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Need Advise On Handling Depressed Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by 2bkind, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. 2bkind

    2bkind Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    It has been years since I was here last and I always loved the support of the lovely members here. I am not sure sure if this is the appropriate forum, if not moderators please move it to the correct place.

    Here goes. I have a good relationship with my In-laws .My MIL has always been supportive and a non-interfering type and let us build our life on our terms. She was a working woman, but managed her family really well at the same time and she has 2 sons (BIL and my husband). This thread is about my MIL's health issues and how its affecting our family. She has had health issues in the past - Diabetes, BP, Rhumatoid Arthritis, Osteoporosis and more recently she was hospitalized for Hyponatremia and also underwent a spinal surgery. However all her medical conditions are under control at the moment.

    She has been unwell for the past 4 months and has been having health problems one after the other and understandably is depressed about the same. We have taken her to a Psychiatrist and is on medication (SSRI). Also she has had chronic insomnia for years and always used some doctor prescribed medication or the other for sleep.

    The problem is she is not finding any relief from the medication she has been taking and has a strong belief that she is not going to get better and has a totally negative outlook on life. We have all tried talking to her, put some music, bring her magazines, try meditation sessions with her , etc but she is totally switched off and not interested in anything other than her health, medicine dosage and pain .

    Although she is suffering from some residual pain from her spinal problems , we have consulted the doctors and are following up on care for her, she feels she is already broken all bones and doesn't seem to believe that she will recover and get back to her previous health status. This seems contradictory to all the tests and seems to be psychological issue. Also she has trust issues and feels that she will be abandoned by her family including my FIL. However, my FIL has been her primary caregiver with support by all others in the family.

    Also she keeps pestering us to go and leave her on the road which is totally upsetting all of us and how much ever we tell that we will continue to care for her no matter what she is not reassured. This is also taking a toll on my FIL who has been a rock so far and has started to feel dejected. She understands she is having mental health issues but she is not willing to talk about it and feels that it is disgrace if its known to outsiders that she is having such issues. However no -one other our immediate family knows and we don't share such confidences with any outsiders.

    We are totally at our wits end on how to handle this and how to make her feel her importance in our lives and bring her back to normal.
    Please pour in your suggestions / advise on how to handle depression in senior citizens. It is very painful for us to see her like this from being a super efficient woman who can handle all issues singlehandedly to see her now with no reason to live.
    Sorry for the long post.
     
    GeetaKashyap and Thyagarajan like this.
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:The best place is where she spent her childhood or place where she derived lots of happiness and those connected people might have the solution to bring her out of her present malady. Choose remedy wisely.
    All the best.
    Thanks for believing IL for remedy and Regards.
    God de-press the pedal when one is depressed and take him or her in autoban. Thrill will fill her and rejuvenate.
     
    messedup and GeetaKashyap like this.
  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    @2bkind ,

    Oldage+recurring health issues+side-effects of some of the drugs she is consuming+ loss of independence and a sense of self....can affect anyone badly. God bless your family; all of you seem so loving and caring.

    Focus on the reduction of her physical pains>mental issue, if possible, through some non-invasive methods like Reiki. This may have some real or placebo effect on her. Give some breaks and diversions to your fil; this may reduce her guilt about being a burden. I wonder if some counselling, company of her friends etc might help her. May God bless her.
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
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  4. radv

    radv Gold IL'ite

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    OP - involve her in day to day, small or not so small decisions which may make her feel wanted and involved. Just my two cents.
     
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  5. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you tried psychological counseling and changing the kind of antidepressants?
     
  6. 2bkind

    2bkind Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks all for your replies ..though I read all your responses I couldn’t reply immediately. I have been MIA since was tied up with health issues of various other family members, I appreciate your time and suggestions.
    Update abt my MIL: she has improved slightly but is continuing to be withdrawn and has not been able to overcome her depression.
    But her incessant talks about abandonment have stopped. We are still trying to bring her back to normal but feel we have a long way to go... in the meanwhile we are also trying adjust our thinking and expectations.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  7. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Yes; MIA is understandable. When many wonders about managing affairs with MIL of Hitler-woman category, your post was an oasis-kind demonstrating your love for your beloved MIL & that is what drawn some of us to you with responses.
    2. It is heartening that you had posted here an update - a tad positive about your beloved MIL’s progress and friends in IL WOULD BE agog & GLAD TO HEAR THE STEPS TAKEN that has begun to cause positive transformations(MIL).
    3. Best wishes to your DD & the other: also to other members of your family.
    4. You are aware IL platform offers scope not only to seek solutions and or resolutions but an inexhaustible mine of functional reliable ideas that one can continuously browse and benefit.
    Thanks and Regards.
     
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  8. 2bkind

    2bkind Silver IL'ite

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    You are absolutely right ... I find solace, solutions and support from IL whenever I had issues / confusions.
    The information and experiences shared help in getting the feeling that we are not alone with our problems.

    About my MIL:

    The medications have helped to a large extent. We (me and DH) realized that constantly focusing on her is not helping her a lot. So we have given her some time and space.

    It is very difficult to understand (for those of us not suffering from the same problem) how a depressed person's mind thinks and functions . We felt we are crowding her with a lot of different ideas but she was hesitant to take up any of it , afraid of failures. So , we have left it to her to take up any activity she desires and when she wants to do it rather than bombard her constantly with some new ways to combat her depression. We have explained we are available whenever she needs us and are ready to spend time with her. To be very honest this has also helped us to get a better perspective.

    Also we regularly engage her in the evenings by doing pranayama with her and encourage her to do some shloka chanting to energize her.

    However we are no where near normal , but are trying to be positive and accepting what we cannot change.
     
    Thyagarajan likes this.
  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:That’s nice of you to have responded to an isolated call .
    2. Our prayers are with your Mil, your family members & you.
    3. What has set in over years perhaps decades might take time set right and anything progressively positive is going to remain robust.
    God bless all joint family as union is strength.
     

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