Need Some Suggestions And Peace!!

Hi,
this is time for you to concentrate on the arrival of your baby. these kinda of men will never understand those emotions. sometimes i feel men should become women and experience the pain both physically and mentally what a women goes through in this stage.
physically in pain because of labor and mentally with all the brutal words from hubby and in laws. whats wrong with these people? and to think they are all educated. sorry i can very well understand what you are going through. that foolishness from hubby will always be there. but the child birth and happy precious moments will not be there. my husband wanted my parents to pay for everything regardless of the insurance paying everything
for now concentrate on the baby. Happy and safe delivery.

 

Dear ssainv,
sorry to read of your situation, and i know how helpless it feels when we have to deal with such attitudes. Sad part is that, it is very common and the few where no differentiation is made are lucky. At this time, it is not worth worrying about all this. Such attitudes are inborn and very difficult to change overnight. The best thing for you is not to react over all this. You can explain to your father similarly not to consider all this but to just go ahead and do what he would normally do. Just concentrate on your baby and i wish you a safe and happy delivery. For future since you are earning , ensure you have some extent of financial independence and not at the beck and call of your husband for everything.

 

Focus on your baby for now. Your parents have seen how your husband behaves and they understand the situation. He is one losing respect in front of them, not you. All this business of the girl's family paying for delivery belongs in the old ages. Tell your parents to ignore him and don't allow them to actually pay. If your husband tells your dad to ask money from your brother your father should politely but firmly reply that he is capable of taking care of his own expenses.
And keep your finances at least partially separate. Don't just hand over your paycheck.

 

For now chill. A new life is on its way and it's time to pray and celebrate

Don't say anything to your husband as long as your parents are around for saving their dignity. Once they leave you take the guy to task. Anything he wants, tell him to ask his kid. When he can tell your dad to, he should also follow that. Whatever you pay for, taunt him that as per age old traditions , husband has to earn and take care of all expenses, but here I am managing this for you.

Give back however you want to, but wait for the right time. Now he and his stupid behavior are the last things you need to think about.

Congratulations in advance and a happy delivery is it pinky or bluey?

 

Absolutely correct.

Further as per traditions deliveries took place at home where expenses were minimal.

And people did not go to the US of A to work...

OP please dont get stressed because of silly people. people cherry pick traditions as per their convenience and take high moral ground selectively. i know it is easier said than done to ignore things at such times but thats the only way of dealing with it.

Wish you a healthy and happy baby and hugs to you.

 

His parents/family probably say stuff like this to him and have expectations to match. Not a battle that is easily won.
Good Luck with your baby!

 

Op,
Next time when you wash dishes, laundry, house cleaning, cooking, etc.. tell ur H that he would have paid money in india to get it done. N that he owes u his lifetime for this.
On a serious note, our parents gen understands this kind of behaviour, male chauvenism, sarcasims.. u r stressing too much. Ur parents might be feeling ok n used to it(which is not ok in another sense)

 

Congratulations! In another few hours you couldn't care less about all this...believe me! Your world will become so small which will just be filled with you and your baby.

As far as delivery expense is concerned, yes, I have also learnt that there are some people who believe it should be borne by the girl's parents. Of course, that is their orthodox mentality. Just ignore him and ask your parents to ignore. The more you react, the worse the situation will get. Maybe after a while you can enact a scene with your friend or somebody in front of your husband.

You: Friend...how nice your parents paid for your delivery
Friend: no! Why would my parents pay for my delivery? These days nobody does these archaic and uncivilized formalities. My husband and i paid gor everything like we should. Of course...it's our baby!

Maybe that will knock some sense into his head. But of course, this might and will get washed out by the constant brainwashing that will be dished out by ILs of course!

 

[QUOTE="Vennella, post: 3914106, Maybe after a while you can enact a scene with your friend or somebody in front of your husband.

You: Friend...how nice your parents paid for your delivery
Friend: no! Why would my parents pay for my delivery? These days nobody does these archaic and uncivilized formalities. My husband and i paid gor everything like we should. Of course...it's our baby[/QUOTE]

Please don't do this. It can backfire. He can say, look your friends also find it good that your parents pay! And more importantly, never bring a 3rd person in between husband and wife issues, however big or trivial they are. The more direct you are the better for your relationship. Friends can always lend an ear, suggest and support but don't bring them into the quarrel ever.

JMO