulate all talks acc. to her thoughts and would blame me for her imaginary interpretations. Would find out fault in each and everything and is always full of suggestions, feels no one is able to evn breathe without her guidance. I had been an independent and educated grl but now have become very depressed with my house maid kind of life. Serving her her son and kids is all left my life. I don't know how I can make her happy. My husband usually cooperates but gets mad every time her mother says anything bad about me or my parents. He gets angry on me for not keeping her happy. I don't want to discuss this with my parents as don't want to hurt them more. I just wish that I find a way to make her happy may be then I can live the life I wish to. Easy, tension free and respectable. Now I would admit my faults that I still aspire to be an independent person and want to wrk outside . am qualified enough. Have worked as assistant professor and school wise principal and both times left job due to husband's transfer. Plz. Suggest ways to keep her and her son pleased so that I along with kids can have a peaceful life.

 

Thanks for ur reply. Am trying hard to believe that whatever I do can't make her happy but my husband's complaining eyes and her constant comments do bother me. I know it's stupidity but I feel like a looser and evn a bad DIL and wife many times. Anyways I HV found few ways which keep situations peaceful most of the time. I am still in search of any new funda I can apply to make her please. U rightly caught am very sad and depressed at present and don' t want to transfer same negativeness to kids as well. Will try my best to keep my self engaged to avoid those irrelevant complaints.