My Husband Judges Everything I Do And Say

He seems to be making generalized statements that you are not doing housework etc. Like some poster said above -, ask him to pinpoint exactly what it is that he expects that you are not doing. If it is reasonable figure out a way without stressing yourself more. Also, you mentioned that this has worsened recently, think about why? Is there something that is bothering him? Something not going well at work? Perhaps you have something that he is not having currently...? I am not justifying his behaviour towards you, but sometimes we take out our frustrations on our partners, without realizing how wrong that is. Figure that out.. Have an open conversation. Who knows, he might change when he realizes how he is hurting you.

 

Have you spoken to him about all this? There are other ways to further a conversation. Argument is not required. Tell him you appreciate his qualities too and why!
I too am an ideas person, but my DH has the resilience to see it through to the end and I don't. I have mentioned to him a few times how I appreciate his qualities because my ideas are of no use if it is not implemented. People need encouragement, especially introverted people, since they are the ones who are rarely noticed. Keep the communication lines open. It is not a one day thing. If not, try counselling.

P.S. If he doesn't help out, hire someone. Do not burden yourself with all household work, it is not good for your physical, mental health and health of your relatiosnhip

 

hmmm! happyandsad....sounds like you guys are drifting. IMO, marriage messes up good friendship.

It appears to me that he is threatened by you or your independent streak. He probably doesn't feel like the 'head of the household'. Not that he has to be but he might be disappointed and may be even depressed by it.

His words that he doesn't believe in the kids' activities (dance? singing?) may be a symptom of that. Don't let him disengage. Do something to get him back into the fold. Even if it's manipulation, just nurse his ego. You will be better for it.

Good luck!

 

Husbands and wives are broken-in (trained) by one another during the first few years of marriage. Each one ought not to let behaviors of the other get too difficult to bear in later years. happyandsad is starting rather late, but the house-pet is still trainable. Good luck. "He" has got a good deal, only you can teach him how good.

 

You go about doing what you need to do. Be cheerful and pretend everything is ok as if you haven't even registered his silence. Mock him good-naturedly with eye rolls when he seems to act particularly tough.

If you get complaints, push back. Eg. If he says house isn't clean enough, very calmly but distractedly tell him, "I didn't have the time. Just hoover the living room please."

Or when he's watching telly, ask him to fold clothes. And plump the cushions and chop some vegetables.

Make every request a direct command which can't be refused without seeming petty. "I don't have the time to cook tonight. Just make some rice and dal before I come in please." Or "I'm unwell and she has to be taken to the class because we're paying for it. We can discuss the merits of the class later. Right now she had to be taken there because she will learn about perseverance."

Don't accept push backs. If he can't take her to class he is going to have to tidy the house. Be direct and very chilled. Good luck

 

You must list his good features (in your own mind, and not in a post here) and how they more than make up for any of these other behaviors. That could be very helpful to your own mental peace.

 

I hear you. However I still say shift your focus to getting the job done rather than his tantrums. Don't rationalise his parochial behaviour. Don't pander to it.

Bluntly put, it's like this. He has to realise what he has and what he could potentially lose by behaving like a spoilt, ungrateful 15 year old. You are a strong woman and are financially independent. You a setting a great example for your daughter, managing everything. He, on the other hand, is trying to slime out of his responsibilities and is disrespectful to you. Exactly what role does he play in your life? If squeezing the joy out of your life and trying to weaken the core person that you are is all he does, just why do you even need him in your life?

If you can get some counselling to address such questions, you just might be in a better place to put the fear of God in him and make him turn aound and thank his stars.

I say all this from experience of having a now reformed husband. Seriously.