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MIL & Co sister forcing to have a baby

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by swethareddy86, Jan 11, 2012.

  1. swethareddy86

    swethareddy86 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi IL'ites,

    I need your help to tackle my MIL's daily torture :drowning
    I got married 2 months ago & my MIL wants us to have a baby ASAP, she compares me with my Co-sister , who had conceived within 2 months after marriage(that has absolutely nothing to do with me):rotfl. Myself & my hubby are not prepared to have a baby anytime in 2012. Off late my Co-sister who is my MIL's favourite bahu has started pestering us to have a baby soon. i have to listen to their silly advices after i get back home from work:spin, since i am a new member of the family i dont want to give them back ..

    Please help me tackle my MIL n Co-sis :-(


    Thanks in Advance,
    Swetha
     
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  2. mybaby1

    mybaby1 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    can understand you. as you are new it is difficult for you to say NO or even discuss things as it would be taken as arguing..it happens :). so just let them say and pour on advices you dont react in negative way. just answer them that its god wish; will happen when he wants..
    you dont have to follow them you just have to listen them.Follow what you decide in your bedroom.no one is going to come and see what you are doing and what not there.
     
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  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Swetha,

    What you do with your personal life or when you have kids is NOBODY'S business. It is entirely your decision as well as your husband's.

    You have 3 options:

    • Ignore your mil and co-sis. Like the other poster said, just reply "It is God's wish".
    • Ask your husband to tell them to get off your back (let him choose his words with care). This is just the gist of it.
    • You tell them where they get off. Of course you will not win the popularity contest, but well it is upto you to decide what you want. Are you going to be very popular, even if you go ahead and have a kid immediately? Are you willing to top the charts at the cost of sending all your personal plans for a toss?
     
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  4. swethareddy86

    swethareddy86 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you so much mybaby1, your valuable feedback has helped me a lot . Now i know how to handle this issue :) i will only listen to what they say , end of the day i'm the decision maker.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  5. swethareddy86

    swethareddy86 Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Satchi :) i will keep all these things in mind , your feedback really helped me a lot :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2012
  6. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    While I agree that you can ignore and do what you want, i suspect they will only up their antics and begin to make comments/ask inquisitive questions to see if you guys are "trying". I know it is a bit difficult to assert yourself in a new household, but I believe the earlier you do it the better! The next time they ask, just politely but firmly tell them that you are newly married and want to enjoy your marriage without the responsibility of a newborn. Also, make it clear that YOU WILL LET THEM KNOW of a good news WHEN it happens, which will NOT be for atleast a year! This will do two things - let them know this is your life and your right AND buy you time and peace of mind. You can watch the way you speak to your MIL because of her age, but I don't think you have to bend over backwards for your co-sis...let her know subtly that she is invading your private life with her pesky questions and unsolicited advice. Be firm girl!
     
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  7. Chandrika82

    Chandrika82 Silver IL'ite

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    Hmm..cj1980, this is easier said than done - especially being a new DIL in a new house.
    I agree with Satchi's approach #2, for which the DH needs to be understanding and co-operative. If he can tell his mother in private to back off and not pester his wife, then it will work out better.

    This has been my personal experience.
     
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  8. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree that it is difficult and I did mention it in my post :)...but it is not impossible. In my case, my ILs never questioned us on this, but they sat back and watched on of the "aunts" who not only questioned me in front of the family (this was maybe a year after our marriage) but also accused us of "putting things off on purpose"...I politely and firmly responded that it is a gift from God and not something that can be purchased from a shop at will and that I will let her know if and when it happens...that shut her trap for good. Of course, I went inside the room and burst into tears because nobody knew that we were struggling with infertility. As far as my DH is concerned, I don't rely on him to stand up in front of his extended family because it rarely happens! I do believe that a girl has to be assertive as quickly as she can because the more she puts up with unreasonable/insensitive talk the more difficult it will be for her to gain her ground later on. Again, I am in no way suggesting being rude or disrespectful...in my experience, I find that if I say things firmly but with a smile it makes it difficult for the other person to manipulate me or accuse me of being rude!
     
  9. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Somehow this whole business intrigues me. How on earth can someone presume to dictate somebody's intimate life and the consequences thereof and lay a time limit on results????? :crazy :bang There is a limit on intrusiveness and absurdity. Where on earth is their sense of decency? :rant Seriously, people need to learn to recognize where to draw the line.
     
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  10. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Its damn annoying when someone pesters you to have a kid when you are not ready. I was at wits end when it happened to me. I think other ilites have given you enough advice on how to handle them. Just remember, in case you buy into their pestering and prying, Your child will be you responsibility. All these people will not come to help you when you are struggling with a child.. They'll just sit back and watch the drama. Be mentally very strong to not buy into such silly advices.
     
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