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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 10, 2018.

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  1. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Finest Post Winner

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    I did not say it is wrong to drink socially. I do. But I am careful how much I drink, who I drink with .
    Most women/ men try not to venture out in unsafe areas at odd hours. For me that is common sense. So is keeping yourself conscious enough to defend yourself in the company of men one does not know well enough.



     
  2. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with all you say, but why is it the onus on women to be careful? Do you think a man will rape another drunk grown man? Its either women or children.. Will we say the same to a man who got himself killed when he was drunk? I am just trying to understand.. If a girl drinks for the first time, she might not know how much is too much.. So do we tell our girls to stop going out with guys who 'might' lose control? More often than not me too is about people who the victims know and trust rather than a nirbhaya..
    So, I should teach my daughter to drink sensibly? Shouldn't we be teaching our sons to have a control over their paws when drunk? Like I said, is a drunk woman a wad of money or purse lying around to be claimed?
    A wrong is a wrong, whatever circumstances it was done, whenever reported, whoever it was.. Like Pink said, even if she agreed to have consensual relation, the moment it is a no, IT IS a NO...

    And there is a reason it is Metoo.. That is, it is not you, me too 'had been' abused, it is 'them'..
     
  3. ano

    ano Silver IL'ite

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    Also metoo isn't a women only issue, it is an issue of where powerful prey on the weak and count on their helplessness/shame to not complain and just bear it.

    There are men who are harassed too and who are still not coming forward due to the added pressure of appearing 'unmanly'. My hope is that they too gain strength from this and are able to come forward. Even in West , only Terry Crews called out his abuser and the vitriol he received was on another level.
     
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  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    She is not saying that onus is women..she is talking about usinf common sense.

    Drinking is not heavenly virtue to possess both for man and women ...there are warnings against drinking and driving.which can cause death...in that case we blame the driver for the mishap ....she is just saying to be careful while drinking ....it is dangerous for men and women both to be in a state where you cannot defend yourself .

    There are perverts in the world..so we need to use common sense to make sure as much as we can to be safe.


    Rest it does not give permission to any man to misbehave even if women is not in control of her senses, if anyome crosses the boundary ,he should be punished severely
     
  5. ano

    ano Silver IL'ite

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    Please read this when a ex NFL male player in a country like USA can be intimidated into ''just letting it go" and takes him 2 years to get settlement. What chance do women have in a patriacal soceity like India of getting an apology much less a settlementt www.nytimes.com/2018/09/17/arts/terry-crews-me-too.html
     
  6. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    That's exactly why I didn't quote her.. When you commit any other crime when drunk, its your fault.. But when you are grabbed in known company, you are the victim, not perpetrator, but still its your responsibility?
    So, the call taxi drivers who raped the girls, the girls should have known better than to step into an office provided taxi? Since it is common sense not to go alone in the night after a late shift? What's the guarantee even if she went with her team member, she wouldn't be attacked?

    Drinking is not a crime, molesting, abusing is a crime. Drinking and driving or jaywalking in the road is a crime, you are a threat to 'others'. Getting drunk in a party and passing out is stupid. Its harmful to you, not others..

    I don't drink, nor encourage it.. I just want the higher race among humans-the men to keep themselves to themselves .
     
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  7. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    I already said that anyone crossing limits with a person who is not in senses need to be punished. I do understand that they are victims ,not suggesting otherwise.

    The only thing is we don't know who is out there who will attack us when we are not able to defend us...so it is always in our interest to be cautious to the extent we can....although there is no guarantee that we will be always be safe .
     
  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks, you got my point @armummy .
    @suasin I am not restricting this Gyan to women. My kids ( both boys) will get a lecture about drinking alcohol safely when they get to that point.
    Testing ones limits about how much alcohol one can handle should not be done in a professional setting with people one does not know well. I had my first drink at home with dad. I also tested my limits with a group of friends at home .
    I know of men that have made a fool of themselves by drinking too much at a work party. Cost one person his job because of inappropriate behavior.
    The onus of responsible behavior lies with both men and women.


     
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  9. Urmila

    Urmila Silver IL'ite

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    Sexual harassment can be described as follows.

    From here which tells reasons why people don’t come out and report.

    As you rightly pointed the onus lies with the accuser to prove it. How easy for the accused to escape the legal system?! Even the terminology accuser is coined wrongly as it is insinuating unreliability.

    Now there are many reasons why the people who had endured sexual harassment are quiet. The feelings of shame, guilty, helplessness and the futile exercise of not able to get the justice, humiliation the victim needs to have to relive the situation in the courts with pounding questions from the defence lawyers are many of the reasons why there might be delay in coming out publicly if at all it happens. They feel let down by the legal system.

    People all are unanimous in that sexual assault needs to be legally punished. But does it happen. Yet they fight inspite of the endured trauma and re traumatised by the legal system. The least one can do is encourage those who come out and tell about their abuse. Be supportive to them and don’t jump to any conclusions about the authenticity of the accusation and leave that for the defence team to deal with it.

    Ending with this.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
  10. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    Urmila,
    Thanks for sharing this analytical article(here): Why Don't Victims of Sexual Harassment Come Forward Sooner? | Psychology Today

    The author has analysed a victim's mind excellently. To some extent, most of us have been there or felt these.
     
    Laks09, PavithraS and Urmila like this.
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