MIL's story.......I am MIL.

Hi ma'm,

Thanks for the replies. Im truly amazed at your way of thinking. Never knew a MIL can think like a mother for her DILs.From your posts, i gather that you loved her unconditionally but not being reciprocated. Now all I can say is she might have some hidden insecurities or simply she might be doing all this to catch your attention so that she remains in your thoughts this way.
You are a great individual and understand relationships very well and i see that you dont mix up one with the other.Now its upto her to come around or just leave that her nature is as such.Its better to focus on other aspects of your life.
All the best.

 

Jayanthi Maam,

I do not have any suggestions for you. But I have been following this thread since yesterday and some of your answers made me reply to this. Many incidents you have mentioned are similar to my house, only difference is the MIL/DIL role switched.

When i passed a difficult exam - my MIL told DH - to celebrate my success he should buy a gift for his sister and he did that , nothing for me. Once when I had a surgery, she never inquired as to how I am. Within a few weeks after my surgery they came to US, even when I tried to call them at their daughters place, they kept saying they are busy etc, and never called me back. My MIL is like you she can remember everybody's birthday and calls everyone including her sisters/brothers grandkids etc, but she always forgets mine and my 2 kids and our wedding anniversary. Nowadays I treat her the same way she treats me, do not wish her for her b'day, when she had a minor surgery, I did not bother to call and see how she is doing. Just got info from DH about her progress. Figured will let her get a taste of her own medicine. I know I am deviating the topic, but your post brought back memories of similar incidents.

Like a few others have mentioned I am ready to be adopted as your DIL or I can adopt you as my MIL. Just ignore things and just enjoy life, do not unnecessarily be bothered about your DIL behaviour. Its easy said, but I cannot that easily ignore my MIL behaviour. Given your age, maybe you can follow that better than me.

Swaram

 

Swaram, I had to read that line three times because I thought I MUST be reading it wrong. To put it bluntly, that was ridiculous and your mil is a jerk and so was your husband. It was your success, not your sil's, and your dh should have had the common sense to realize it was YOU who deserved the praise instead of his sister. You must be a very sweet and patient person, because if my dh had tried that crap with me, his gift for his sister would have been shoved somewhere up his body where the sun don't shine. :rant

 

Swaram

Next time your husband gets a raise or a promotion or something like that, gift something to your sibling and if he asks why, innocently ask him "well, isn't that the practice?"

ASG,

At the risk of sounding extremely insensitive to Swaram and Jayanthi ma'am, I must say that you have a way of putting things across that just totally crack me up :rotfl

 

Thanks, I really don't know where it comes from. Guess I just get impassioned about some things. :bonk

 

ASG and Peartree,

Believe me its been 10+ years since this happened, but still it bothers me and I do every now and then needle it in to DH. Of course i won't blame mil 100%, DH should have some common sense, instead of just following his mothers instructions. MIL knowing very well her son's nature, manipulates it quite a bit. I think I probably mentioned this same incident in another post too. I believe small things liking getting me a gift etc, would have definitely improved our relations especially since this was within 1 year of our marriage, instead what happened only created problems. ASG you will definitely be able to appreciate the exam since you are in accounting too ( it was CPA and I finished all 4 the first time).

Well after that due to my complaints/nagging - he hasn't pulled one like this or has not informed me. But there are others things where he blindly follows instructions from his family.

Peartree - if I buy gift for my sibling, it will not bother DH, thats his nature, instead he will tell me why don't you gift some to your sibling and my siblings too. If he had not gifted me anything, I probably would have been okay, because even in my family like jayanthi maam has said, if we achieve something, my mom just makes sweets or we go out for dinner, nothing big. Thats what we did for my completing CA in India too. But gifting his sister and nothing for me really bugged me to the core and still bugs me when I get reminded of it.

Swaram

 

Swaram!! WOW!! You go girl that's awesome!! That is a major accomplishment. If my dh had done that to me, I would have been really crushed. Like, really I probably would have just broken down and cried. That test isn't an 'exam', it's a monster. I'm taking REG in May and I'm SCARED pantsless. :hide:

I'm just so sad to hear how heartless husbands can be to their wives. Yeah, definitely Swaram, your mil is an idiot to suggest a gift to her daughter.... but maybe she is an idiot by nature. However, I think what's MOST dissapointing is that your dh did what she said. Did he give any explanation for why he thought his sister deserved a gift when it was YOU who passed the exams??? I really don't understand the thought process behind what he did. And yeah, it would bother me too forever. Absolutely senseless. Tomorrow if you give birth to his child, will he gift his sister then too? Jeez. :bonk

 

His answer was - he did not think through and like always followed his mom's instructions. Even if he had celebrated by getting me and gift and his sister, I would have been okay.

Anyway I gave him such a hard time , for my future success like getting a job/promotion/giving birth to 2 kids etc, he did not celebrate by getting gifts for his family.

Swaram

 

Swaram

That's probably true. It probably never would have struck him to buy a gift for anyone for anything and he was just blindly following his mom's instructions to get the sister something. The only message that got relayed to him was "gift you sister something" and he just must not have registered "because your wife cleared the exam". If he had, he would not have agreed to this ridiculousness! Just convince yourself that that's what happened and make peace with it, so that it doesn't spoil your mood when you think about it

 

Peartree,

that would be a wishful thinking. He does cater to all of his moms ridiculous requests. This was no exception.

He came home and told me - to celebrate your passing the exam , i got a gift for my sister as suggested by my mom. He felt very proud of what he did, until he heard an earful from me. Like I said earlier, he hasn't repeated the same mistake after that. Looks like I managed to find and get through to the little spot in his brain that did not get filled with his mom's preachings.

Swaram