Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Goahead, Dec 15, 2017.
Is there a question here or just a vent?
If its just a vent, my dear, I hear ya.
We both said what we observed with our experience. I too learned many things on my own but I don't feel that without her experience I would have done better.
Yes.....that is true.
What works for one does not necessarily work for others ,hence people should be free to choose what works for them .
Just because that lady wants to find her own ways does not make her wrong or that she will suffer without inlaws . She just might blossom and realize her potential if allowed to do things her way by making mistakes and learning from them.
Hi, sorry to say the word ' Head of the family' interpreted wrongly.
No where it is said he/she controls the other family members or instructs the family members.
We being younger,civilized, we respect our seniors for their efforts and struggles to make us so called educated, independent, modern and corporate employees.
Showing of respect is in different ways. Some people give entire salary and feels happy. Some people give half salary....and some so called modern, civilized people send them to old age homes and pays.
We are matured enough in terms of getting high salaries, travelling in flights and leading a lavish life...but don't forget that, everything is just because of them only.
Many people keep on saying why FIL/MIL are taking care even after marriage. Whether you are a guy or gal, remember one thing without them and their care your wife is not there and without them and their care your husband is not there. So try to respect them and don't feel burden.
Just imagine after 10years if your kids does the same to you then, what will be your position.
Well said...we can make mistakes during our practice but not in main exam.
If it is a daily family activity means accepted but if the same happens the same in front of others ....it's not practice it's completely failure.
Parents don't want their kids to face the same challenges or struggles what they faced in younger age. So they keep on guiding us.
But, one thing there will be a tolerance for everything but, not being so matured like us, they fails to understand that. You know why they not matured like us? Because they don't have the parents like us who made us to get our PG's, MS, Btech's ....and so on....
Being modern and civilized does not automatically imply that the parents/inlaws end up in old age homes.
Does not mean that we don’t respect our elders. It only means we may like to use the brains inside our head and not have a “head of the family” dictate our lives.
What’s the point of staying with IL’s when there is bitterness and no peace of mind. Instead see each other less often and behave decent and civilized the few times one sees them.
Bingo! It’s men like Chandu Ji I am sure have moun vrat when the MIL wants the wife to be a puppet in her hands. Most problems would be solved if the husband’s actually man up and open their mouths when needed.
I like that clever "almost" -- to recognize those exceptions.
"Stop favouring him all the time", is also a good one. There is a famous (and very old) play called "Lysistrata". Lysistrata - Wikipedia The title is the name of a woman. She wanted to bring her husband under control. She organized all the women of the city and everybody went on a strike to stop everyone "favouring their husbands", all the time. And it worked.
Today I received this WhatsApp message. I thought it is relevant on this forum. I am posting it as I received.
10 advices from Japanese family life!
1. Don't encourage your son and his wife to stay under the same roof with you. Best to suggest them to move out, even to the extent of renting a house. It's their problem to find a separate home. More the distance between you and your children's families, the better is the relationship with your in-laws
2. Treat your son's wife as his wife, not as your own daughter, maybe just treat her as a friend. Your son would always be your Junior but, if you think that his wife is of the same rank and if you ever scolded her, she would remember it for life. In real life, only her own mother and not u will b viewed as a person qualified to scold or correct her.
3. Whatever habits or characters your son's wife has is not your problem at all, it is your son problem. Your son's problem isn't your problem as he is an adult already
4. Even living together, made each other businesses clear, don't do their laundry, don't cook for them and don't babysit their children. Unless, of course, a special request by your son's wife and you felt that you're capable. Most importantly, you shouldn't worry about your son's family problems. Let them settle themselves
5. Pretend to b blind and deaf when your son and his wife are quarrelling. It's normal that the young couple do not like their parents to b involved in the dispute between husband and wife. When your son gets angry, say something good about his wife. On the other hand, when she gets angry, scold your son.
6. Your grandchildren totally belong to your son and his wife. However they want to raise their children, it is up to them. The credit or blame would be on them.
7. Your son's wife need not necessarily respect and serve you. It is the son's duty. You should have taught your son to be a better person so that you and your son's wife relationship could be better. Always tell others how well your son's wife treated you but, never ever tell others how well you treated her.
8. Never be present in the courtroom if your son wanted a divorce
9. Do more planning for your own retirement, don't rely on your children to take care of your retirement. You had already walked through most of your journey in life, there are still a lot of new things to learn throughout the journey.It is your own interest that you enjoy your retirement years. Better if you could utilise & enjoy everything that you had saved before you die. Don't let your wealth become worthless to you.
10. Grandchildren don't belong to your family, they're their parents' precious gift
WOW ! What a Great message ! If most of Indian families follow these advices there will be peace of mind ....