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Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, Oct 10, 2018.

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  1. ano

    ano Silver IL'ite

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    I am not picking on you, but I had to clear one more misconception.

    It isn't that she "remembered" the incident after two decades, chances are she has lived with the incident and the resulting feelings of shame, helplessness and pain for every single day of those years. It has colored every single personal and professional relationship she has had since then. She has told herself a million times that it was not her fault and still wakes up in the night questioning if there was anything she could have done differently to not have been in that situation.

    Yes, it is true she has spoken about the incident in public after 20 years, but let us not kid ourselves that she has never remembered it in 20 years
     
  2. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    In almost all the cases that has come to limelight, it is men in position of power who misbehaved to women? Can you blame them for keeping quite against authority and power?

    I had a manager when I was 21, fresh out from college, whose eyes would always slip to my chest mid conversation. I always wore normal, loose, salwar kameez with chunni. There was nothing to see there. But it is so subtle and made me so uncomfortable that I hated to go to meet him alone. I never complained or anything. Women go through do much harassment each day in public that we ourselves are desensitized!

    There was another lead who grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go during performance appraisal and claimed that I am like a sister to him!

    The amount of harassment we girls had to undergo starting from age 13 while using public transport is beyond belief. Grabbed breasts, massaged thighs, prodded hips etc. At first I cried a lot. My sister made me see sense after which we would shout at the perpetrator or poke him hard with safety pins. Rarely, any passenger would come to our aid. We were seen as the ruckus causing nuisance mostly and the man would slide behind the crowd.

    I guess I am also jumping on the #metoo bandwagon.
     
  3. GeetaKashyap

    GeetaKashyap IL Hall of Fame

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    +1
    Most women have gone through these experiences but choose to keep quiet or put up with the harassment till a better job comes across. This in no way means consent.
    Recently, I expressed similar angst here:My Apologies - True Story
     
  4. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    Is this thread real? A senior member is demeaning and trivialising an epic movement.

    It takes courage and guts to speak out. I would go so far as to say that its because of people like OP women find it difficult to speak up.
     
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  5. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    All that she said.
    I have the same exact experience - a lead who would talk to my breasts, UNCOUNTABLE incidents of groping. I still shudder at the thought of why I never spoke out about the lead who would make these snarky comments like "women who wear jeans are just trying to show their round round (with arm gestures) butt to everyone. Is it wrong for anyone to grab them?". I feel ashamed now that I sat there mute listening to it and not saying a thing. After around 10 years, I met him in a mall with his 12 year old daughter who was wearing jeans. I asked him (out of earshot from his daughter of course) if he still thought the same about women who wore jeans and he went "What? I said that? No chance! Even if I did, it was probably just a joke".
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Its strange that OP dont know what sexual harassment is. These is a huge difference between consensual activity and those forced upon the women (or men) [ like rape, molestation, advances, vulgar comments either direct or by electronic media, staring etc...anything uncomfortable]. See below , even staring at a woman for 14 sec comes under sexual harassment. Every one know where these kind of men will be looking at;)!

    Most women face it at least once in their life in India. No one is going to forget it. For men who do these kind of things, may its a fun activity. But for most women its a disastrous experience. So they cannot forget it . But if they respond, everyone blame them and their character. Its out of this fear that they dont report. Instead suffer silently or try to get out of the situation. Using a safety pin or compass was/is a better option than shouting at the abuser in public transport services in India.

    Good that many women are getting courage to report atleast now. I agree that there are many who misuse it. I am against its misuse. Many accusations are against celebrities. Its a warning. They should learn how to respect a colleagues ( men or women) in a work place instead of asking for sexual favors.

    In the past many men consider it as there right to harass a women, its has not changes much even now. Now its the time of #Metoo campaigns. I consider it as a positive change. Because of this campaign, many of those kind of men get the warning on the need for consensus for any such actions from opposite sex and I hope it prevent many such incidents. All these culprits did that in the past with the belief that no one is going to raise a voice against it. I salute all those women who have the courage to talk about it. Its not easy. #Metoo campaign is a message to them that... "Beware, time has changed, be ready to face its consequences"


    "Section 354 says, “Whoever assaults or uses criminal force on any woman, intending to outrage or knowing it to be likely that he will thereby outrage her modesty, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to two years, or fined, or both.”"

    Read more on sections and rules in India.

    Can you actually go to jail for staring at a woman for 14 seconds?

    Recent news New Zealand Cricket Association Adds Sexual Consent Guidelines In Players' Handbook – NDTV Sports
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2018
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  7. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    I am having an unbelievable urge to delete all that I wrote. And I have not written about some major abuses i faced as a child and as an adult! And I had a normal, happy go lucky kind of life in spite of it all, for which I am thankful to God, my supportive husband and my elder sis. It is every woman's story.
     
  8. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Finest Post Winner

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    You cannot put a time limit for women to come out with their harassment experiences. It is a humiliating experience and takes immense strength and courage to talk about it. This # metoo movement is what India needed for a long time. Men will think twice before they make women uncomfortable in a professional setting.
    However I really hope that this movement does not get diluted down with stories of bad dating experiences.
    At the cost of sounding conservative I am going to say a couple of things. As a woman I cannot be responsible for all situations I am subjected to. But there are some situations that I can control. I would not drink to the point of being passed out where I cannot defend myself and am in the company of men that I know in professional capacity . That is not empowerment , that is being careless. I would refuse to be alone with a man I don’t know well enough in a hotel room, at his home, at my home. Definitely not with something that knocks me out of my senses. I really do not need to drink myself silly to prove I am equal to men. I am empowered enough if I can say NO to an invite to drink, hangout etc. after work.
    This is not victim blaming.
    In any case, I am glad social media is doing something this powerful to name and shame men that have gotten away with things for so long.
     
  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Most of the people who is claiming that they have faced sexual harassments were either new to the industry or still growing.
    Who knows they would have lodged a complaint then and there itself, but may be the culprit is highly established person so the case would have been rejected.
    Since this #Metoo movement is gaining momentum all are coming out slowly
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @SinghManisha

    I feel there is nothing wrong in women drinking socially. Many women drink nowadays. It doesn't mean they are trying to prove they are equivalent to men. They just like drinking. But if any men around her are spiking the drink, it is definitely wrong.
     
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