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Need advice about a friend who thinks I am a single

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ARCHNA, Feb 4, 2006.

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  1. ARCHNA

    ARCHNA New IL'ite

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    as most of you know my stories by now. here is another one.
    i met this guy on the internet a month ago we talked over the phone, sharedsome decent pictures and now he insists on meeting me but unfortunately he doesn;'t know i'm married actually i lied to him abt being single and going to college.

    he is good guyu i like talking to him but i'm afraid to lose him if i tell him abt my husband we talk on the phone all the time and he makes me laugh and started loving me or thats what he says . when my husband saw the phone bil h e asked me w ho is this i lied to him to asaying just an old friend from india.

    tell me what shud i do
     
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  2. laksn

    laksn Senior IL'ite

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    Advice for Archana

    Hi Archana,
    I think at this point it is good to let your chat friend know evertything. If he is a real friend then he is going to talk to you even after he knows the truth, though he may be a little bit angry in the beginning. From what you say, I undertstand he is in love with you or has a crush on you. If that is the case it is all the more better to let him know. You would not want to hurt him in the long run. I know it is easy to say, but I think it is absolutely OK to lose a friend who does not want to talk to you coz you are married. There are lots of people here, make friends with us and share the good and bad with us. We are more than happy to help you out. Just my two cents.

    Lakshmi
     
  3. sonia

    sonia Bronze IL'ite

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    advice

    hi archana
    i m also agreed wd aksn dat u shd tell him u r married.
    truth is d basis of good friendship.
    bye
     
  4. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Archana

    Dear Archana,

    I am thinking with you here, Archana. I am not competent to give you advice on this.

    If u do tell yr chat friend abt yr husband, there are three things that could happen:

    1) Your chat friend might break off yr freindship
    2) Yr chat friend may initially be irritated but be happy that you have finally told him the truth. Then things will be as ever or better
    3) Probably tell yr husband some fancy story and use this lying against you

    I am not encouraging you to lie or hide the truth, but sometimes it is better to salvage a situation smoothly and get out of it.

    How much of personal info- like address, phone no etc have you already given him?

    And remember that there is a possibility, that just as you have concealed some vital personal info from him, he too might have concealed something from you.

    Ask yourself what you want.

    Best of luck!

    cheers
    Vidya
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2006
  5. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Archna

    Agree with all the others here.You should actually tell this person the truth.

    Having said that...just wanted to know your mindset here..are you clear about this friendship you have developed online..is it pure friendship only from your point of view?

    If your answer is yes,then you should not be afraid to tell this person the truth.If after hearing the truth,he decides to end the friendship,then it is not friendship at all in the first place.You can console yourself saying that.

    If your answer is no,then I believe that you also have the same type of feelings towards this person.If that is the case,then you have some serious thinking to do.You married life is at stake and you have to come out clean inorder to save your marriage.

    As Vidya said,that person could lie and spoil your marriage.Or your husband could find out at a later date and that could lead to a lotof problems.

    What matters here is what you are thinking about this new found friendship...

    Cheers
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Time to Stop and Think, Archana!

    Dear Archana,
    This is a God-given time to just stop and think about this relationship. Now, what do you want from this relationship? Don't try to venture an off the cuff answer. Plant the question in your mind, allow it to soak into the deepest part of your mind and then you will be surprised by the range of answers that might spring from your mind. And if your actions jell with those answers you will never have a moment of grief in your life.
    Now let me help you. Before telling everything to your chat friend pose the same question to him. Ask him what does he want from you - just chat, exchange of views or something more. If it is just chat or exchange of views and mails, what's the point in a face to face meeting which will serve to complicate both your lives?
    Archana, I am not sure I have the liberty to say this about your chat friend. But as Sonu said about me that I am more like a father-figure to the young women in this forum, I am risking this. And I am competent to say this because I am a male and have crossed all the stages which your chat friend is passing through. At this level and distance your chat friend will appear very sweet and chummy. He will have all the time in the world for you. But once you decide to get closer and if he has some hidden agenda in the relationship and that comes out, well, he will be like any other man. That's how many chat friends especially males behave.
    My only prayer to God is that you should take extraordinary care as relationships like these are like standing on a cliff. One wrong move, the fall would be certain and disastrous.
    Take care.
    regards,
    Varalotti
     
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  7. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar sir,

    I admire your response to Archana...it is just what I wanted to say..you have put it across very effectively and beautifully.

    Archana,all of us are with you ...please think hard ...it is your life.

    Cheers
     
  8. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Be careful

    Dear Archna,

    Having chat friends and other boy friends before marriage is different. A woman becomes a wife, daughter in law and many other things after marriage. One should be very careful about one's (male) friends, colleagues, common friends and also friends of one's husband after marraige. Any untoward incident would topple one's life, some beyond repair. So be very careful in handling this situation and then in future be cautious to avoid tension, agony and more problems.
    All the others have given you enough councelling to think over. Think and act.
    Varloo
     
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  9. ragha81

    ragha81 Bronze IL'ite

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    You are just so horrible. Do something better with your life.
     
  10. Decentguy

    Decentguy New IL'ite

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    May I ask you why you brought this thread into limelight after 7 years?
     
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