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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by meenasankaran, Feb 12, 2012.

  1. meenasankaran

    meenasankaran Platinum IL'ite

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    ‘Love is in the air’ someone said the other day and I promptly looked at the calendar to find myself in the middle of February once again.

    Every time I hear this phrase, by reflex, I tilt my head up and sniff at the air like a hound on a scent only to wipe the drool pooled by the spicy aroma wafting in from my neighbor’s kitchen. Love, I guess, requires specially designed noses.

    My mother was telling me recently over one of our many informative phone conversations :)how very difficult it is these days to find a bride for a boy in India. According to her, girls in India are now plowing through the field of marriageable boys, harvesting only the best of them after ruthless scrutiny. Her blessed heart was fretting over the fate of those poor boys that don’t ever make the cut.

    And that got me thinking: Is it time to reveal my secret? Do I have the right to sit on this anymore now that I know it could potentially change lives? Knowing that I have the power to make it happen, can I really live with myself if I don’t lend a helping hand to those boys who yearn for their turn to be struck by Cupid’s arrow? Will the crest-fallen faces of those bearded youth haunt my sleep forever?

    After a whole minute of thinking, I decided to come clean and tell the world about it if only to get back to my dreamless sleep.

    Coming from a conservative South Indian family, my sisters and I owe our timely marriages at the tender age of early twenties to two things.

    1. Good luck – Never underestimate the power of luck in a South-Indian wedding. How else can you get the kind astrologer to declare your horoscopes ‘MATCHED’? No matching, no wedding so if the astrologer turns his nose down at your horoscope, you may be Rajinikanth for all the good that will do you. A conservative South-Indian father would still boot you from here to Amjikkarai. :drowning

    So is it any wonder that my sisters and I feel such gratitude for the powers above for lining up the dominoes correctly on our horoscopes? Because if the ‘Guru’ on our horoscopes hadn’t winked at his brothers on our spouses’ horoscopes just at the right moment, where would we be today? God’s grace is bountiful indeed! :bowdown

    2. Apsaras Photo Studio – This is the secret that I have been safe-guarding all these years. Second to luck, I owe my ‘mangal sutra’ to this Studio and the time has finally come for me to reveal it to this world so all mankind can benefit from it.


    Want to get married? Go to Apsaras Studio today and get your photo taken. I guarantee that proposals will start flowing your way before you can sneeze and say’ bless you’.


    But WAIT! This photo is not for the eyes of your prospective girl. Oh dear lord, no! Not if you want a fighting chance with the girl. Pose for the photo, pay for it, then quietly tuck it away like I did because an Apsaras Studio photo is never flattering to the subject and that is God’s honest truth.

    Say, for example, you have a few pimples artfully spread on your face. Little pomegranate seeds just sprinkled here and there like cilantro in a bowl of ‘Chole’. Left alone, no one will be the wiser for they don’t attract too much attention other than lending sweetness to that young face, right? Hah, wrong! Once the Apsaras’s photographer is done with you, each one of those pimples will stand tall as a solder on a battlefield. :rant

    Got small pores on your face? ‘Yes, but they are hardly noticeable’, you may say. Wrong again, my friend. The Apsaras photographer will diligently adjust his lighting and make it his life’s mission to highlight each one of your pores to ensure that ‘posterity will not willingly let them die’.

    I have always wondered about the camera equipment they use. How special it must really be to be able to zoom in on a standing subject from the bottom to give the subject a very unique ‘bloated’ effect! Man, was I awestruck when I got my photo back from Apsaras all those years ago! It reminded me of those Telugu movies on TV about Gods where NT Rama Rao will grow in height and weight by magical proportions to give his devotees a viswaroopa dharisanam. I looked just like that in the photo. :)

    Be that as it may, that photo was my ticket to marriage. Till then, Ragu and his friends residing on my horoscope were most disinterested in cooperating. Once I subjected myself to a photo session at Apsaras, as if from a trance, dear Guru woke up and winked promptly at the astrologer and the rest, as they say, is history.

    Happy February to one and all! May Apsaras Studio continue to be the miracle that will stop all those youngsters in India flocking to a monastery!

    [FONT=&quot]PS: Contact me privately for more details on Apsaras Studio. Serious inquiries only. :wink: [/FONT]
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2012
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  2. kkrish

    kkrish Finest Post Winner

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    Hahaha! Apsaras Studios Eh?

    Thanks much and what did you say your number was? No, no, no..not for me, though I think I should have contacted you three decades ago.

    The studio I went to made my face appear smooth as marble, while the truth was I was the sole inspiration to many a poet's comparison of the woman's face to the moon - full of craters. :)!

    I know your noble gesture of sharing your deepest secret is out of love (pun intended) but after being friends with Kamalji I too think you are losing out on an golden opportunity of making millions! You can open up a website to direct folks to "Apsara" photo studio for a nominal fee and charge a commission from the studio too!
    Of course send me thank you gift if your business venture succeeds (I am sure it will be).

    Oh by the way does "Apsara" studios run a parallel concern called "Manmadan studios"?...just asking!! Of course you know why, don't you? :)

    Note: I am so happy you are back Meena. BTW I know it snowed in your part of the world today; did you make hot bajjis and filter coffee like you did last year?
     
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  3. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    :rotfl:rotfl Meenu .. a lovely blog for a lazy sunday morning.:thumbsup

    I so want to go back and check that pic of mine. I am quite sure my nose drew attention first in that pic. so big it appeared in the photograph ( like Picasso he too probably believed in emphasising the obvious )..that when I was actually 'seen' it appeared perfectly chiseled and HEY no one could help falling in love with me .:wink:

    Any way I too can vouch for little Jennys studio in an obscure galli from aamchi Mumbai. You see, the photographer and owner of the studio was my Dads good friend too. My bro always said probably we were his only customers but I now realize I have him to thank for rather than Cupid!!
     
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  4. mansimahi

    mansimahi Gold IL'ite

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    hilarious meena..... does apsara studio have a branch in mumbai???? :)

    i remember my mom wanted to haul me to a studio at sion, mumbai because she had heard from genuine and reliable sources that it had a reputation that anyone who gets their pic taken at that studio will immediately get a groom as if by magic :bowdown I put my foot down and refused to go...but my cousin was not lucky...she was hauled to that studio... there should have been a disclaimer in fine print..."any resemblence of the photo to the person is purely coincidental and the studio is no way responsible for this". Lipstick, blush, eyebrow darkened, colour enhanced, - the photographer had unleashed his creativity with a vengeance... all this when photoshop was unheard of in early 90's - and made my cousin go on a time warp to look like a 60's heroine.... she tore off the photo and burnt the negatives as soon as she saw them....but to be fair to the studio...she did land a groom soon after. As for me... cupid just sent me a bit of good "luck" to get the horror-scopes matched ... or maybe my dh got his pic taken at the infamous "apsara" studios or one of its branches... :p
     
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  5. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Meena
    You are now in the awesome league of Mani Ratnam and Shankar in producing continuous stream of blockbusters. While your ‘Desi mum’ is still keeping us grinning like a hyena, here you come with your next. To tell you the truth, when I got up from my bed this morning, I started laughing uncontrollably. My wife noticing it asked me politely if I dreamed of my mil slipping on a banana peel. I assured her that I never dreamed such inhuman dreams and she persisted with her quizzical look. Realising that it was my laughing right as I was getting out of my bed the reason for her question, I confessed to her that I had no clue about why I was laughing.

    Then after paying off my morning debts, I sat before the Lenovo and logged into IL. The moment my eyes fell on Snippets, I knew why I woke up laughing this morning. Your new thread was there bearing the posting time of 4.35 a.m. Believe me or not, it was precisely at that moment, I started laughing this morning! You would have been Samuel Johnson in your previous birth and me Boswell. The story of admiration continues!

    ‘Love is in the air’ is just not something someone told you. It is what everyone is screaming these days though I fail to under this preference of love for only air and none of the other ‘panchaboothas’. It is such an irony that when love always prefers to be in the air, the Son of Vayu remains unaffected by it and stays a bachelor!

    You are talking about your horoscope that landed you a good husband on the appointed day. Our horoscopes are equally good if not better to have landed you in IL when we were all feeling grumpy and stroking our chins. God’s grace is bountiful, doubly indeed!

    This Apsaras Photo Studio interests me a lot. They seem to be skilled in unapsarassing the Apsaras. Technically they are called ‘perspective photographers’ in the sense that they always try to project what or who they photograph in very strange and indecipherable perspectives. I am sure you know what I mean. It is like making number 3 supine and calling it as a lady with her back to the camera or as one of the Three Idiots!

    A delightful read as usual, my dear Meena. It would have been more delightful if you had attached your ‘Viswaroopa Darshanam’ as photographed by Apsaras Photo Studio!
    Sri
     
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  6. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    OMG..meenasankaran, that was just so hilarious. Enjoyed reading every word.
    And yes, I guess horoscopes do balitti aduchufy when the right photos comes along :D
    Thanks for sharing :)
     
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  7. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    whoa.. meena.. you are simply too hilarious.. I have this stupid grin and am holding back my laughter after reading your post..
    so Apsara studios is it??.. now that the cat is out of the bag I'm sure you are in for a huge payment from them in terms of royalty or loyalty??..
    well tell me you didn't do the usual bajji/ sooji and singing ritual as I hear in IL is customary for all south indians??..
    enjoyed
    Kerman
     
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  8. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Meena, with your daughter already complaining that you are a Desi Mom, you are asking for trouble by advertising for Apsara Studio!!
    Mine was taken in the Then famous G K Vale. They were so "true to their profession" that I got married inspite of an honest photograph.
    In your latest FB photo, your newly acquired diamond ring simply flashes!!:)
    I loved your post, Meena!
     
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  9. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

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    Haha, Meena...it is very nice of you to let the secret out, to the bachelors of India (BOI). along with them, the Apsaras studios are planning a grand reception for you. let us know that date, we can also taste your happiness. :)

    Sriniketan
     
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  10. mimur9

    mimur9 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Meena,

    I was missing my works for the past few days and with this post you gave my tummies a real work out. ROFL :rotfl

    Luckily my parrents never took a chance as no photo exchange was done when our horoscopes matched! The boy came to see me directly and our marriage was fixed! Seems all the nine gods in our horoscope remained very calm & in a joyful mood.

    I have seen in some marriages where horoscopes are overlooked when the beautiful photos match or if the Dhanalakshmi is ruling the girl's / boy's house. I was thinking what to do to kill my leisure 'time' (definitely not the dudes huh) , your "Apsara" Studio has brought a spark:idea & now thinking why not join you by extending my helping hand and start a "Gandharva":crazy & help the dudes. Give me yours, I will forward my number to you soon, would like to consult you for a banner exchange ;-)
     
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