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My s/wDH asking me to accepts his scold & beats because nothing loss in it.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Reesha, Jun 17, 2015.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Shruti ...my post was in general about trying to please abusers to keep peace or to get on their better side.

    As for Op..this is not her first thread.There are many other threads that indicate that she is neither in a very abusive marriage,nor is their life so imbalanced against her. They are an educated couple and she is financially independent who seems to have enough say in the matters of her home (as per her other threads).

    As for Ragini...she doesn't believe in grey or a middle path .It is either shut up and take **** or take divorce. If only taking either was as easy.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Shruti ...my post was in general about trying to please abusers to keep peace or to get on their better side.

    As for Op..this is not her first thread.There are many other threads that indicate that she is neither in a very abusive marriage,nor is their life so imbalanced against her. They are an educated couple and she is financially independent who seems to have enough say in the matters of her home (as per her other threads).

    As for Ragini...she doesn't believe in grey or a middle path .It is either shut up and take **** or take divorce.
    It is easy for people who are online and in the confines of their life (which is under control and secure) to say "Do this, and do that"....or just bear with **it or take divorce .If only taking either was as easy.
     
  3. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Abusers never get better with being manipulative.

    I have seen the case of my SIL. Her H abuses her badly physically. It has more and more frequent in the 7 years of their marriage. My ILs and SIL never stand up to him. They just please him more and more - IL sending loads of money, gift and gold, SIL bending backwards for all his wishes. She keeps mute and never replies back to him. Does seva to his family like anything. But these things have made him more aggressive.

    Most recently - he beat her because her kid fell while running and scrapped his knee slightly.

    Her being manipulative/stitching her mouth/pleasing him in all ways hasn't helped the situation. She doesn't want to come out of the marriage as she and ILs believe husband is god and if he is being abusive, she has to find ways to please him/his family.

    Yes, she has an option to walk out. But with two kids she prefers to take the beatings and maintain her marriage.

    In real life, with an abuser pleasing them doesn't work. It just boosts their sense of right in whatever they are doing.

    PS - She has full support (emotional and financial) of me and DH in case she walks out. But she and parents (ILs) don't want to take that step.
     
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  4. Denni

    Denni Gold IL'ite

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    I was a bit emotional after reading OP's problem and how some IL's think a women should do whatever it takes to save a marriage even if she suffers and the husband is not worthy of her love and respect.

    OP's husband says ..."You don't have anything to loose so take my abuse". Its sick! Imagine the emotional trauma OP has to go through thinking she deserves his abuse and she should just shut up! He should get some psychiatric evaluation and OP is not to be blamed for anything as it is not her fault that he behaves in such manner!

    You have said what I have in mind....great yellow mango! Hope, your explanation helps OP.
     
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  5. shruti1487

    shruti1487 Bronze IL'ite

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    Cool10..as yellow mango said this OP is not being abused by her husband, your SIL is in a different position than OP. Also nobody ever said to please the abuser or accept the abuses.

    Criticize me when I say that. Read my answer with open mind.
     
  6. ladki1

    ladki1 Silver IL'ite

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    Yuck.......in a big essay u want to say
    when he scold beat----think like mother
    when he want sex---think like husband
    if u want to express feeling ---come here

    be like mother ,friend,satisfy his ego,,he is a small child,,,he want love ,sex,everything...
    WHERE THE HELL OP SHOULD THINK LIKE A WIFE...WHEN WHEN.......to keep marriage u r telling her to obey like a slave.....in the form of wife :)
     
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  7. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    LOL, assumptions galore.
    I didnt say OP has to please the H (aka take sh.t). I said she will either have to get out or find tactics to manage her day-to-day life and to make it more peaceful for her (if she chooses to live with the abuser). IMO, the former is the better choice, but we can all have opinions, the OP will have to figure out what works out for her.
     
  8. shruti1487

    shruti1487 Bronze IL'ite

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    Whatever @ladki1...you give her advise that may help her then...you can assume anything from reading my answer...that's your mind....

    Leave it Ragini...let them understand what they want to...they will never understand other persons point of view..we are not her bad wishers and never told her to accept the abuse..but telling her how she can make her living easy. I'm out of this chat now as it seems difficult to explain everyone....they all know a blame game..of not her husband then me for giving her a practical piece of advise..
     
  9. Cool10

    Cool10 Silver IL'ite

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    Verbal and emotional abuse are also abuses and the person doling them out is an abuser. They cause a lot of trauma to the sufferer
     
  10. ladki1

    ladki1 Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Op u can do one think u can stay apart from your husband for few months with ur kid....let him realize the importance of u in his life.......
    .
     

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