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My Heart Cries For My Sis Who Is Now A Mil

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blessed, Feb 14, 2018.

  1. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes I agree but here the daughter is still a student,may be if she was married and had a family then the mother expecting only the Son in the Airport is wrong. By default she thought her Son and his wife are going to receive them, they did discuss about the travel plans with both their children. Since my Sis is financially very sound they did online bookings all by themselves, and my nephew clearly know that they won't depend on him for money.
    All my sister wanted was an entire family get together which never happened.
     
  2. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes this what my sister is repeatedly telling that there was no excitement in her Son, while my niece was super excited.
    She says she makes regular Whatsapp call to her Son and daughter just to ensure everything is fine, she is not comfortable calling the DIL because that girl doesn't show any interest in talking to my sis.
    Regarding her Sons marital relationship all seems fine coz we see happy romantic pics in FB and instragram and according to my sister they seemed to be very happy couple.
     
  3. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    One more thing ladies , We don't know if my niece and her SIL had any disturbing arguments or uncomfortable moments, this girl has neither spoken positively nor negatively about her brothers wife. But it's just been two years she is in US but that girl is been there for almost 6 years. May be they dint gel well or their wave length doesn't match. But my Sister is very hurt and it will take days to heal.... no amount of my counselling is reaching her, my mother is also presently with her and she is also feeling sad and disturbed.
    Just 20 days ... they could have at least acted like a good Son and DIL, this US visit totally destroyed my sisters perception about her Son. I hope this is just a temporary phase and my newphew is still the same little boy whom we love immensely.
     
  4. EverydayBloom

    EverydayBloom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I read your opening post and all other replies and felt that the boy is at fault, till I read the above quoted post, we cannt come to conclusion just by seeing romantic or happy pics on social media, people just upload those for society, and there could be bigger problems which cannot be even shared with parents or siblings, there might be something that nephew might be going through and is not opening up with anyone. Before judging him, is there anyone who is close to him beyond just a relative or a cousin or if possible can you get in touch with him and let him know, how his mother felt about their visit to the US of A, dont blame him or his wife or dont use the words he changed after marriage or something like that, just get to know how is his relationship with his spouse, how is his life and so on so forth. I wish everything revert and they stay connected as a family (along with new family member)

    Thanks
     
    nakshatra1 and blessed like this.
  5. Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    I am sorry for your sister.. I couldn't agree more with Rihanna. He doesnt know what he is missing.
    Not everyone has parents . To have parents who are able to travel to US is a treasure that wont last forever.

    That said , since this behaviour seems unlike him, have your Sister/BIL had a conversation with him?
    Maybe he has a reason/explanation?

    It would be best to broach the subject w/o being judgemental ('changed after marriage')
    Just tell him something like 'we were hoping for more time with you.. and how come you dint attend your sister's graduation..
    If you have anything going on in life, we are here to support you'
     
  6. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, Your sister and brother in law must be devastated. At the same time, your niece acted maturely and showed lot of courage. She is a good girl. Your nephew by the way seems to be wrapped around his wife's finger. Not bad if he balanced family relationships too. But your nephew acted immaturely and same for his wife. How can he tell his parents that he has other plans the next day to visit wife's cousins. I feel that was the way to ensure his parents didn't prolong their stay in his place and leave immediately.I doubt they had any plans of visiting cousin. Your niece is a smart girl, who didn't do anything overboard and told your sister in person.Its great that she didn't rely on her brother more than necessary. She got the clue and didn't intrude on them.

    This visit shud be a lesson to your sister too. Next time an invitation comes be wary. If it comes to your nephew asking about your sister's visit wade the question. If he insists tell him he behaved badly. If the DIL or son come to India, don't ask them to visit unless they want to visit your sister.Good Luck.
     
    shravs3, nju, NeetaR and 2 others like this.
  7. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Gold IL'ite

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    Yes, your sister need to remember this. They have allowed her as a guest just for two days, so she need to maintain the same when she need to visit them in future. But i feel very bad for ur sister - not easy to accept this treatment from own son.

    Tell you sister to ask about this to her son directly instead of creating distance. this will not be resolved in any other way
     
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  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    OP,

    1..Did your sis visit her son for his graduation ceremony?
    2.. Or did they visit him before this trip? And was the behavior same?
    3.. did he study in a hostel setup during his school or college days?
    4.. who planned this trip? Your niece or nephew? And for just graduation?

    Why i asked is.. one of my cousins grew in a hostel environment and unfortunately, he has shown similar behavior. He didnt know how to invite, entertain, etc. he didnt mean anything bad.. just that he wasnt used to it. But, when his parents planned to come, he took care of them well,but he didnt even invite them for many years cuz he lost that connection with them. Talking over phone was enuf for him.
    Your niece seems to be quite independent. Bravo!

    Somehow, the whole description looks as if his behaviour is cuz of his marriage, which puts the blame indirectly on his wife. Lets not do that.
     
  9. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I really feel bad for your sister...I can understand what she is going thru.
    1)How can a person not receive own parents?
    Here my husband and myself going to airport to receive people who come with family for first time to US despite our friends are well qualified, travelled wide.
    2) telling parents to stay only for 2 days?
    So direct to tell Don't stay more than 2 days.
    It's really cruel. No one with good relationship would do that.
    3) pls ask your sister to talk well to son. Ask openly what happened...
    4) niece behaved Excellent,if I were her, would have cried to mom. Highly matured and handled well
    5) ask your sister be normal, it's definitely painful. When the son n Dil visit India ask sis n bill to go for long trips, 2 days after their arrival.
    6) ask your sis to not over bend to Dil n son.
    Very formal relationship is fine.
    Missing sister graduation in a alien country, within same city... Omg definitely worst behavior.
     
  10. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @blessed,

    Sorry to hear this story, just reading it is painful, cant imagine how hurt your sis and niece feel.

    How was his relationship with his parents after marriage, before visit? Was he courteous on the phone?

    Who is he close within your family? Is it your sister or her hubby? Whoever it is, should call him up when he is alone at work and have a heart to heart chat, no emotional reaction or blaming or name calling.. just a calm relaxed chat about the indifferent attitude he had (Do not talk about his wife). Things could be as simple as you didn't come to my graduation but came only for sisters’... you never know..i think your sis should do this instead of being down for so many days..at least they can learn better how their longterm relationship is going to be, and plan their financials accordingly.

    Your niece is awesome, your sis should take some happiness in that.. I hope things get better for them soon!
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
    Amica and Sandycandy like this.

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