Need help to handel it .

sonalika · Feb 5, 2012

Hi Ladies,

I really need help to tackle the situation. My DH wants to bring his parents to US.They are never good to me,my MIL always makes new rules to touture me. When ever I stay with them I go in depression. She did all wrong she can do with me. Before My husband use to support me, but now he got changed. He feels guilty as his parents staying alone. So he listen and follow all there demands. He tells me if you are not able to stay with them then go to India and stay. He will finance me. But now he wants to stay with them. I have two kids, I don't want to spoil there life. He doesn't want to buy gifts for me as it is waste of money. But want to spend money like anything on my Inlaws.

HE thinks I am the one who spoiling relation between him and his family. But he does not realize in what situation I am. Going crazy don't know what to do. It hurts to see your spouse for whom you leave your family and come, He does not care about you.

PLEASE Advice me

priyaj1986 · Feb 5, 2012

Hi Sonalika,

Even I was in your situation. When I asked my hubby that i want to live independently without his parents, he asked me to leave to my mom's house. He told me that I am not only his life and and he doesn't me alone to be with him. He wants his parents to be with him and its his duty to take care of them. We had a huge fight last thursday. I clearly understood that i am only secondary to him, So i advice you to adjust and live with them. please do not show any opposition. I am living in the same house with his parents but I don't talk to them. If you are working please concentrate more on work and your kids and ignore his parents. If the terms are not going good with them, you clearly explain your husband that you are not ready to talk to your parents and you live your life as I am doing now. Never leave to India as your husband says. You stay with them and lead your life... Dont worry for anything and be happy..

Regards,
Priya

sonalika · Feb 5, 2012

Thanks Priya,

Your advice will help me. But same time it is hard and it hurts to see we are secondry. I always try to be happy but when your spouse don't support then it feels like end of life. We do so much for them but it counts nothing infornt of there parents.
Nice to get a friend like you. All the best to you too.

priyaj1986 · Feb 5, 2012

Thanks Sonalika.. even I am depressed like you.. i developed hypertension and even my hands start trembling when I become tensed. Then I realised, Its afterall our life. And we are going to live it only once. Why do we need to ruin it for the sake of others... I know its difficult but when you start living happy you will see big differences. One day or the other he will long for your love and realise his mistakes. Till then consider your inlaws as passing clouds and concentrate in bringing up your kids..

All the very best..

Regards,
Priya

crazymom · Feb 8, 2012

My husband told me that he is never going to live with his parents as they are never on the same page with him. We had a baby and they came over here, that time was very depressing for me. They want me to work full time, cook 3 times a day and don't like that I put my kid in daycare. Also when they were here, they did not like that my husband used to help me out in house chores. So they tried to do themselves, my DH did not want them to work and I was like a sandwich. After they left, they complained everyone how I have changed and even like I do not take proper care of DH. Now my DH calls them every other day (He was the one who told me before that what to talk about everyday), and wants his parents to come stay with him. I don't understand I adjusted everywhere and I did whatever he wanted. Now all of sudden he has all the love for his parents!