Mommy wants to go for high achieving career..DH disagrees.

@kavithaus

you are in a situation which every working woman face one or the other day...honestly i tell you being a working woman...you will need to find the solution yourself, without DH help.

DH are helpful but not when they have to sit home or take back seat and support wife, very rare situation.

Look out for any help like your parents or someone who can come and take care of your kids. if not check day care option which is always helping working woman.
Yes, be strong :thumbsup

 

Rising professionally is not your "desire", its a natural progression. So do not guilt trap yourself of not being able to give equal time to both home & kids. See what options you have like family support/ daycare/ nanny? I'm sure something can be worked out

 

What would this promotion/project mean in practise for your family? You can also tell your dh that you have supported his career by taking care of his share of childcare/household duties.

 

Crayoness, in indian contexts, more often than not, the guy makes the decision on woman's career if it affects kids/famly..

 

They are living in Boston (according to OP:s profile) so maybe time to update the decision policy in the family .

 

Better to make arrangements for kids on your own, without considering any help form your DH. He will not pitch in, even if he wants to, there will be external factors(i am not wasting your time by mentioning these here) which will start playing and finally he will not. So don't ask him any more or expect him to support you now.

You speak to your parents, speak to nannies and daycare's. Find out the most available and reliable option for your kids and you too stretch a bit more and go with your job at next level.

All the best!!

 

But it doesn't mean that is the right decision. As matured adults both husband and wife should be able to discuss, plan and find solutions (alternative options in this case) to decide what suits their family, instead of plainly focusing their desires. If desires won't affect the family negatively, then I wouldn't think it is a problem at all.

Dear OP,

I understand your issues completely. I for one who goes through this phase almost right now.

As you stated, you should be able to decide your top priority in life. For me, my children are my top priority at present state. They are just 4 and 1. Both need me at least at night time on a daily basis.
The younger one gets frequently sick (though they were mild cold or flu) and the elder one is just started studying. Both require my constant attention for other reasons like poor eating habit etc..etc..
We have security issues with unknown nannies and staying maids.
Though we have better support system (mom and MIL around), it is unfair on those elderly to handle these two active kids.
Husband's job can't be adjusted as per family needs. His stay at home won't equate my presence at all.

At present we don't have any compelling financial need to give in to an offer which pays lot.
In my career, I have a very progressive records so far. Staying in one level for more than a year or accepting a pay cut or temporary break wouldn't affect my future that much. Although it could delay my targeted future to a great extend.

Having considered all the facts related to this matter, I have decided to say NO to the promotion, yet settled with the same grade with a little regret but with full of peaceful mind.
The moment I see my kids' happiness and satisfaction of being with them specially during their tough times, I almost forget what I missed before. Its been almost 6 months since I rejected the offer, and some new offers are already coming my way, with some flexibility.

I just shared my personal experience with you, so that you can have an insight from this.

If you ask me, I would advise you to prioritize your present requirements instead of general desires.

You already stated here that your kids are your first priority. You may or may not have a proper support system to compensate your absence at home, during the extra time/work you do outside.

You may not have the same issues as mine. As well your professional matters may not be the same as mine. This example is just an idea based on a real experience. You just need to customize it.

You just can't fight over your kid's welfare. Regardless of who is right or wrong, what is important is your kid's life, safety and happiness. So, speak with your husband on this lines, instead of arguing on the grounds of equality and desires.

 

very well said

 

What does taking new jobs mean in terms of time commitments .
Is it traveling or long working hours or only additional responsibility within the existing schedule
Hours .


How long do you expect the new special project will take , is it short term or long term?


Asking husband to leave Jon to pursue your job is not right decision , if it is short teem , may be he can take an assignment in your town.




You can also ask your family (mother,mil) to help you out if it is short term.


If it is long term nothing is going I work , you have to make changes to your current routine to adjust with new demands