motherinlaw and sisterinlaw breaking my marriage

No one has perception about their in laws and no one wants to complain for no reason at all.. Every one wants to be happy and independent and the whole purpose of marriage is leading a happy life. When this gets disturbed by their in laws(happens in most of the cases) they want to bring it to her husband's notice because he is the only hope of her... No one has the intention of spoiling one's mental peace and moreover when it comes to wife she has no intention of ruining her own life.

 

some how I guessed this one...anyways...if someone wants to pose a false story and get the sympathy and want to bash their husband n inlaws...you cant save them right? however, just like how ther4e are some women who may exaggerate things that they have undergone, there are women, who really have taken some nastiest abuse...and there are women who inspite of members here saying that move away from your abusive husband, they didnt and eventually it led to some more nastiest situations. (I have some good friends on this forum whom we keep intouch off the forums too....I remember some time ago, getting a call at the middle of night around 2AM that girl was crying saying her husband beat her up and has gone out very angrily......guess what she is worried about...she is worried its not safe to go out at 2AM....I frankly didnt knew what to do, as she was not ready to call 911, I told her to call ehr parents...and atleast inform them about whats happening....she said she would...and she didnt till date....SO STOP judging the posters here I will never ever accept it) some of them cry while posting their story....they just want someone to hear it out so that they can stop their brain from exploding or taking out their anger in dif. way.

Also what your wife feels ...isnt she entitled to what she feels? there is no smoke without fire isnt it?? why would a woman complain about saint like inlaws?? and if she does that she relaly doesnt need to live with that family anymore....dont keep sayign she says this as a reason..let her find reasons..let her feel what she wants to...she is not your wife anymore. it shouldnt bother youw hat she thinks is the reason. (atleast now)

Also pls stop this my parents ..my parents thing I am really tired of hearing ine very post how you mention this my parents thing...(really?? now you suggest how yoru wife is making an excuse??)

If you think your parents were happy when you suggested about your future wife, same goes with her parents isnt it?? atleast herself...atleast am thinking, she shouldnt have stepped into marriage wanting to breakoff with you ...

I guess the entire incomapability here would have been, you not paying attention to what she is suggesting (instead you may have concentrated on how angry she was or what words she was using, instead of the gist of her problems)... and she not being able to hear your my parents...my parents words all the time ...as far as suggestions here are concerned, PLS DO NOT JUDGE POSTERS HERE......You are new here...so take time before passing judgement. how do we know that what you are saying is true about yoru parents and sister?

If we want a solution to a problem thats bugging us, we need to be truthful to ourselves and to the person whom we are seeking help from. the onus is on the op..some times they just want to vent..not necessarily want to follow every word suggested.

so just because someone said your wife doesnt deserve you, you were hurt and upset, I wonder how she would have felt when her comments/complaints are taken as destroying your mental peace. NOT EVERYONE is blessed with the knack n tact of using the right words at the right time. when it becomes more about you (and your family i.e parents n siblings), and when wife gets that feeling that she is a third party thats when the main issues in a marriage start..and if a husband is not able to make her feel part of the family, thats where the main incompatability is...and why would someone complain about inlaws when they have not spoken to her or aobut the marriage at all?? if they are not in the scene why would she talk about them??

Also distances do not matter anymore!!! pls do not use your personal situation only......these days long distance relationships are also a success and similar to that inlaws harrassing/taunting/commenting/creating issues as and when they want is very common. If your parents have not done it..good..but there are people who do it. so STOP commenting about NRI wives. and the words you suggested about how a wife has to talk to her hsuband..do you think wife starts picking fight the moment she doesnt like something??

you seem to have many misconceptions..I guess I can write pagesn pages but again there are some men in this forum who seem to be bent upon seeing things the way they want to....and as long as you do that you will find hard time coping up...pls try to understand or leave room for a thought that yeah may be things could have happened that way....it would give great peace of mind if you are a bit flexible. dont just close your eyes/brain thinking nope..my parents/me can never make mistakes. (by the way same goes to the wife also)

and in reality if someone knows and beleives there is no mistake from his/her side or their parents side...no point in hashing the same in every discussion. if you say 100 times or 1000 times that there is no issue...it doesnt matter as.again we posters here dont know really whether there was one or not!!! (because we have not heard the entire situation and we dont know which poster (wife) you were referring to). If you know who you are and what you are and what you did...that should be enough...entire world doesnt have to approve of your actions. its your life your decision and your judgement finally. (If your wife likes to post her side of the story and goes on blaming the people for all this..let her do that...thats her way of dealign with it.she is not connected to you guys anymore....so no point in digging the past)

 

I was writing pages n pages explaining what the other side (wife side may have faced )..you just wrote in such a short messg but said it all. (definitely I have to learn this art)

 

Also, many parents present a good face in front of their sons as they dont want to lose his respect. But as soon as the wife is alone, they start passing the snide remarks. So when the wife complains, the husband thinks that wife is lying. why cant husband think that their parents might be behaving inappropriately with the wife? This is happening in my case as well. End result - I have to bear those snide remarks and just boil my blood. how am i supposed to have any respect or like inlaws??

 

Thanks Srividhya for your comments..

 

Not only you 99% of DILs are in the same situation... I agree husband is our life but keep in mind you have your own independent life to live.. No one can live your life.. So don't take things to heart(its very difficult to bring into practice) and let things go... You pls show respect whoever respects you... One fine day all your sufferings will come to end.. If your hubby doesn't believe when you complain about your in laws stop telling him further... This will make him think and he will try to find out the reality... Believe in yourself and God.. No one else can help u out...

 

Gentlemen,
While you may be feeling bad that some posters said things like "he doesnt deserve you" and all but think of good side of it, it helped you reach the amicable solution of problems. My (almost ex and living separately)wife keeps on piling nonsense accusations on me(not on this forum), and all I try to explain her is if I am so bad, I surely dont deserve you. There is hardly anything else I can do to make her happy and last resort is if she still feels I am such a devil, let it be. Infact I want her to share her baseless and exaggerated accusations with other ppl, who could probably suggest her the same, but no luck so far. See you shall be amicably divorced and then it doesnt matter what she thinks about you and your parents.
I understand what you are saying that wives like to blame personal incompatibilities on InLaws, I too felt the same. Infact leave alone incompatibility(which I see as no-fault situation), even when husband is actually at fault, they want to put it on Inlaws. I read on this forum itself, a lady who called 911 because her husband beat her and was unhappy that her husband got arrested instead of her MIL! But see anyhow it doesnt matter much, whoever they want to blame, its their wish in the end.

I like this in combination of

So I guess only one person here has right to judge other posters

 

So did you also read the responses on w hat people said here. about the thread / poster you referred to..why do people hang around here if they cant seem to understand / empathise to whats posted here or if they dont like the suggestions or pain shared here. Is it that only a MAN can view the right and wrong?? and rest all here are just there to blame the inlaws...again as I said earlier, if you cant even seem to let those may be thoughts run through your brain...you cant blame others. We did empathise with your situation and heard your side.....so why do we have to beleive only your posts and not other women who post here? why do we have to think all other posts are wrong and one sided except yours...

I really dont want to get into one on onew ith you, but pls STOP this picking of cutting n pasting lines from one para to anothdr.....Take the lines in the context that were posted.

If you want to claim the RIGHT TO PEACE, STOP trying to push your point. let people think what they want to and you be at peace with what you beleive in. until then you have to keep referring to indian law system which cant offer any solutions for your own way of thinking (A Constitution cannot change peoples thinking n mentality/actions)

And yes I do beleive some people like to see the way they want to (as you can see how you are proving it again n again in your posts)

 

Well, exactly same at my end, now that she is living separately, she wants to make up and does not want to leave the marriage. On one hand, she was threatening to call domestic abuse line and feeling herself been abused; on other hand she wants to come back to her 'abuser' now!

I entirely understand that there are thousands of Indian housewives in India who suffer domestic abuse (be it verbal or physical or emotional) but some of these NRI educated women (possibly even in india) are attempting to take undue advantage of so-called pre-judgement that DIL is always victim of harrassment.

Some women suffer with Borderline Personality disorder and can 'project' things onto other people (in psychiatry they call it pathological lies) and large number of them suffer relationship problems. They tend to get into this 'I Hate you, don't leave me' type of relationship. You can learn more on forums of bpdfamily.com

Everyone is entitled to a view and other posters are entitled to disagree with me.

 

I very well saw the posters' replies, and that is why I felt that women in perilous married life are more likely to blame their inlaws even if third person is able to see that the blame is not with them. I cant reply to rest of your reply as it is totally irrelevant to anything I posted(I never ever implied anything which you accuse me of - dont believe others , man can view right and wrong or whatever). I have repeated it hundred times that inlaws can be wrong, husbands can be wrong but still if you percieve my thoughts incorrectly, I can't keep correcting them. In fact you also quote yourself wrong here, you did not believe me, instead accused me of many things. But thats fine and totally reasonable, I infact told this forum then also, that there is no reason somebody should believe me more than my wife as all conflicts have two sides to it.

I pasted two lines from two paras, so that may be you yourself can see that your message does not remain coherent in even in two paras of same post. I felt that you do not want anyone to judge you, but you yourself keep judging others. May be I am wrong, I just thought that pointing it out may help you realize this. If you dont see this, thats fine too, its your thinking!

- You probably realize that applies to you as well, right. My ask for right to peace, is only from marriage, this forum is anyways a peaceful forum and thats why I visit it.

Ditto....from my view that shall apply to your posts, isnt it?

That is why it is ok to disagree and ok to see differently but do not infringe upon rights of others.
So if you wish to judge some posters, do not make statements like you shall not accept somebody judging other posters. When you are ready to push your own point, do not ask others to stop from pushing theirs. Just respect their rights, even if you do not respect their views. Those are my views anyway.