Minimal Communication With Husband

In solving problems, one would take the observation as a symptom, and then try to list the causes for that observed symptom.

Once upon a time, one young husband confessed (to an auntie) that his new wife is a tattle-tale. Whatever he reveals, she tells her gf's on her mobile. Once he realized that, he started filtering the things he would reveal*,... and in a little bit, found himself talking less and less to his wife. And it turned out, that only single men have to talk, and do that beyond their comfort zone, to get her to say "yes", but married men don't need to.... for the most part. So, he lived happily ....(not ever after...but) until their first born arrived. Life had been noisy for that family ever since.
Savvy?
*reveal includes more than just conversations...

 

hey OP,

i face that situation everyday! Before going to sleep, my DH will tell me to talk something...his only words will be "tell me...".

I keep thinking what do i talk to him about....office - nothing much, friends - i wouldn't have spoken to anybody on that day, so i let my mind think of a song i listened to that day to tell him about it, or a blog i read and i liked, a news i heard and ask his views on it...a book i am reading and what the story is like, a movie that i want to watch or a movie review i read, a mole or a new pimple that i got, a dress or a saree i want to buy and the colour i am looking to buy it in...

If nothing works out, i recollect a song we both like and ask him if he still remembers those "good old days"...and get talking like that...

so you see, its just sweet nothing...if you ask me now as to what i spoke to him yesterday night, i will pull up a blank face....

I also ask him about his work...his colleagues, his friends, his team, i listen to his boasts and sometimes his complaints and his anger.......that way i get to know who he has been talking to, what worries him, what he likes about his work, or any new colleague....

Initially i used to dread these conversations...but now i am enjoying them...i get to know what goes in his mind and he gets to know whats been happening with me...

 

What I believe is pre cooked coversations doesn't have much battery life, it will drain fast. Its should be natural, like me and my wife will speak about the mosquito sitting on the wall, love story of the dog barking outside and his girlfriend etc etc. the subject may look very childish but both will be very active and enjoy it. We don't needs to speak about rocket science or anything.. just what we are thinking at that time...I'm sure our thoughts won't be silent anytime..

 

I agree with Peet1983 . Sometimes it's so boring, only the two of us . Then wondering what next. Then I start talking random. It's better than being silent. Most of the time I keep talking about office,work and sometimes poor fellow would have slept still my story will be going on. And when I see he's sleeping I'll also sleep off.
Conversation starts like how was your work today? Then remember some random old incident and say about that. Talk about niece nephew ,TV show, politics, recently deepika padukone wedding Saree. Honestly he was least interested but I had to tell him how pretty she was in her wedding pics. Then I got scoldings too "u don't have better work to talk about celebrities ".

That apart I feel your problem is you talk and his response is not so good. Well for this My suggestion is take up an activity together. Like swimming or go to gym together,learn baking,try zumba,gardening(few of the many suggestions I'm giving.,you think what works for u both ) in that way you have a common topic to discuss .

This has worked for me because at some point when I felt life is mechanical we joined gym and both had tonnes to discuss about our exercises. We have learnt swimming together. I started gardening, initially he never supported but slowly he got interest and we are doing it together.

Check what interests your husband and slowly you align yourself in that line and start doing small tasks together. It'll work out for sure as long as there are no other issues which is harming your relationship.

 

Just the initial phase of married life. Like how @Amulet wrote life will be so busy after kids that there won’t be time to think about any conversation time. It will more be about free time to relax. From experience this is what I had deduced. Impossible to change some personal characteristics of people. If he doesn’t talk don’t force him. Just watch whatever you like and read books and so forth. Let him come to you. If you find any good shares or reads tell those things as some facts; but don’t expect him to like those as well. He might like some and he might not like some. Slowly you will be there and both will find the balance as time goes by.
Good luck.

 

just my perspective. why do you think your work is boring. you are paid for that work. take pride in it. it defines you.

your h is trying to fit your personality in a mental image he has created. you cannot talk what he wants to listen all the time. it is totally natural to talk about what you went through during the day. this is not movies or some played serial. you tak what you feel inside.

i am not asking you to fight , but take pride in your work and gently suggest that this what defines you. you can speak what you feel not what he wants to hear all the time.

i talk about my coworkers. their life their struggles, my interactions at Home. my h nevers argues , just listens. if i ask him about his stuff, he will not be able tell anything suddenly but will speak suddenly when were are watching something or doing something. that is the moment i realized it is important for him, that i listen. It took sometime and i listen. it makes him feel great.

best suggestion i got make lot of girl friends. i made. i talk to them a lot. they talk. sometimes due to which my H misses me and wants to bond.

 

If there are no other major issues, have kids - this minor problem will disappear. You will not have time to talk and very soon you will start making notes everywhere to make sure you get a little quite time you need to discuss the items on the list. Till then, if he is interested in politics, or social issues discuss those. You said he is a tad heavy, maybe you guys can join a hike club. Create common interests if you don't have any now. Wishing you the best...

 

Do you and your husband share a sense of humor? Why not share a funny clip or meme? It doesn't have to spark conversation, but just to share good vibes.

 

What were those topics of the talk, used to be ?